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Old 11-10-2019, 11:23 PM   #1 (permalink)
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At the end of the road


Ok I'm going to do a little better on this post , put a little more effort in. This morning I woke up depressed annoyed and like what's becoming normal. I did what I typically do best cracked the bottle and begin drinking and cleaning the house. I went to bed early and I woke up and I said to myself I can't spend one more day like this and I went and poured out the bottles , this will be the second time I have done this in about 6 weeks..but the first time I wasn't just doing it for for myself I felt a little pushed into by my husband, but now truly I can't live like this way.. I have always been an addict of some sort on or off. I just recently have found the struggle almost uncontrollable. My husband and I tried to have more kids and we lost one in 2016 and decided to try again and lost the other in 2017 and the I lost my mom in 2018 and life has been a roller coaster... I need to regain some control in my life. I am getting in fights, my kids see me drinking, I'm just on a one way ticket down and the alcohol is just going to make me lose everything that's important to me, its making me lose myself, I don't do social media , I plan on looking for an AA group but I know I need more then just me, but this has to be the time I can beat it because the life in living is not the life I want.

Last edited by Jessielynn; 11-10-2019 at 11:27 PM. Reason: Posted in wrong area
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Old 11-10-2019, 11:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Jessie,

Welcome to SR! Im so sorry for all of your losses the past few years, that would be a lot for anyone to handle. Have you considered going to a counselor to help you deal with your grief? They can also help you find healthier ways to cope with all you have going on.

This site helped me get sober almost four years ago. Two great threads to check out are the Class of November 2019, and the 24 Hour Recovery Thread. You will find incredible support in both.

Im glad youre here.

❤️Delilah
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Old 11-11-2019, 12:31 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I really recommend William Porters book Alcohol Explained. Its my bible. It will clearly explain what alcohol is and how it works on the human body and brain. Makes you realise what we are playing with. When you want sobriety more than drinking thats when it sticks. ❤️
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Old 11-11-2019, 01:11 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome aboard Jessielynn

I knew I needed more than just me too - SR helped a lot

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Old 11-11-2019, 03:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome JL. I agree with you in not being able to do this stuff alone. I could not have a proper recovery unless I got daily support. SR is the biggie- I joined a few threads on the Newcomer's forums, starting with the Class of March '16- and still post there most days and consider the people there as my friends (as well as others). There is always a new class beginning in that month, maybe something to look into for you. Support to you.
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Old 11-11-2019, 04:37 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome Jessie!
I'm glad you're here with us at the beginning of a new road.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!
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Old 11-11-2019, 05:13 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Welcome. Your post seemed to give me a better picture of what alcohol can do to a family... what an alcoholic can do to a family. I usually think in terms of what alcohol does to a person, and while I know it affects others, my focus has always been what it does to me.

I kept asking myself, while reading your post, "Why would she do that to her family?" It's a stupid thing to ask because I know the answer. You are an alcoholic and alcohol is in control of your life. You, not so much. It takes a toll on you and those around you.

I hope you find what it takes to get alcohol out of your life, not just for your family, but for yourself, probably mostly for yourself. The family can then sort itself out without that intrusion.
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Old 11-11-2019, 06:20 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Hi Jessie, I am sorry to hear of your losses. Losing our mom is really a tough one.

Your post hit closer to home than usual. I have been where you are at. Especially the morning drinking to escape the day. I was doing it every day after swearing off. Cant lie, it helped the first hour or so, and then the remorse moved in, that led to a blackout mess mid day. It was a vicious cycle. I knew I couldn't keep on like that, but knew of no way to get off the nightmare ride.

I too dumped it out. Sometimes for me, sometimes for others. It didnt work, but little did I know..it was getting me closer to quitting. It was the beginning of some action, any action. That is what you need...action.

You mentioned an AA meeting. I would strongly suggest that. Thats what I did, and I cant tell you how much it helped. I needed to be around people who understood and could tell me exactly how they stopped. I did what they did and have been sober for a while.

Make no mistake, if you keep going the way you are, the chance of losing your family is quite real. Alcohol doesnt care what it takes. It wants to take everything from you. Please dont let it. You can get well, I promise. You just have to take some action, and be willing to do something different.

Stay close to SR and check out a meeting, it certainly cant hurt. Wishing you well.
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Old 11-11-2019, 07:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Hello JL,
Welcome to SR. I am so glad you made the decision to throw away the Alcohol.
I am not sure I would of been able to do that and I commend you for that action.

I too drank as soon as I woke up. I was so physically sick it was for relief. It really is no way to live. The couple of weeks sober I have I am very grateful for.

I suggest going to AA the emotional/caring/understanding you will receive is wonderful. Post here too- You are not alone.

I look forward to reading about your sober journey
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Old 11-11-2019, 08:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Best of luck to you. This forum helps a lot. Sharing with fellow human beings who understand is invaluable. Non-alcoholic friends try to help but they really do not get it.
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Old 11-11-2019, 09:23 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Alcohol is a depressant, so youll feel depressed after drinking. Time to stop the downward spiral.

For me, it took getting help from others. I did a medically assisted detox in a local detox center. I saw my doctor, who prescribed me anti craving meds. And I started an outpatient program. After so many attempts to do it myself, this approach has worked. I also go to AA and Refuge Recovery meetings.

Good luck to you, as the saying goes, if I can do it, so can you!
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Old 11-11-2019, 09:37 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome and it sounds like you're ready to make this work.

I found that coming to sR regularly really helped me stay inspired and focused. I hope it does that for you too.
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Old 11-11-2019, 09:41 AM   #13 (permalink)
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SR is a wonderful resource and Id recommend going to AA ASAP.
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Old 11-11-2019, 10:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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welcome, Jessielynn,
connecting with others was the first concrete step after my last drink, when i knew i needed to do this differently than how i had been trying to stay quit before. yes, it took more than me.
good to see you here; stick around and hope you'll share about going to A A meeting and how you are doing.
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Old 11-11-2019, 12:07 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome. Sounds like your sick and tired of being sick and tired. Well my friend you are at the place. Stick around here lots of goodies on recovery. Real life solutions . see what works for ya. Let start this journey shall we. ✌
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Old 11-11-2019, 12:23 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Hi and welcome.

I am sorry to read about the loss of 2 babies and also the loss of your mum. That must have been very difficult for you.

I got sober 18 and a half months ago with AA and Sober Recovery. Before that I could NOT stop drinking. I tried many, many, many times before. For me, I couldn't do it alone.

For people like us, alcohol only brings misery and despair. It will take everyrhing we love and hold dear. It will take all our dignity and self respect. It will leave us with shame, guilt, and terror.

I was lucky that when I stopped drinking I still had my daughter, my home and my job. However, i was clinging on to all 3 by my fingernails. If I hadn't got into recovery when I did I have zero doubt in my mind I wouldn have lost it all.

My life today is a million times better than where I was. Not perfect by any means. Life is life . But perfect compared to the hell hole I was living (existing) in before.

My journey has a real rollercoaster. It hasn't always been easy. There have been days I wanted to drink so badly. With the support of AA and SR I held on tight. I took things a day at a time and made sure I got my head on the pillow sober.

By making this choice you are going to be giving yourself, your husband and your children the best gift ever. The gift of sobriety.

Stay close

❤🙏❤🙏
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Old 11-11-2019, 12:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Thank you!

Reading these two replys have made a world of difference, I have to hold on to why I am doing this!
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Old 11-11-2019, 01:42 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessielynn View Post
Reading these two replys have made a world of difference, I have to hold on to why I am doing this!
This makes me happy to read 😀😀

Your life is so precious and it is worth fighting for!!

Together we beat alcoholism, one day at a time!!!
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Old 11-11-2019, 03:18 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm so sorry for ur losses, you've certainly had a tough time.
I have tried to get sober many times prior to this current 1, all the other times were because of my husband pressuring me, not because I wanted sobriety. If ur just doing it for someone else, it's likely to fail. Have u truly surrendered & accepted that ur life no longer has booze in it?? U have ur kids & husband & in my experience eventually the drinking just gets worse & then total rock bottom & the loss of everything.
uve posted in the right place, ull get tons of support here. I'm still new to sobriety....37 days 2b precise & honestly I have never felt better, I promise u, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
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Old 11-11-2019, 05:14 PM   #20 (permalink)
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You had two identical threads so I merged them in to one jessielynn

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