Lava

Boredom is probably my biggest trigger. Life may be going great, no problems, nothing... then wham, I'm hit with a deep sense of boredom that leads me to drink. I'm a stay at home mom to 2 kids below 4 years, one an infant. My whole day comprises housework and caring for them. Even though I'm happy, I still get terribly bored. Unfortunately, I've been treating my boredom with alcohol since I was about 24 years old (10 years now). How do I begin to change that and form new habits?

least

Boredom was a reason for me to drink too. But once I accepted that I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, it was no longer a trigger.

Do you have any hobbies or interests? Maybe find something you like to do. I know it's hard with little kids to care for, but I'm hoping you'll find something to occupy your free time (what little you have) and stay sober for good.

doggonecarl

I think what many of us alcoholics call boredom is really discontentment, or dissatisfaction with sobriety. We don't want to wait out any discomfort and therefore turn to the immediate satisfaction of drinking.

Since being drunk isn't really an activity, what are we really fixing with our drinking? Boredom? I say no. All we are fixing is the yearning of our addiction.

SoberRican

Being since I quit the sauce 179 days ago. I didn't realize how much time I gained that being said now I felt I had to fill that void if you will. All sober mind you. For me I keep as simple as possible I am content just doing basic stuff. Cleaning if you look around there is always something in the house that needs some attention. Then focus on the task at hand. End results makes ya feel good. Also I put headphones while doing it and just listen to tunes or recovery stuff on you tube. Keep my mind filled with recovery stuff. That way their is no room for the stinky thinking feel me. Face it we are not normal boozers least I'm not . and thats it fam. ✌

AnvilheadII

when is it really possible to drink with two small children at home, one being an infant? and how does "boredom" justify same?

sometimes we just have to get over ourselves and quit starting sentences with "I deserve............" and just get busy doing what needs be done.

Ghostlight1

Boredom was a big trigger for me, too. I started to do things to occupy myself.
I went for walks. I went downtown and hung out, especially at the library.
There's a million things to do. I just have to do them. There really is no excuse to be bored. Life is full of possibilities.

Wastinglife

Alcohol always provided instant relief from boredom. Everything suddenly becomes more interesting after a few drinks. I could enjoy myself in an empty room staring at the wall if I had a case of beer with me. Alcohol replaced any interests and hobbies I once pursued and now it's hard to pick up new hobbies that keep me interested. Hopefully, more sober time will cause us to seek out new things to fill our free time.

Lava

Yeah, thank you. That's some sweet tough love there. I'm now going to 'get over myself' and 'get busy'. Great advice!

Lava

Thanks everybody. Honestly, there's so much I'm trying to figure out about my life and my mind. I think I'll go the introspective route for a bit longer now. Your input has been very helpful.

Dee74

I was bored in early recovery until I worked out sitting on the couch might be good for a drinker but it' no life for a sober person.

Get out and do stuff, play with your kids, get into hobbies, maybe even consider some community volunteering in an area you'd enjoy? or a further education class?

D

abgator

I'm certain this was sarcasm, but he does have a point. As an alcoholic and a father, I can't fathom being home alone with an infant and toddler and deciding to drink. I went on some serious benders for years, but for the most part I white knuckled it when I had my daughter. I've been open about the fact that I would not be or even attempt to stay sober if not for her, but as parents we have that responsibility. It is simply NOT an option to get drunk when you're carrying for little ones that are 100% reliant on you.

It only takes one delivery man, a neighbor, etc. to get the hint that you're drinking alone with them and decide to call Child Services. And having been married to someone in that job, it DOES happen. Often.

Most cities have play groups for stay at home parents. There is no doubt a number of activities you can do during the day with your kids to keep you from using boredom as an excuse to drink. And that's exactly what it is, an excuse. We all have them.

Lava

It's not an issue of drinking to intoxication or day time drinking. It's more that as an alcoholic, I'm trying to achieve sobriety so I don't want to fall prey to the thoughts that I've had a long day with the kids and now that the day is done / they're sleeping, I should be able to 'treat' myself to a drink. That's what I'd like to work on. I don't want to be in the situation to pick up that first drink.

Lava

I think what doggonecarl said could be key for me. What I call boredom is likely 'discontentment or dissatisfaction with sobriety'. It's that antsy feeling... a restlessness, that I'm not comfortable with. Then the drinking is just feeding the addiction. I get that. Hobbies may not help in this case, it's more a mind change that needs to happen. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable... I'd gotten the hang of this during my last sober time. I need to get back there otherwise I'll likely continue to drink. Thanks.

Dee74

Hobbies etc have their place sure but if you think Carl might be on the money maybe it's worth looking into something like AA?

D

joandmelandhan

Good morning Lava. Your OP resonated with me as I was exactly the same as a new mum and yes I drank when home alone with my kids. It happens. Read around there are many mums here who are alcoholics. The boredom, drinking, guilt, fear, more drinking cycle ruined my and my children's lives for years (it was actually post natal depression that started it for me). And yes I had Social Services called out to me more than once. What I won't do here is hide and pretend I wasn't that person. I was that person. Alcoholism nearly took everything I loved. If I were to be bold enough to give you advice I would just like to remind you that however bad it is now it will get so much worse. What starts off as a "reward" on a night seeps into your entire life and poisons everything. Please do not underestimate how bad this can get. You can do this! Don't be like me looking back on 14 years and despairing at the waste of my girls' childhoods.
Lots of love to you. Please keep posting and get the support you need xxx

joandmelandhan

PS I am sober now (27 months) and life for me and my girls is transformed! Joy in the little things and being a proper mum is simply the greatest!

Lava

No AA for me, unfortunately. Not for lack of wanting to, though. It's just there's no way I can do it right now.

I discovered what worked for me last time was a paradigm shift. Hobbies and what not are simply band aids. That's why Carl's approach is more workable. I can't control anything on the outside anymore; only the inside.

Lava

Thank you, jo, for this message. I truly appreciate it. I know I will recover, because I'm stronger than this. Thank you for your support.

Dee74

I just mentioned AA cos that fits with the dissatisfied discontent thing

I did the do it yourself version and made a sober life I loved and didn't want to risk by drinking over

D

doggonecarl

Change is so important. I had to change what I did or didn't do, who I invested my personal time with, how I coped with life. Big changes. But that "mind change" you reference was the biggest one, what you called in another post a "paradigm shift."

And those successful in their recovery achieve that. How they achieve it may be different--AA, rational recovery, Sober Recovery, therapy-- but our mindset about alcohol and drinking has to change.