Telling people I don't drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Telling people I don't drink
is so empowering.
A year ago, even though I knew I was done with drinking and wanted to quit, I wasn't very able to tell people I didn't know well that I'd quit. For example, when I would go on a date, I'd make excuses like 'Oh I'm training for something that's why I'm not drinking at the moment". Not surprisingly, I relapsed a few times.
Now I am totally honest with people that I don't drink. It's surprising how being honest with yourself and to other people helps so much. I went on a date tonight, we walked into a bar and the waiter passed us a menu. My date opened the menu and eyed up the gin, "so what do you fancy?" she said. I paused for a brief moment, as if a tiny part of me wrestled with the decision for a second, I'm not quite sure why I hesitated. "Oh I'll have a soft drink, I don't drink very much. Actually, I don't drink at all".
"Oh really?" she replied. "I'm similar, I went five years without drinking once, don't really like the way it makes me feel, I'll have a mocktail".
We then sat and chatted for two and a half hours over numerous soft drinks. There's a power in being honest to yourself and others about being a non drinker, a power that really silences the AV and solidifies your sobriety internally.
143 days and counting.
A year ago, even though I knew I was done with drinking and wanted to quit, I wasn't very able to tell people I didn't know well that I'd quit. For example, when I would go on a date, I'd make excuses like 'Oh I'm training for something that's why I'm not drinking at the moment". Not surprisingly, I relapsed a few times.
Now I am totally honest with people that I don't drink. It's surprising how being honest with yourself and to other people helps so much. I went on a date tonight, we walked into a bar and the waiter passed us a menu. My date opened the menu and eyed up the gin, "so what do you fancy?" she said. I paused for a brief moment, as if a tiny part of me wrestled with the decision for a second, I'm not quite sure why I hesitated. "Oh I'll have a soft drink, I don't drink very much. Actually, I don't drink at all".
"Oh really?" she replied. "I'm similar, I went five years without drinking once, don't really like the way it makes me feel, I'll have a mocktail".
We then sat and chatted for two and a half hours over numerous soft drinks. There's a power in being honest to yourself and others about being a non drinker, a power that really silences the AV and solidifies your sobriety internally.
143 days and counting.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 524
Originally Posted by Lucinda2 
Congratulations on feeling the power and 143 days.
Wondering if you will be going on a second date?
Wondering if you will be going on a second date?
Thank you.
Yes, we are going for dinner next week. It seems we both liked each other
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,756
Yes, I get a certain satisfaction out of saying - I don't drink at all. And if I feel the need for a follow-up, I just say, I used to drink, that's why I don't now. That needs no explanation.
And if I feel the need for a follow-up, I just say, I used to drink, that's why I don't now. That needs no explanation. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by Primativo
is so empowering.
A year ago, even though I knew I was done with drinking and wanted to quit, I wasn't very able to tell people I didn't know well that I'd quit. For example, when I would go on a date, I'd make excuses like 'Oh I'm training for something that's why I'm not drinking at the moment". Not surprisingly, I relapsed a few times.
Now I am totally honest with people that I don't drink. It's surprising how being honest with yourself and to other people helps so much. I went on a date tonight, we walked into a bar and the waiter passed us a menu. My date opened the menu and eyed up the gin, "so what do you fancy?" she said. I paused for a brief moment, as if a tiny part of me wrestled with the decision for a second, I'm not quite sure why I hesitated. "Oh I'll have a soft drink, I don't drink very much. Actually, I don't drink at all".
"Oh really?" she replied. "I'm similar, I went five years without drinking once, don't really like the way it makes me feel, I'll have a mocktail".
We then sat and chatted for two and a half hours over numerous soft drinks. There's a power in being honest to yourself and others about being a non drinker, a power that really silences the AV and solidifies your sobriety internally.
143 days and counting.
A year ago, even though I knew I was done with drinking and wanted to quit, I wasn't very able to tell people I didn't know well that I'd quit. For example, when I would go on a date, I'd make excuses like 'Oh I'm training for something that's why I'm not drinking at the moment". Not surprisingly, I relapsed a few times.
Now I am totally honest with people that I don't drink. It's surprising how being honest with yourself and to other people helps so much. I went on a date tonight, we walked into a bar and the waiter passed us a menu. My date opened the menu and eyed up the gin, "so what do you fancy?" she said. I paused for a brief moment, as if a tiny part of me wrestled with the decision for a second, I'm not quite sure why I hesitated. "Oh I'll have a soft drink, I don't drink very much. Actually, I don't drink at all".
"Oh really?" she replied. "I'm similar, I went five years without drinking once, don't really like the way it makes me feel, I'll have a mocktail".
We then sat and chatted for two and a half hours over numerous soft drinks. There's a power in being honest to yourself and others about being a non drinker, a power that really silences the AV and solidifies your sobriety internally.
143 days and counting.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Great job on143 days! And being open has been my path. It's life or death for me, and it's not like my drunkenness was a big secret by the end.
Happy you have found someone you like....just remember it's early days and you've had situations with relapses you connected to honesty....I needed awhile before I was ready to take care of anyone else's well being.
Keep it up!
Happy you have found someone you like....just remember it's early days and you've had situations with relapses you connected to honesty....I needed awhile before I was ready to take care of anyone else's well being.
Keep it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 181
Glad you had a fun date!
So funny this post came up because yesterday was my birthday and I received several Happy Birthday messages via phone call, text message and social media. One of the text messages was from a work colleague who I haven't seen in a while, "Happy Birthday! Drinks soon?" My response, "No drinks, but apps and/or dinner would be great!" It felt good 🙂. Her response back to me, "Sounds just as fun!"
For the past year, my excuse for not drinking has been that I have been trying to pay better attention to my health. After this text exchange today, I now feel confident that I can just tell people that I don't drink 🙂....period.
So funny this post came up because yesterday was my birthday and I received several Happy Birthday messages via phone call, text message and social media. One of the text messages was from a work colleague who I haven't seen in a while, "Happy Birthday! Drinks soon?" My response, "No drinks, but apps and/or dinner would be great!" It felt good 🙂. Her response back to me, "Sounds just as fun!"
For the past year, my excuse for not drinking has been that I have been trying to pay better attention to my health. After this text exchange today, I now feel confident that I can just tell people that I don't drink 🙂....period.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Thats awesome good for you. And a second date to boot? Super awesome. For me I just keep it real. Its funny tho cause most places have a drink menu all nice and colorful I look at it . then say coke please. Like really all that to say I'll have a coke. Lol. Ice breaker for real. Lol ✌
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
This is an awesome post.
As a matter of fact, one of the things that concerned me the most was dating.
I have been on several dates, and it's really surprising how little importance people give to the fact that I do not want to drink.
It has changed my perspective.
Congratulations!
As a matter of fact, one of the things that concerned me the most was dating.
I have been on several dates, and it's really surprising how little importance people give to the fact that I do not want to drink.
It has changed my perspective.
Congratulations!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 148
Had lunch with friends I've known for 30 years recently. Been drunk with them countless times -
Boozing was one of the main things we did together and three of the four still drink.
It was only after a few days that I realised that I just had water with this lunch and so did they. It was a lovely afternoon - chatting, catching up and laughing. Thinking of this gave me a wave of real happiness. Good luck to you.
Boozing was one of the main things we did together and three of the four still drink.
It was only after a few days that I realised that I just had water with this lunch and so did they. It was a lovely afternoon - chatting, catching up and laughing. Thinking of this gave me a wave of real happiness. Good luck to you.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
You raise an important conundrum that I had to address early on.
That is: trying to determine the best way to explain that I don't drink - not to hide the poorly kept secret that I am an alcoholic, but to state that I no longer drink even though my history with alcohol was one of abject (and rather public) failure.
In other words, how does someone who has been drunk almost every night for 13 years now declare that he is sober or that he doesn't drink.
But I did so, albeit with a good deal of trepidation because I was so unsure in my rather nascent sobriety.
I used to say that my sobriety was in its embryonic stage, which was a charitable way of admitting that I had been drunk for as long as I could remember.
I have never shaded the truth when someone asked why I don't drink.
I have always stated that I am a recovering alcoholic.
Other peoples' mileage may vary on this point and I don't think there is necessarily a right or wrong way to approach it.
But for me, I just lay things out there, so to speak.
Congrats on your sobriety - you are obviously doing a very good job with your efforts.
That is: trying to determine the best way to explain that I don't drink - not to hide the poorly kept secret that I am an alcoholic, but to state that I no longer drink even though my history with alcohol was one of abject (and rather public) failure.
In other words, how does someone who has been drunk almost every night for 13 years now declare that he is sober or that he doesn't drink.
But I did so, albeit with a good deal of trepidation because I was so unsure in my rather nascent sobriety.
I used to say that my sobriety was in its embryonic stage, which was a charitable way of admitting that I had been drunk for as long as I could remember.
I have never shaded the truth when someone asked why I don't drink.
I have always stated that I am a recovering alcoholic.
Other peoples' mileage may vary on this point and I don't think there is necessarily a right or wrong way to approach it.
But for me, I just lay things out there, so to speak.
Congrats on your sobriety - you are obviously doing a very good job with your efforts.
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