Day 4 - Severe Anxiety
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Join Date: Oct 2018
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Day 4 - Severe Anxiety
Hi All,
it’s been a little while since I last posted but I’m in need of some support and the forum popped into my head! I have been in recovery from alcohol and cocaine misuse for around a year now but in that time I have relapsed 3 times, the latest of which was sat/sun. I’m an active member of AA and I have a sponsor but I feel I really need as much help as I can get at the moment. I know the reason I relapsed, but I’m 4 days sober now and the anxiety I’m suffering is unbearable. The world around me feels unreal and I am so scared. It’s absolutely unrelenting to the point where I’m pacing around holding onto my head because I’m so severely agitated and panicky. It really is a scary place to be as I feel stuck and it seems to have got worse day by day. I’m hoping to god that it will pass soon, or at least ease as I can’t exit my house nor do even the most simple of tasks. I was just hoping someone may be able relate to my feelings and offer some support. Thank you and please use my pain as a reason to stay sober, it’s really not worth it!
it’s been a little while since I last posted but I’m in need of some support and the forum popped into my head! I have been in recovery from alcohol and cocaine misuse for around a year now but in that time I have relapsed 3 times, the latest of which was sat/sun. I’m an active member of AA and I have a sponsor but I feel I really need as much help as I can get at the moment. I know the reason I relapsed, but I’m 4 days sober now and the anxiety I’m suffering is unbearable. The world around me feels unreal and I am so scared. It’s absolutely unrelenting to the point where I’m pacing around holding onto my head because I’m so severely agitated and panicky. It really is a scary place to be as I feel stuck and it seems to have got worse day by day. I’m hoping to god that it will pass soon, or at least ease as I can’t exit my house nor do even the most simple of tasks. I was just hoping someone may be able relate to my feelings and offer some support. Thank you and please use my pain as a reason to stay sober, it’s really not worth it!
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
OJ, you have taken me right back to 3 years ago. I was sober 18 months and relapsed on Labor Day weekend for an entire week. The relapse had been coming for quite sometime and I refused to acknowlwdge it.
Time takes time, and this too shall pass. I recomend you fully feel every single bit of awfulness, and know that you never have to feel like this again. Mine was awful and I felt just like you do now. Worse...never better. I did the research. I didn't even want to check the mail. I just kept asking my HP for help and went to a lot of meetings to get out of my anxiety ridden head.
Get back to what worked for you. For me, I had to go back to the beginning... 90 meetings in 90 days, rework the steps, keeping my head in the big book, and waiting it out. I also told on myself. A lot of people said that it helped them.
I didnt count my days (too depressing), and with a lot of rest, the self loathing, self bashing and anxiety lifted. Yours will too. Im glad you are here.
Time takes time, and this too shall pass. I recomend you fully feel every single bit of awfulness, and know that you never have to feel like this again. Mine was awful and I felt just like you do now. Worse...never better. I did the research. I didn't even want to check the mail. I just kept asking my HP for help and went to a lot of meetings to get out of my anxiety ridden head.
Get back to what worked for you. For me, I had to go back to the beginning... 90 meetings in 90 days, rework the steps, keeping my head in the big book, and waiting it out. I also told on myself. A lot of people said that it helped them.
I didnt count my days (too depressing), and with a lot of rest, the self loathing, self bashing and anxiety lifted. Yours will too. Im glad you are here.
Last edited by Libby06; 11-07-2019 at 05:58 AM. Reason: Add text
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 533
Oh boy can I relate. I would have severe anxiety, depersonalization, dissociation. Panic...
Can you see a doctor?. I finally relented and agrred to take anti depressant/ anti anxiety med until I was stabilized for awhile.
Seriously it was either get help or end it because no one can or should live with that kind of hell.
You dont have to suffer through that
Can you see a doctor?. I finally relented and agrred to take anti depressant/ anti anxiety med until I was stabilized for awhile.
Seriously it was either get help or end it because no one can or should live with that kind of hell.
You dont have to suffer through that
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I had really bad anxiety, too. Lots of crazy thoughts. For me, just getting through them was hard, but the worst of it passed with time. Remembering to breathe, going for walks outside, talking to a friend all can help.
If you're really worried, it might be good to go to a doctor.
Posting and going to meetings used to help me, too.
Hope you feel better soon.
If you're really worried, it might be good to go to a doctor.
Posting and going to meetings used to help me, too.
Hope you feel better soon.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 87
It's part of the deal, unfortunately. We've all been through it and it's the worst hell on earth imaginable. My mom always used to say (in my Forrest Gump voice) "Mental pain is sometimes worse than physical pain" and it's true.
Like Libby alluded to, take a mental snapshot of these feelings to look back on later as reason to never relapse again. You never have to be here again if you don't put yourself there again. In the meantime, read up on mindfulness and being the 'observer' of these feelings.
Even if you're not into the mindfulness / non-duality teachings, check out Rupert Spira videos on YouTube. His videos are very calming and I found I could find a little bit of peace even in the worst of my anxieties watching his videos, even if I don't fully understand what he is saying.
SC
Like Libby alluded to, take a mental snapshot of these feelings to look back on later as reason to never relapse again. You never have to be here again if you don't put yourself there again. In the meantime, read up on mindfulness and being the 'observer' of these feelings.
Even if you're not into the mindfulness / non-duality teachings, check out Rupert Spira videos on YouTube. His videos are very calming and I found I could find a little bit of peace even in the worst of my anxieties watching his videos, even if I don't fully understand what he is saying.
SC
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 21
Thanks guys, really Is a godsend to know I’m not the only one who has felt like this. I’m trying my best to get through the day, I am self employed so I have no option but to try and work as well (from home on the laptop) as I have a family to support, that ramps up the stress levels even more as all I really want to do is hide from the world until I feel better but I have to earn. However I know by trying to carry on as normal as possible should help speed up my recovery from this state of mind. It’s such a scary place to be. I’m already on 40mg of citalopram daily but that’s not even touching the sides at the moment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
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Originally Posted by SuficintCrlsns 
It's part of the deal, unfortunately. We've all been through it and it's the worst hell on earth imaginable. My mom always used to say (in my Forrest Gump voice) "Mental pain is sometimes worse than physical pain" and it's true.
Like Libby alluded to, take a mental snapshot of these feelings to look back on later as reason to never relapse again. You never have to be here again if you don't put yourself there again. In the meantime, read up on mindfulness and being the 'observer' of these feelings.
Even if you're not into the mindfulness / non-duality teachings, check out Rupert Spira videos on YouTube. His videos are very calming and I found I could find a little bit of peace even in the worst of my anxieties watching his videos, even if I don't fully understand what he is saying.
SC
Like Libby alluded to, take a mental snapshot of these feelings to look back on later as reason to never relapse again. You never have to be here again if you don't put yourself there again. In the meantime, read up on mindfulness and being the 'observer' of these feelings.
Even if you're not into the mindfulness / non-duality teachings, check out Rupert Spira videos on YouTube. His videos are very calming and I found I could find a little bit of peace even in the worst of my anxieties watching his videos, even if I don't fully understand what he is saying.
SC
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by OJ12
Thanks guys, really Is a godsend to know I’m not the only one who has felt like this. I’m trying my best to get through the day, I am self employed so I have no option but to try and work as well (from home on the laptop) as I have a family to support, that ramps up the stress levels even more as all I really want to do is hide from the world until I feel better but I have to earn. However I know by trying to carry on as normal as possible should help speed up my recovery from this state of mind. It’s such a scary place to be. I’m already on 40mg of citalopram daily but that’s not even touching the sides at the moment
You are not alone- ever- and good job for posting here, acknowledging the anxiety and not picking up. I agree with the other posters. The anxiety will pass in time. I am anxious normally but when I was detoxing the first 5-7 days there was a big knot in my stomach/tight chest and crippling doom. I am only on day 13 and I feel better. If you can order the book came to believe online I found it a tremendous source of comfort. Or maybe just google miracle stories . Read success stories on this board and online.
It does wonders for the content part of your brain. I wish you the best.
Please keep posting. I would love to follow your sobriety journey
Beth
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Join Date: Oct 2018
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Thanks
Thanks Beth, and thanks to everyone who has offered support and words of encouragement, means an awful lot. Day 5 now, managed to get up at normal time and start my day as I would when feeling good, it’s a real struggle but I know I need to force myself back into a routine no matter how uncomfortable it is. The physical anxiety symptoms are still really strong and my OCD thoughts are out of control but dare I say it maybe a few percent better than yesterday which I must see as a positive. I’ve only recently realised that I have OCD and never understood why the anxiety and terror after a binge was so bad but since this diagnosis it makes sense now that the drink and drugs cause anxiety, which in turns sends the OCD crazy which in turn sends the anxiety through the roof, one big vicious cycle. With sobriety I will be able to stop one part of the cycle which will hopefully enable me to start working on the OCD side with professional help. I really hate these cycles of doom, I convince myself I’m lost to the normal world forever and there’s no way back. Crazy I know! God bless everyone and here’s to a sober day
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
i still suffer at times but not like the first several months. it lasts a long time.
i suffered. it makes feeling good that much better. no meds. nothing in my record.
it was hell on earth. if it were easy to break free, i would have relapsed.
then i am on meds and drinking. the recovery from that is even worse.
the only reason i was able to stay quit is because of what sr taught me.
thanks.
i suffered. it makes feeling good that much better. no meds. nothing in my record.
it was hell on earth. if it were easy to break free, i would have relapsed.
then i am on meds and drinking. the recovery from that is even worse.
the only reason i was able to stay quit is because of what sr taught me.
thanks.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by D122y
i still suffer at times but not like the first several months. it lasts a long time.
i suffered. it makes feeling good that much better. no meds. nothing in my record.
it was hell on earth. if it were easy to break free, i would have relapsed.
then i am on meds and drinking. the recovery from that is even worse.
the only reason i was able to stay quit is because of what sr taught me.
thanks.
i suffered. it makes feeling good that much better. no meds. nothing in my record.
it was hell on earth. if it were easy to break free, i would have relapsed.
then i am on meds and drinking. the recovery from that is even worse.
the only reason i was able to stay quit is because of what sr taught me.
thanks.
i also took meds. They certainly didn’t make it ‘easy to break free’ and I don’t consider them anymore on my “record” than the water I drank and bananas I ate during recovery (I’d read some article that’s probably just crazy talk about how bananas help withdrawal).
To the original poster: Please don’t listen to either me or D122Y in regards to medication. Only a doctor who knows your history. Your life depends on decisions like this. While D122y didn’t needs meds, I did. We have different brains, makes sense. No one struggled harder then anyone else. Some get addicted to alcohol, some don’t. Some brains need meds to quit, some don’t. Please do whatever works. Step 1: see a doctor. No shame!
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
if you need meds you need them.
maybe i needed them, i might have some mental damage because i didn't take them.
a dr. is the SR answer because of legal issues and because this site is pretty much funded by detox centers.
i still feel a bit crazy or whatever, but at least i am booze free and anti whatever free.
i am still an active addict. without my coffee, periodic energy drink, natural endorphins from exercise and doing nice/fun things...i would go into detox and suffer.
once i get meds from a Dr. it is in my record for life, technically it must be reported on life insurance forms etc etc. i would have lost my job.
i had to get clean by backing out of the hell hole i dug naturally. it was/is the worst horrible thing. makes relapsing that much less of an option.
it gets weird for me here sometime when i try to enlighten about the whole med thing. lots of folks take them. the question is do they really need them.
from what i know, once i get on meds it is for life. the detox from meds may be worse than booze. nobody wants that.
might be a Pandora's box or necessary for life saving normalization.
each of us must decide....or whatever.
thanks.
maybe i needed them, i might have some mental damage because i didn't take them.
a dr. is the SR answer because of legal issues and because this site is pretty much funded by detox centers.
i still feel a bit crazy or whatever, but at least i am booze free and anti whatever free.
i am still an active addict. without my coffee, periodic energy drink, natural endorphins from exercise and doing nice/fun things...i would go into detox and suffer.
once i get meds from a Dr. it is in my record for life, technically it must be reported on life insurance forms etc etc. i would have lost my job.
i had to get clean by backing out of the hell hole i dug naturally. it was/is the worst horrible thing. makes relapsing that much less of an option.
it gets weird for me here sometime when i try to enlighten about the whole med thing. lots of folks take them. the question is do they really need them.
from what i know, once i get on meds it is for life. the detox from meds may be worse than booze. nobody wants that.
might be a Pandora's box or necessary for life saving normalization.
each of us must decide....or whatever.
thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 21
Thanks guys, I appreciate you’re support and opinion. I am very well versed in medication having taken SSRI’s for 15 years for my anxiety and what I know now to be OCD. It helps massively, there are side effects which shouldn’t be ignored but they have saved my life on more than one occasion. Not for everyone but worked well for me. Problem is they don’t work when your abusing other substances as well, and that’s a hard lesson I’ve meant. I will continue to take mine in the knowledge that when the other crap has fully exited my body they will help with the healing process alongside therapy.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by D122y
a dr. is the SR answer because of legal issues and because this site is pretty much funded by detox centers.
i still feel a bit crazy or whatever, but at least i am booze free and anti whatever free.
once i get meds from a Dr. it is in my record for life, technically it must be reported on life insurance forms etc etc. i would have lost my job.
ithanks.
2. “at least” you are “anti whatever free?” Who gives a fig? Stop stigmatizing medication.
3. For a lot of people, losing their job is nothing in comparison to losing their lives.
Stop talking about something you do not understand or have an education in. The original poster did not ask you your uninformed thoughts and opinions on medication. 🙄
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Originally Posted by OJ12
Thanks guys, I appreciate you’re support and opinion. I am very well versed in medication having taken SSRI’s for 15 years for my anxiety and what I know now to be OCD. It helps massively, there are side effects which shouldn’t be ignored but they have saved my life on more than one occasion. Not for everyone but worked well for me. Problem is they don’t work when your abusing other substances as well, and that’s a hard lesson I’ve meant. I will continue to take mine in the knowledge that when the other crap has fully exited my body they will help with the healing process alongside therapy.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Originally Posted by OJ12
Thanks Beth, and thanks to everyone who has offered support and words of encouragement, means an awful lot. Day 5 now, managed to get up at normal time and start my day as I would when feeling good, it’s a real struggle but I know I need to force myself back into a routine no matter how uncomfortable it is. The physical anxiety symptoms are still really strong and my OCD thoughts are out of control but dare I say it maybe a few percent better than yesterday which I must see as a positive. I’ve only recently realised that I have OCD and never understood why the anxiety and terror after a binge was so bad but since this diagnosis it makes sense now that the drink and drugs cause anxiety, which in turns sends the OCD crazy which in turn sends the anxiety through the roof, one big vicious cycle. With sobriety I will be able to stop one part of the cycle which will hopefully enable me to start working on the OCD side with professional help. I really hate these cycles of doom, I convince myself I’m lost to the normal world forever and there’s no way back. Crazy I know! God bless everyone and here’s to a sober day
Withdrawals and alcohol have such an ill effect on my brain wave.
That is why inspirational material is so important for me to counter that.
You are very aware of mood/feelings/cause/affects. I agree with you once you feel better mentally and physically you will be able to successfully treat the OCD. Thank you for the inspiration. You have a very positive attitude. You are choosing to move forward and break through this awful cycle we put ourselves through.
So Hard- you reminded me of something. I was coming off of a binge I forget *which* time and the withdrawals were as is to be expected torture. Another Alcoholic said to me 72hrs/bananas/gatorade you will be good as new.
The thought of eating a banana was revolting. Anyhow I always remember for the next three years while my weekly withdrawals hit
GEE what a way to live. Maybe it is the potassium. anyhow
now I will be able to enjoy bananas clean and sober.
day 14 Beth
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Join Date: Oct 2018
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Thanks Beth, it’s not easy to be positive but it comes for free and through experience is an absolute necessity during dark times, as hard as it may be to implement. I’ve managed to get out and actually exercise a little this evening which switched my mind off for a bit and will hopefully burn off some of the physical tension/agitation. I can’t recommend exercise enough, it’s another must do in my toolkit for sustained recovery, as they say, healthy body healthy mind! Well done on your day 14! Let’s keep this going, one day at a time!
Sohard - it’s been a long journey but one thing I have learnt is that knowledge is key, I’ve learnt an awful lot over the years about all sorts of things and when the going gets tough you have to draw on that! Thanks for your kind advice, and you’re so right, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. We’re all unique and have to find the best path for ourselves, and professional help is certainly something one should consider because we are by no means experts!
Wishing everyone a happy, sober weekend!
Sohard - it’s been a long journey but one thing I have learnt is that knowledge is key, I’ve learnt an awful lot over the years about all sorts of things and when the going gets tough you have to draw on that! Thanks for your kind advice, and you’re so right, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. We’re all unique and have to find the best path for ourselves, and professional help is certainly something one should consider because we are by no means experts!
Wishing everyone a happy, sober weekend!
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
Yes ! One day at a time. OJ12
I look forward for your support and to hear about your sober journey.
You are very knowledgeable and an asset to these boards.
I recently heard at a meeting when a lady raised her hand to speak- (I was a mess)
We all have our Sobriety stories but mine .... and she went into her share.
my mind could not get past the phrase Sobriety stories. I did not hear anything after she opened with that. She conveyed it as a fact we all will have and maintain a sobriety story she truly believed that everyone in the room had a valid long standing sobriety story. My mind of course instantly went to she meant "drunk" story when she began the sentence. I only have drunk stories... That was one of my moments of clarity. Just do it! What is going to be your Sobriety Story Beth? And why not you too?
I look forward for your support and to hear about your sober journey.
You are very knowledgeable and an asset to these boards.
I recently heard at a meeting when a lady raised her hand to speak- (I was a mess)
We all have our Sobriety stories but mine .... and she went into her share.
my mind could not get past the phrase Sobriety stories. I did not hear anything after she opened with that. She conveyed it as a fact we all will have and maintain a sobriety story she truly believed that everyone in the room had a valid long standing sobriety story. My mind of course instantly went to she meant "drunk" story when she began the sentence. I only have drunk stories... That was one of my moments of clarity. Just do it! What is going to be your Sobriety Story Beth? And why not you too?
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by OJ12
Thanks Beth, it’s not easy to be positive but it comes for free and through experience is an absolute necessity during dark times, as hard as it may be to implement. I’ve managed to get out and actually exercise a little this evening which switched my mind off for a bit and will hopefully burn off some of the physical tension/agitation. I can’t recommend exercise enough, it’s another must do in my toolkit for sustained recovery, as they say, healthy body healthy mind! Well done on your day 14! Let’s keep this going, one day at a time!
Sohard - it’s been a long journey but one thing I have learnt is that knowledge is key, I’ve learnt an awful lot over the years about all sorts of things and when the going gets tough you have to draw on that! Thanks for your kind advice, and you’re so right, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. We’re all unique and have to find the best path for ourselves, and professional help is certainly something one should consider because we are by no means experts!
Wishing everyone a happy, sober weekend!
Sohard - it’s been a long journey but one thing I have learnt is that knowledge is key, I’ve learnt an awful lot over the years about all sorts of things and when the going gets tough you have to draw on that! Thanks for your kind advice, and you’re so right, what works for one doesn’t always work for the other. We’re all unique and have to find the best path for ourselves, and professional help is certainly something one should consider because we are by no means experts!
Wishing everyone a happy, sober weekend!
The only feelings I had early on were negative, painful ones.
Like you, I had (and still have) mental health issues which coexist with my addictions.
l have independently gotten help for those issues since I got sober.
In my case, I have taken meds for many years that do a yeoman's job in remedying my mental health symptoms (many of which you described).
I'm sure your getting sober will vastly help your doctor in his or her efforts to help you with those conditions.
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Join Date: Oct 2018
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Day 7
Morning all (from the uk). Yesterday was a good day, I got to a 8am early risers meeting and shared which set the day off on a good footing. I felt a lot better yesterday and I think the worst of the withdrawal is behind me, my head has calmed somewhat too which is very soothing. Now onto the hard work of getting to understand myself better, sticking to my programme and being rigorously honest with myself which doesn’t come naturally! 1 day at a time and I know things can be positive from here. Your support means the world, and I hope I can help others the way you have helped me. Thanks to everyone who has taken time to reply to this thread, you got me through a dark time last week. To anyone who may be feeling how I did, I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel if you take things a day at a time, and do the next right thing. God bless
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