first posting, hullo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 1
first posting, hullo
I just found this site a moment ago, probably knew it existed years ago tho.
An hour or two ago i came into the house and as i put away some groceries i started screaming because i forgot to buy this yogurt drink i get.
Then i struggled, tried taking off the freezer door after shoving food in it couldnt fit, slamming it closed, just bursting with venom. So disagreeable right now.
My counselor says its Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome; didnt know it was a thing with a name, but makes sense. I became clean for the first time in twenty years, a heroin addict the last eleven. I got clean july 17 2019.
But it almost feels like I could give up on all the effort, and use again, tbh. Im not tho.
I feel bad, even terrible, but not sick. Now its just life, the living pulse inside, that im up against. And not one damn tool learned to live it, just absolutely sick of it, of myself.
Just wanted to say hullo. A couple addictions, schizo affective, something else, and i dunno, maybe even a gender issue. What a ******* joke. I imagine myself in pieces when I try to sleep, bedside IED.
Actually, I think i need to also talk about suicide. Does that happen here? Its difficult, the words. Getting it out.
it just never becomes clear enough.
anywys, take care
An hour or two ago i came into the house and as i put away some groceries i started screaming because i forgot to buy this yogurt drink i get.
Then i struggled, tried taking off the freezer door after shoving food in it couldnt fit, slamming it closed, just bursting with venom. So disagreeable right now.
My counselor says its Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome; didnt know it was a thing with a name, but makes sense. I became clean for the first time in twenty years, a heroin addict the last eleven. I got clean july 17 2019.
But it almost feels like I could give up on all the effort, and use again, tbh. Im not tho.
I feel bad, even terrible, but not sick. Now its just life, the living pulse inside, that im up against. And not one damn tool learned to live it, just absolutely sick of it, of myself.
Just wanted to say hullo. A couple addictions, schizo affective, something else, and i dunno, maybe even a gender issue. What a ******* joke. I imagine myself in pieces when I try to sleep, bedside IED.
Actually, I think i need to also talk about suicide. Does that happen here? Its difficult, the words. Getting it out.
it just never becomes clear enough.
anywys, take care
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 1,327
Hey yeah it sure is a struggle getting clean/sober for the first time but I guess we push on 'cause there must be a damn good reason we're doing this to ourselves?! Sometimes I forget how much worse it was. It definitely was...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Glad you found us and joined.
Is there a facility you can go to to detox?
I know that would have helped me at the worst of it.
You've found a great place for support, so don't give in and stick around here okay?
We're all here for you.
Is there a facility you can go to to detox?
I know that would have helped me at the worst of it.
You've found a great place for support, so don't give in and stick around here okay?
We're all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by ashfall 
Actually, I think i need to also talk about suicide. Does that happen here? Its difficult, the words. Getting it out.
it just never becomes clear enough.
anywys, take care
it just never becomes clear enough.
anywys, take care
Here is a list of suicide hotlines both in the U.S. and outside:
Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!
Suicidal ideation is not something you want to ignore. Why not call people who can talk to you about how you are feeling and explore possible solutions?
What outside support do you have, do you attend any group support, AA or NA or therapy of any kind?
Hang in there, you won't always feel this way you know. Things will get better, takes a bit of time. Small steps.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2019
Posts: 16
I’m only on day 6 sober but to say that I am “irritable” would be a understatement. Today I was trying to take down Halloween decorations in my house, which I’ve put off way too long. I had these paper bats stuck all over my wall. First I got mad that I wasn’t tall enough to reach one and had to get a step stool. Then I pulled one off and it took the paint off of my wall ... I started crying, like actually crying. I’m a emotional mess , hope it passes soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi and welcome ash 
I'm an alcoholic but I think there's common ground for anyone with an addiction. I had trouble regulating my emotions for a whole. Sometimes the smallest thing set me off.
For me it got better with time.
have you considered talking to someone about the way you're feeling tho?
Even speaking to a crisis number could help maybe?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
The most important thing I can share with you is it gets better - but some of us have to deal with some underlying issues as well in order to be clean sober and happy.
I'm glad you found us - this is a great place of support.
I'm an alcoholic but I think there's common ground for anyone with an addiction. I had trouble regulating my emotions for a whole. Sometimes the smallest thing set me off.
For me it got better with time.
have you considered talking to someone about the way you're feeling tho?
Even speaking to a crisis number could help maybe?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-read.html
The most important thing I can share with you is it gets better - but some of us have to deal with some underlying issues as well in order to be clean sober and happy.
I'm glad you found us - this is a great place of support.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by EasyLuckyFree
I’m only on day 6 sober but to say that I am “irritable” would be a understatement. Today I was trying to take down Halloween decorations in my house, which I’ve put off way too long. I had these paper bats stuck all over my wall. First I got mad that I wasn’t tall enough to reach one and had to get a step stool. Then I pulled one off and it took the paint off of my wall ... I started crying, like actually crying. I’m a emotional mess , hope it passes soon.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by trailmix
Congratulations on your sober time, that's a real accomplishment. Yes, you can talk about suicide. People here do from time to time. Every time it comes up it's recommended that you call and talk to someone:
Here is a list of suicide hotlines both in the U.S. and outside:
Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!
Suicidal ideation is not something you want to ignore. Why not call people who can talk to you about how you are feeling and explore possible solutions?
What outside support do you have, do you attend any group support, AA or NA or therapy of any kind?
Hang in there, you won't always feel this way you know. Things will get better, takes a bit of time. Small steps.
Here is a list of suicide hotlines both in the U.S. and outside:
Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org! Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!
Suicidal ideation is not something you want to ignore. Why not call people who can talk to you about how you are feeling and explore possible solutions?
What outside support do you have, do you attend any group support, AA or NA or therapy of any kind?
Hang in there, you won't always feel this way you know. Things will get better, takes a bit of time. Small steps.
I lost one of my best friends by suicide directly from the results of this disease. I would of done anything to help him if he had reached out.
I am so glad you are reaching out!
People love you. The after effects can be hell. I really admire your
Sober time and you posting here. I have 18 days and feel much better physically. But boy do I have my frustrating moments.
I hope you rest and continue to keep taking care of yourself
Beth
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