Losing steam
 

Hi nice people,

Today is day 19. I am bored, restless and non-motivated. Everything is still in limbo. I do pray that things get better and I can move on with a productive, somewhat happy and alcohol free life.
I really feel like such a loser going back into my family's home.
I hope to go on a walk today if the weather warms up. Its 20's currently.
I have so many boxes to go through. Maybe I can get through a few.
I do not know why I feel so down. I wake up depressed but when I settle
down at night I am usually grateful.

I will get on my knees and ask my HP to remove the obsession/desire for a drink. I will also pray to hear what I need to hear today.
I will get to my meeting.
Thank you all for your support. There is a lady in my AA group that lost her son to an OD in August. Maybe I will give her a call to get out of myself pity.

Beth

Hi faith,
I know how hard it can be. Everything is so focussed on getting through the first few days of physical and mental hell. Then it improves and it's almost a 'now what' ? Is this it? I know I always expect to feel great all the time but that isn't real life. I'm a bit at the now what? stage again tbh. I know it does get better as had a long sobriety period before.

I find planning my days and lists helps. you seem to have a really good attitude though-I also practise gratitude whcih helps hugely, even the little things.

Hi Beth, as you have seen I am also struggling. I do not have much by way of advice. Perhaps we expect miracles when all we really need is an uneventful life. I am trying to change my focus again to appreciate the very small little moments of goodness and equilibrium. A strong espresso, buying a new plant, reading a good book. Small doses of ordinary pleasantry I guess. Hope it works. It did before.

Nineteen days sober is awesome. It's also extremely early in recovery. You're bound to feel exactly how you feel. Some things can't be rushed, and long term recovery from alcohol abuse/alcoholism is one of them.

It gets better. Just stay strong.

Thank you everyone for expressing exactly what I needed to hear.
I went to my meeting and now I am tackling getting this room organized.
"now what?" is definitely what I am going through. But as Carl reminded me
I am very newly sober- this is my alcoholism telling me you are a boring akward mess. This is what leads me to pick up a drink and start romantizing all life has to offer on a bar stool. It lies to me so very well.

Thank you again- I will keep putting one foot after another.
I am so upset with myself I have been trying to get and stay sober for years.
I guess I only have today

Congrats on your sober time. Hey I know it sucks that we earned our way to the cant booze anymore club. In my case dont want to booze anymore club. I drank myself sick. It was no longer fun. I drank to keep myself from getting sick. Shakes etc. Not a good way to live. That being said I clearly remember the sober day your on. And reading around here till I joined. Now I am at 193 days sober. So yes it is true it does get better. Baby steps. You got to crawl before you walk. Stick to it and find out for yourself. I promise you you will be singing a different song. ✌

You are early, early on in the process. Take the possibility of a drink off the table. I used to scream at myself, "No, I'm not going to drink!" I probably sounded like a lunatic, but I stayed sober! :)

You're readjusting to a new life. It takes time. We're used to having a constant stream of alcohol in our bodies and taking that away disrupts a lot. Don't underestimate the power that alcohol had over our lives in many ways. Your addiction wants to be fed again. Don't listen to it.

It took me a while to adjust to sober life. It does get better and easier. Give it time. Keep doing what you're doing. You'll look back and be so glad you stayed committed. :)

Hi faith, saw your post and thought of this post, you might find it resounds with you?

Congratulations on your sober time!

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...een-place.html

gratitude is the hot knife thru the butter of resentments.

:tyou

Thank you Trailmix- that was so thoughtful of you to find that post for me. It is beautiful. I will be writing that down in my Sober journal.
so true and gives me much hope

Love that quote- it has been suggested over and over to write a gratitude list every morning- what is stopping me -ugh

Thank you cupofjoe- very true- It takes time.
also I am going to scream just like you. Id rather be a sober lunatic
than a drunk lunatic- thank you very much- you always have such nice support for me

In my case dont want to booze anymore club. I drank myself sick. It was no longer fun. I drank to keep myself from getting sick. Shakes etc. Not a good way to live.

Thank you for the reminder! Thank you for posting your days
every day you post reminds me I have another day as well :)
Congrats! :grouphug:

Thanks again- I feel much better. I am going to read the support boards for awhile and get strength from other peoples experience.
I was able to get a bit organized so I should be done tomorrow hopefully.
hahaha baby steps.

I am just so grateful that I do not have to wake up tomorrow with that taste in my mouth, that pounding in my chest, my head throbbing and a feeling of doom.
Gosh how quick I forget.

I heard at the meeting today . If there is a force that could compel me to drink and drink- It is a driving force. There must be a force that will counter that and will help me stay sober a day at a time.

Hi Faith

I know I started off with a head full of steam and accomplished great things - but it's not really realistic to keep that level of gee whiz enthusiasm up forever.

Fortunately we don't have to.

As long as i fall into bed sober each night I've had a win - it needn't always be graceful :)

Dont despair either - your enthusiasm and energy will return - we have good days and not so good days - much like the rest of our life really.

You're doing great :)

D

Thank you very much Dee. You are correct if I stay sober for 24 hours it is a win! oh gosh so true. I know I want to here the angels singing in the choir to me every day. You guys have been my angel's today
almost 7pm and in for the night. I will wake up tomorrow day 20
:You_Rock_

:c014:

D

Hear!!! sorry for my typos

“I am so upset with myself I have been trying to get and stay sober for years.”

faith, you are doing exactly that: getting and staying sober.
nothing to be upset with yourself about there:)

sounds like you are going to AA....what is your thought on asking someone to guide you through stepstuff?

Hi Fini,

I really want to get into the step work. My goal at the moment is to listen to the speakers and receive my 30 day chip. Then I will ask somebody to take me through the steps. I need a sponsor and I am getting tripped up on who. In the past I have never made it past step five. I think step 10 11 and 12 would be a wonderful healthy outlet for me since you can practice every day. I am trying to do 1, 2 and 3 this first month on my own..I would really like to get there. Thank you for your nice words and encouragement about getting Sober NOW. I am so grateful that I have the chance and resolve again to do this. I decided not to give up on myself. This past year was awful living in active alcoholism.
:thanks