I can see clearly now
 

Friends , I haven't been visiting the forum as often as I should .
I am checking in to say I am sober . In 15 months or so I did have a 1 day relapse back in August I think it was .

The title of my post has an important meaning to me which is that I haven't taken diazepam for 18 days having been on a tapering program with a good addiction phsychiatrist and CPN . I had been taking diazepam for most of my adult life which was prescibed . In the 70s was hailed as a miricle drug and was prescibed 90 x 10 mg any time I said I felt "nervous" so at age 18 unknown to me was becoming addicted to Valium as it was called then ( still is in some places ) .

This addiction coupled with alcohol binges was my default condition for most of my adult life .

Am I angry , remorseful ,regretful ? yes and no . Angry at the medical establishment NHS for allowing me to be on this medication for so long ,regretful I didnt't do something years ago . Then I say the serenity prayer and bring myself back to a better place within .
Whats done is done , its TODAY that matters .

These past 18 days have not been easy with episodes of rebound anxiety and panic . Slowly I am healing though and as the title says "I can see clearly now ", after all those years .

Now I live life truly on lifes terms as suggested in AA and other 12 step programs .

Forever grateful to each and every one of you over my time in SR .

Thomas

Just shows how time can be misleading or was I lazy and didn't check my relapes day on 20 Sep , but it doesnt really matter , does it .

Getting off benzos is no easy task. At least when we detox from alcohol they can use benzos to help us with that. But that tapering off the benzos is tough stuff. So congratulations! And 90x10mg? Jesus. 10mg valium knock me out completely. I took one when flying from Idaho to Florida and slept the entire flight....and I don't sleep on planes. And they are just like alcohol, you build a huge tolerance really fast so they simply don't work long term unless taken very infrequently. Which a lot of alcoholics find very hard to do.

Anywho, doesn't help to blame the medical community or the drug companies. I think most of us know at some point when we are addicted and need to turn around. And like any addiction, that justification and rationalization doesn't ever take us down a healthy path.

Great job.

I am amazed that the NHS allowed you to have those amounts. I was prescribed it a few years ago to help me get over a trauma. I was only given enough for a week at a time and only for 3 weeks. Being a addict I naturally wanted more but my GP was adamant that she would just be giving me more problems by allowing that. In hindsight I am glad but at the time it felt unfair.

So pleased you have got the help you needed to taper and finally stop.

Well done! :)

Its important to be fair on the NHS I was prescribed large amounts back in the late 70s through 80s and 90s even up till about mid 90s onwards then about mid 90s GPs were realising the real truth about benzos which is that after extended use they cause more harm than good , 3 weeks is enough to become tolerant so up and up the dose must go to achieve a desired effect .
I describe my diazepam usage over the past 4 years as stable with a repeat presciption of 10mg per day collected once every 4 weeks . But I abused this system and topped up with higher doses from elsewhere .
However over a year ago I admitted to my GP what I was doing and they really took the bull by the horns and cut me to 6 mg per day BUT to be collected on a wednesday and saturday . It was at this point I was reffered to the drink and drugs area of the NHS then things just got better and better until as I explained in an earlier post my rapid detox . As I said it was and still is hard , so similar to coming off a drinking binge but this is taking longer and I am OK with that . No drug is easy to withdraw from so help is essential including SR .
I have asked my GP to have my notes state " NO BENZODIZEPINES TO BE PRESCRIBED " . I am happy with that .

Bravo! I have anxiety issues and have chosen to deal without benzos.

I havent been on them anywhere near the length of time you have, but my use of benzos is being reserved for emergency situations only.

18 days is incredible after all those years.


Benzos can cause early onset dementia, along with the nasty, hideous withdrawal.

Best to you!

I am glad things are looking up hdpw :)
D