Boredom
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I was a stay home mom too. I went from a fast paced career in tech that was all about me to staying home and it was a shock. Everything I did was for someone else. And of course, its a labor of love and there is happiness, but frankly it can be a thankless job in some ways. Yes, I signed up for it, and I was so grateful to be able to stay home because the frantic lifestyle of a working Mom sounded awful.
BUT, yeah, I was bored. I joined some Mom groups, which helped. Have you looked into that? One of the cool parts was we would support each other by watching each others kids so we could get out solo and do something for ourselves.
Gyms also have kid care and that was soooo helpful. She didn't like it at first, but after a while she loved it. And most take infants. Had to accept that if there was a problem, or a poopy diaper I'd have to leave class and go take care of it, or even leave. But hey, it was something.
I am also a big believer in a good preschool. Usually they are just a few hours but I'd start something like that as soon as you can, then do things for you while they are there.
AA has womens groups where you can bring the kids.
Care.com. Find a good sitter and get out and do something for you. Mani/pedi, facial. Something. I never used a sitter frankly but it is an option.
Parenting can be a very hard job. And believe me, this stage is in some ways the easiest....and some ways the hardest. Different. Wait til they are teenagers. That's fun. Ha. So learning to cope so that parenting and all the different and varied challenges and emotions don't become triggers for drinking.
Don't lose you in the process. Get over yourself? I don't know what that means in the context of this thread. But definitely don't lose you.
BUT, yeah, I was bored. I joined some Mom groups, which helped. Have you looked into that? One of the cool parts was we would support each other by watching each others kids so we could get out solo and do something for ourselves.
Gyms also have kid care and that was soooo helpful. She didn't like it at first, but after a while she loved it. And most take infants. Had to accept that if there was a problem, or a poopy diaper I'd have to leave class and go take care of it, or even leave. But hey, it was something.
I am also a big believer in a good preschool. Usually they are just a few hours but I'd start something like that as soon as you can, then do things for you while they are there.
AA has womens groups where you can bring the kids.
Care.com. Find a good sitter and get out and do something for you. Mani/pedi, facial. Something. I never used a sitter frankly but it is an option.
Parenting can be a very hard job. And believe me, this stage is in some ways the easiest....and some ways the hardest. Different. Wait til they are teenagers. That's fun. Ha. So learning to cope so that parenting and all the different and varied challenges and emotions don't become triggers for drinking.
Don't lose you in the process. Get over yourself? I don't know what that means in the context of this thread. But definitely don't lose you.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by entropy1964 
I was a stay home mom too. I went from a fast paced career in tech that was all about me to staying home and it was a shock. Everything I did was for someone else. And of course, its a labor of love and there is happiness, but frankly it can be a thankless job in some ways. Yes, I signed up for it, and I was so grateful to be able to stay home because the frantic lifestyle of a working Mom sounded awful.
BUT, yeah, I was bored. I joined some Mom groups, which helped. Have you looked into that? One of the cool parts was we would support each other by watching each others kids so we could get out solo and do something for ourselves.
Gyms also have kid care and that was soooo helpful. She didn't like it at first, but after a while she loved it. And most take infants. Had to accept that if there was a problem, or a poopy diaper I'd have to leave class and go take care of it, or even leave. But hey, it was something.
I am also a big believer in a good preschool. Usually they are just a few hours but I'd start something like that as soon as you can, then do things for you while they are there.
AA has womens groups where you can bring the kids.
Care.com. Find a good sitter and get out and do something for you. Mani/pedi, facial. Something. I never used a sitter frankly but it is an option.
Parenting can be a very hard job. And believe me, this stage is in some ways the easiest....and some ways the hardest. Different. Wait til they are teenagers. That's fun. Ha. So learning to cope so that parenting and all the different and varied challenges and emotions don't become triggers for drinking.
Don't lose you in the process. Get over yourself? I don't know what that means in the context of this thread. But definitely don't lose you.
BUT, yeah, I was bored. I joined some Mom groups, which helped. Have you looked into that? One of the cool parts was we would support each other by watching each others kids so we could get out solo and do something for ourselves.
Gyms also have kid care and that was soooo helpful. She didn't like it at first, but after a while she loved it. And most take infants. Had to accept that if there was a problem, or a poopy diaper I'd have to leave class and go take care of it, or even leave. But hey, it was something.
I am also a big believer in a good preschool. Usually they are just a few hours but I'd start something like that as soon as you can, then do things for you while they are there.
AA has womens groups where you can bring the kids.
Care.com. Find a good sitter and get out and do something for you. Mani/pedi, facial. Something. I never used a sitter frankly but it is an option.
Parenting can be a very hard job. And believe me, this stage is in some ways the easiest....and some ways the hardest. Different. Wait til they are teenagers. That's fun. Ha. So learning to cope so that parenting and all the different and varied challenges and emotions don't become triggers for drinking.
Don't lose you in the process. Get over yourself? I don't know what that means in the context of this thread. But definitely don't lose you.
For now, I really need to work on my mind and my thoughts toward alcohol. It’s the best and only thing that will see me achieve long term sobriety.
Thank you, entropy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Change is so important. I had to change what I did or didn't do, who I invested my personal time with, how I coped with life. Big changes. But that "mind change" you reference was the biggest one, what you called in another post a "paradigm shift."
And those successful in their recovery achieve that. How they achieve it may be different--AA, rational recovery, Sober Recovery, therapy-- but our mindset about alcohol and drinking has to change.
And those successful in their recovery achieve that. How they achieve it may be different--AA, rational recovery, Sober Recovery, therapy-- but our mindset about alcohol and drinking has to change.
Thank you, Carl.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hi, this sounds like me to a T! It is sometimes tough being parent & yes u get to the end of the day & u feel u deserve that glass of wine....however we know it doesn't stop at 1...if only!!
you've come to the right place though & please done be put off by any slightly negative comments.
I'm certainly no expert in sobriety & I have only been sober for 23 days, but what is helping me is exercise (there's plenty u can do at home or at a park with the kids) reading, watching addiction documentaries, listening to recovery podcasts (I do this when I'm making dinner instead of chugging the vino)! & I've started journaling. Find what's right for u as we're all very different. The last thing is just to keep coming here especially when u have the urge, which u will do.x
you've come to the right place though & please done be put off by any slightly negative comments.
I'm certainly no expert in sobriety & I have only been sober for 23 days, but what is helping me is exercise (there's plenty u can do at home or at a park with the kids) reading, watching addiction documentaries, listening to recovery podcasts (I do this when I'm making dinner instead of chugging the vino)! & I've started journaling. Find what's right for u as we're all very different. The last thing is just to keep coming here especially when u have the urge, which u will do.x
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
A few cents and thoughts:
I saw you said you just moved to another country. Perhaps that is one reason, but why do you say you "just can't do AA?" Lots of people have logistics or situations or conditions or....that might seem legit for saying this but, to me, it's more often an excuse than a reality.
Perhaps adding a specific type of program based learning via podcasts, for example, is quite feasible - listening to them while the baby is down or such. Recovery Rocks, Recovery Happy Hour and Euphoric AF are some of my faves; some AA based host or guest vein, but also not limited to or particularly focused on 12 step.
Whenever folks list the things they have in a sobriety plan, I look to see what is FIRST. It's often not something critical to getting sober, like exercise or healthy diet, compared to what I would consider TRULY recovery specific. Dee always shares he based a plan on SR - connection with others. My first priority is AA (with all that it entails - do you know what the program is and isn't?). Others use methods you can learn about here - SMART/AVRT, etc.
Glad you are here and hope you make the first critical leap for anyone: not drinking.
I saw you said you just moved to another country. Perhaps that is one reason, but why do you say you "just can't do AA?" Lots of people have logistics or situations or conditions or....that might seem legit for saying this but, to me, it's more often an excuse than a reality.
Perhaps adding a specific type of program based learning via podcasts, for example, is quite feasible - listening to them while the baby is down or such. Recovery Rocks, Recovery Happy Hour and Euphoric AF are some of my faves; some AA based host or guest vein, but also not limited to or particularly focused on 12 step.
Whenever folks list the things they have in a sobriety plan, I look to see what is FIRST. It's often not something critical to getting sober, like exercise or healthy diet, compared to what I would consider TRULY recovery specific. Dee always shares he based a plan on SR - connection with others. My first priority is AA (with all that it entails - do you know what the program is and isn't?). Others use methods you can learn about here - SMART/AVRT, etc.
Glad you are here and hope you make the first critical leap for anyone: not drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Hmmm.
Well, having raised two kids as a working mom, it's hard for me to conceive of being a bored stay at home mother. There's times I only wished I could be a stay at home mother because combining work with motherhood was frankly: "Hard". It was not EASY. So, on my days off I just felt so relieved that I could just be home that day and devoted myself to my babies!
So, I'm trying to put myself in your place and I wonder if you are not just bored, but LONELY for other adult company.....
I know being a stay at home mom can perhaps make a person feel they are less glamorous or something....but here's a thought: Try to go ahead and do something nice for yourself each day. It's not easy to do because the kids keep you so busy...but I think if you try it can be done....do something nice for YOU! I know just getting time to take a shower can be challenging, right? But, take a nice shower, put your makeup on and style your hair. It will give you an instant "lift". I once invited a Mary Kay consultant to my home for a makeover when my kids were little....It was free and felt a little indulgent, but it was wonderful.
Well, having raised two kids as a working mom, it's hard for me to conceive of being a bored stay at home mother. There's times I only wished I could be a stay at home mother because combining work with motherhood was frankly: "Hard". It was not EASY. So, on my days off I just felt so relieved that I could just be home that day and devoted myself to my babies!
So, I'm trying to put myself in your place and I wonder if you are not just bored, but LONELY for other adult company.....
I know being a stay at home mom can perhaps make a person feel they are less glamorous or something....but here's a thought: Try to go ahead and do something nice for yourself each day. It's not easy to do because the kids keep you so busy...but I think if you try it can be done....do something nice for YOU! I know just getting time to take a shower can be challenging, right? But, take a nice shower, put your makeup on and style your hair. It will give you an instant "lift". I once invited a Mary Kay consultant to my home for a makeover when my kids were little....It was free and felt a little indulgent, but it was wonderful.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
I think you’re very fortunate to be a stay at home Mum when your children are under four years old. In my opion, it’s a privilege, because you’re there, full time, having input into their pre-five year old formative years, instead of rushing off to and back from full time work, and leaving them in the care of someone else. I don’t see how you could be bored, and if you are, then maybe you could see their care and nurturing as a job, and throw yourself wholeheartedly into it?
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Piping up quickly as the child of an alcoholic mom - it took over her life and our family's starting when I was 11. My brother was 8. I'm extremely grateful for the solid first decade and change that my life and world were secure and loving and consistent, as I know that has ultimately trumped the rest.
Any parent who needs to stop drinking is one best doing it when a child is little. I hear enough alcoholics say they were 3 or so when their parent quit and "don't remember" which I'm sure is true - BUT kids do know on some level, and with the genetic component that exists in many of us (me, and not my brother, so far at least tho he drinks heavily)...growing up with a problem drinker as a parent is only harmful.
Any parent who needs to stop drinking is one best doing it when a child is little. I hear enough alcoholics say they were 3 or so when their parent quit and "don't remember" which I'm sure is true - BUT kids do know on some level, and with the genetic component that exists in many of us (me, and not my brother, so far at least tho he drinks heavily)...growing up with a problem drinker as a parent is only harmful.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
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I didn’t read the OP properly, I thought you’d stopped drinking and were bored. Read August’s post above, you only get one chance to raise your children properly, and in order to do so, alcohol abuse should be combatted. Try AA, SMART, posting daily on the threads in SR, AVRT, anything but drinking problematicaly when you’re in charge of young children!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Boredom (even though I don't experience it myself) can be combated in various ways.
Since I'm not bored, maybe I can share with you what is working and has worked for me.
*I think it's important to find out what fulfills you in life.
*Find out what you feel passionate about.
Find out what is fun (can't be drinking)
*Find out what you LOVE to do...different than what you "have" to do.....something that you don't feel is a "chore".
*Do you love animals? Do you have pets. Pet therapy is wonderful whether we know that's what we are doing or not. I don't know if that's possible with your little ones right now. But I know of people who do really well when they have a dog as a friend. Human friends are find, don't get me wrong, but there is something special about dogs. Just make sure it's a dog you are compatible with....the right disposition. Don't go by looks. Go by disposition.
*Do you love cooking, the outdoors, movies, arts and crafts. The list can be endless, really.
*Computers have changed the way we interact with the world; opening up avenues of communications...however....I would caution against spending too much time on the computer. I'm grateful for sites such as this though...
Okay this is just a start....remember: ALL the things you love to do best are better done without putting poison in your body.
Since I'm not bored, maybe I can share with you what is working and has worked for me.
*I think it's important to find out what fulfills you in life.
*Find out what you feel passionate about.
Find out what is fun (can't be drinking)
*Find out what you LOVE to do...different than what you "have" to do.....something that you don't feel is a "chore".
*Do you love animals? Do you have pets. Pet therapy is wonderful whether we know that's what we are doing or not. I don't know if that's possible with your little ones right now. But I know of people who do really well when they have a dog as a friend. Human friends are find, don't get me wrong, but there is something special about dogs. Just make sure it's a dog you are compatible with....the right disposition. Don't go by looks. Go by disposition.
*Do you love cooking, the outdoors, movies, arts and crafts. The list can be endless, really.
*Computers have changed the way we interact with the world; opening up avenues of communications...however....I would caution against spending too much time on the computer. I'm grateful for sites such as this though...
Okay this is just a start....remember: ALL the things you love to do best are better done without putting poison in your body.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by loulou1981
Hi, this sounds like me to a T! It is sometimes tough being parent & yes u get to the end of the day & u feel u deserve that glass of wine....however we know it doesn't stop at 1...if only!!
you've come to the right place though & please done be put off by any slightly negative comments.
I'm certainly no expert in sobriety & I have only been sober for 23 days, but what is helping me is exercise (there's plenty u can do at home or at a park with the kids) reading, watching addiction documentaries, listening to recovery podcasts (I do this when I'm making dinner instead of chugging the vino)! & I've started journaling. Find what's right for u as we're all very different. The last thing is just to keep coming here especially when u have the urge, which u will do.x
you've come to the right place though & please done be put off by any slightly negative comments.
I'm certainly no expert in sobriety & I have only been sober for 23 days, but what is helping me is exercise (there's plenty u can do at home or at a park with the kids) reading, watching addiction documentaries, listening to recovery podcasts (I do this when I'm making dinner instead of chugging the vino)! & I've started journaling. Find what's right for u as we're all very different. The last thing is just to keep coming here especially when u have the urge, which u will do.x
I’ve been cooped up in the house all week because it’s getting colder now and I don’t want to risk my baby out in the cold. So, basically, I’ve not been getting out. I’m going to start meditating... I hope that helps. I love writing, I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to do now???
I love SR and there’s no way I’m giving up on this. This community has helped me so much.
Thank you, loulou.
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Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Lava
Thanks everybody. Honestly, there's so much I'm trying to figure out about my life and my mind. I think I'll go the introspective route for a bit longer now. Your input has been very helpful.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Lava
I do need to start exercising, that’s for sure. It’s been a while since I last listened to recovery podcasts too, so I need to get back to that.
I’ve been cooped up in the house all week because it’s getting colder now and I don’t want to risk my baby out in the cold. So, basically, I’ve not been getting out. I’m going to start meditating... I hope that helps. I love writing, I just don’t know why it’s so hard for me to do now???
I love SR and there’s no way I’m giving up on this. This community has helped me so much.
Thank you, loulou.
I remember going through some postpartum depression....and I battled it out on my own. I don't recommend that! Life just took on a gray cast when I was depressed. I got through it somehow, but it was hard. For myself the lack of sleep was the biggest culprit to my depression. Don't be afraid to talk about this with your Dr. if you think you have it. The OB docs nowadays are more alert to postpartum depression.
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by August252015
A few cents and thoughts:
I saw you said you just moved to another country. Perhaps that is one reason, but why do you say you "just can't do AA?" Lots of people have logistics or situations or conditions or....that might seem legit for saying this but, to me, it's more often an excuse than a reality.
Perhaps adding a specific type of program based learning via podcasts, for example, is quite feasible - listening to them while the baby is down or such. Recovery Rocks, Recovery Happy Hour and Euphoric AF are some of my faves; some AA based host or guest vein, but also not limited to or particularly focused on 12 step.
Whenever folks list the things they have in a sobriety plan, I look to see what is FIRST. It's often not something critical to getting sober, like exercise or healthy diet, compared to what I would consider TRULY recovery specific. Dee always shares he based a plan on SR - connection with others. My first priority is AA (with all that it entails - do you know what the program is and isn't?). Others use methods you can learn about here - SMART/AVRT, etc.
Glad you are here and hope you make the first critical leap for anyone: not drinking.
I saw you said you just moved to another country. Perhaps that is one reason, but why do you say you "just can't do AA?" Lots of people have logistics or situations or conditions or....that might seem legit for saying this but, to me, it's more often an excuse than a reality.
Perhaps adding a specific type of program based learning via podcasts, for example, is quite feasible - listening to them while the baby is down or such. Recovery Rocks, Recovery Happy Hour and Euphoric AF are some of my faves; some AA based host or guest vein, but also not limited to or particularly focused on 12 step.
Whenever folks list the things they have in a sobriety plan, I look to see what is FIRST. It's often not something critical to getting sober, like exercise or healthy diet, compared to what I would consider TRULY recovery specific. Dee always shares he based a plan on SR - connection with others. My first priority is AA (with all that it entails - do you know what the program is and isn't?). Others use methods you can learn about here - SMART/AVRT, etc.
Glad you are here and hope you make the first critical leap for anyone: not drinking.
My last quit was good. The mistake I made was not coming here before drinking and not having a proper plan for my trigger. Now getting back there is sooooo hard.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
How ru feeling today?? 1 of the others mentioned the whole 'lonely aspect', I definitely think that's a high possibility, yes being with ur babies is amazing, however u need to have adult time too. Mine r 6 & 7 now so much less demanding but I honestly used to feel sometimes like going to work was a bit of a rest!! Some people wont understand but that's how I felt. I suffered with PPD with my 2nd & sadly I just didnt deal with that for well over a yr, I wish I'd have sorted it earlier.
I'm the same as u, no AA for me due to my job, I just cant bring myself to go, so that's why coming here is just amazing for me!!
Get a plan sorted & treat urself to something that makes u happy, whether it's a new book/makeup/clothing or just a hot interrupted bubble bath!!x
I'm the same as u, no AA for me due to my job, I just cant bring myself to go, so that's why coming here is just amazing for me!!
Get a plan sorted & treat urself to something that makes u happy, whether it's a new book/makeup/clothing or just a hot interrupted bubble bath!!x
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Hmmm.
Well, having raised two kids as a working mom, it's hard for me to conceive of being a bored stay at home mother. There's times I only wished I could be a stay at home mother because combining work with motherhood was frankly: "Hard". It was not EASY. So, on my days off I just felt so relieved that I could just be home that day and devoted myself to my babies!
So, I'm trying to put myself in your place and I wonder if you are not just bored, but LONELY for other adult company.....
I know being a stay at home mom can perhaps make a person feel they are less glamorous or something....but here's a thought: Try to go ahead and do something nice for yourself each day. It's not easy to do because the kids keep you so busy...but I think if you try it can be done....do something nice for YOU! I know just getting time to take a shower can be challenging, right? But, take a nice shower, put your makeup on and style your hair. It will give you an instant "lift". I once invited a Mary Kay consultant to my home for a makeover when my kids were little....It was free and felt a little indulgent, but it was wonderful.
Well, having raised two kids as a working mom, it's hard for me to conceive of being a bored stay at home mother. There's times I only wished I could be a stay at home mother because combining work with motherhood was frankly: "Hard". It was not EASY. So, on my days off I just felt so relieved that I could just be home that day and devoted myself to my babies!
So, I'm trying to put myself in your place and I wonder if you are not just bored, but LONELY for other adult company.....
I know being a stay at home mom can perhaps make a person feel they are less glamorous or something....but here's a thought: Try to go ahead and do something nice for yourself each day. It's not easy to do because the kids keep you so busy...but I think if you try it can be done....do something nice for YOU! I know just getting time to take a shower can be challenging, right? But, take a nice shower, put your makeup on and style your hair. It will give you an instant "lift". I once invited a Mary Kay consultant to my home for a makeover when my kids were little....It was free and felt a little indulgent, but it was wonderful.
I'm not saying my life is hard... I actually stated that ‘nothing was wrong’. Life would be good. I have an amazing providing husband... et cetera et cetera. However, I’ve discovered the issue. I need to get ‘comfortable with being uncomfortable’. For the longest time, I’ve run from my personal problems but I need to now stop and let myself steep in them, kwim? These problems are largely psychological so I need to give them time...
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Thanks for your post, Lava. You mentioned that "void" in you...I think it's awesome you recognize that! And, I think it does need addressing. I guess the good Lord is no respecter of persons. Addiction does not play favorites....even those who have it good in their lives can have a void, can be depressed, can be lonely, and can turn to substances. So, for you I'd say take a really good look again at that "void" and think of how it could be filled with something enriching that brings more satisfaction than a hangover. What can you see yourself being passionate for?
That is quite a change going from full time working mom to stay at home mom, but perhaps it's really less stressful. I'd see that as a plus.
I've had some dark times in my life....not knowing where to turn, etc....I'm glad you found this board....:I explore music a lot and found myself writing songs....it was a great discovery...but I do know how hard it is to do that with little ones....
That is quite a change going from full time working mom to stay at home mom, but perhaps it's really less stressful. I'd see that as a plus.
I've had some dark times in my life....not knowing where to turn, etc....I'm glad you found this board....:I explore music a lot and found myself writing songs....it was a great discovery...but I do know how hard it is to do that with little ones....
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