18 days is awesome, Beth!!! I stopped drinking vodka and whiskey in my late 20s because it made me a completely different person, very mean and angry and always wanting to get into arguments. There would be times when my now husband would not go out with me unless I agreed (like we’d have the conversation while getting on our jackets at the door) that I would stop drinking when he said it was time because I would reach this tipping point and bam- completely different person and it wasn’t pretty. Your plan to exercise and eat healthy and take it day by day is giving yourself the self care that you need and deserve. I look forward to continue reading your posts and hope to get to d18 next week 😊

Day 9 here- last night we had invited friends to an informal dinner because it’s so hard to nail down time with them and it was looking like if we didn’t meet up last night, we may not cross paths til end of year because of schedules. I had pulled an all-nighter previously to meet a work deadline, then worked a full day and found myself scrambling into grocery store to grab a rotisserie chicken and the rest of the pre-made sides before they arrived in 10 minutes. The wine and beer section conveniently greets you when you enter the store and I found myself thinking about it as I was walking through the parking lot towards the entrance, and my AV was there trying to convince me that I’m entertaining and I have no drinks to offer, that it would be “fun” to kick back and catch up with a bottle, and that I’d be fine. But I argued back (all inside my head, I hope) that it wouldn’t be fine- that it is not an option anymore, I’m exhausted and starving (there you go- hungry, lonely, tired) and need to nourish my body. I rushed past to find the chicken and dinner stuff and as I was waiting in line at the cashier, I felt good that I was taking care of myself, albeit while still providing a meal for family and friends. And it was fine. Friends brought wine, but only one one person wanted some- yet opted not to open the bottle and drink pellegrino instead because she didn’t want to open it if she was the only one and it wasn’t a big deal. Yet, if it was me, I would have opened the bottle, but not first without a mental jump like those little leprechauns do of excitement that I would likely get the bottle to myself because nobody else wanted any. That’s the difference with an alcoholic. So, I did get a full night sleep, but still feeling tired but at least I’m not hungover. Will finish off the workweek strong, while looking forward to weekend.

Thank you! Thinking back, My bf rarely got the timing right either, or I would just go back on the agreement to listen and stop, and it would be a sh*t show from there on...who knew, 15yrs later I’d recognize that the timing was not to start at all!

Day 10 going into weekend... we’ve planned to go ice skating tonight, which is a change from the usual eat out and then run to store to get more wine for the night.

I dont feel like drinking and am proud of myself for sticking to my goal, but sometimes find my thoughts drifting towards romanticizing how nice it would be to have a hot toddy or some hot wine at the winter festival in the city. What I’ve been doing when I recognize those thoughts coming is to re-read my thread because it’s a wakes me up out of that daydream to remind me that there’s nothing good for me in it.

Thanks, Dee. We had a nice time- I was the jacket, bag holder while my husband took our daughter onto the ice- the first round was a bit tough to watch with lots of falls, but they took a break and regrouped and the second time she was up more than she was down.

Afterwards, we went home to eat dinner and I really struggled tonight- like “white knuckled” it (which never really happened before). Earlier in the day I noticed I was very shaky and unsteady, not sure if it’s withdrawal or something unrelated. But, tonight, so many thoughts were going through my head and it wasn’t trying to convince me I was okay and didn’t have a problem, but more like convincing me that I was an alcoholic who just wasn’t ready to stop yet. Like wanting me to give up on myself. By the time we ate, cleaned up and finished bedtime routine, however, the urge had passed. So, I’m winding down for the night, sober on day 10, ready for day 11.