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Starting over

Old 10-27-2019, 06:45 AM
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Starting over

Hi everyone.

I was here a while back. (Hi Aprils 2018!) Had awesome sober time. Loved the support I received here. In fact I’ve read every day and feel like I know many of you... and I’m missing some members who haven’t posted in a while.

after a few months, I started drinking in moderation. i counted and gave myself a limit. I wanted to appear normal. I also wouldn’t drink for weeks at a time. and then there were a couple of moments where I had too many and it hurt tallying them up.

but I’m tired of counting. I’m tired of obsessing if I’m “doing good”... it’s all just a headache and I thinks it’s just easier to cut the shackles.

and I know it’s only a matter of time....

plan?
continue to read here.
join Octobers
participate in weekenders
start my psych visits again
diet/exercise
daily meditation
gratitude journal
get support from husband
not pick up again

i feel such relief posting... and yet selfish too.
my last day 1

thanks for reading.




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Old 10-27-2019, 07:24 AM
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Sounds like a plan. If you need to add anything to your plan then be open-minded to add it. Keep sobriety your no1 priority.
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Old 10-27-2019, 09:30 AM
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Welcome back!
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Old 10-27-2019, 09:35 AM
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Hi 3trees welcome back. I've done the exact same thing, counting. Somehow it kept getting away from me.

You'll get lots of good support here.
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Old 10-27-2019, 10:48 AM
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It's so good to see you back, 3trees. You sound ready - we know you can do it.
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Old 10-27-2019, 11:21 AM
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I was out last night driving all over town. I saw some folks here and there drinking. They looked tired.

I saw one guy that got so drunk he could not even stand up.

He was just trying to stay awake as people had to step around him.

At least he wasn't asleep.

My physical addiction is gone, but my brain still yearns for the euphoria of being high on booze.

So many folks are doing cbd as well these days. It is a mess.

When I crave I suffer. It used to hurt more, now it hardly hurts. I got here slowly.

I didn't heal or get well as much as I got used to feeling anguish and obsessions. Then things got better.

The brain damage is permanent. The brain has to rewire.

Each relapse make the hell on Earth deeper.

Nobody would really care if I relapsed except my family. The main person I don't want to let down is myself.

I think that is the only way. Dealing w the forever crave is too hard to manage unless it's for me.

Nobody knows except other addicts in recovery.

Getting ready to hit the gym and get me some natural endorphins. The gym can be addiction, but in moderation, it is a key for my continued sobriety.

Thanks.
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Old 10-27-2019, 12:02 PM
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Welcome back, and I agree with you. It's much easier to stop completely than to try and moderate our drinking. Your plan sounds good!
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Old 10-27-2019, 01:00 PM
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Hey! U sound like me!! I just cant .moderate. alcohol utterly consumes my thoughts, its exhausting!! Great that ur back!!
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Old 10-27-2019, 02:14 PM
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Hi 3trees...I remember you from April's!! Welcome back. I often wondered what happened to past Apriler's. What I have learnt from my previous attempts at quitting and then trying to moderate etc is that I just cannot. Lol. Today I completely accept that I cannot drink moderately or safely and after 18 months sober, yes as DriGuy posted, my brain can still yearn for that euphoric high nut I have to quickly remind myself that for the very short time that high will last, there will be up to 10 tens plus the misery, guilt, despair etc. I don't ever want to feel the way I did 18 months ago. My life is so much better for getting rid of tbe poison. You are back where you belong!!

🙏❤🙏❤
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Old 10-27-2019, 03:45 PM
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Welcome back 3 trees - sounds like the makings of a good plan there.

D
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Old 10-27-2019, 11:02 PM
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You are awesome. You came back!!!!
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Old 10-28-2019, 03:30 AM
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Glad you're back.

Continuing to read does us no good without action. But your last point should be first- don't pick up a drink again.
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Old 10-28-2019, 06:25 AM
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You can totally do this and you have some great ideas for moving forward. I'm finding that meetings and talking about my feelings/worries in general is really helping.

Starting over is a great thing - you can finally live the way you always wanted to live!
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Old 10-28-2019, 01:18 PM
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Hi I remember you from the April class.

I'm nearly 6 months sober. I wouldn't have been able to do this without the support here. I log on several times a day if I need to and just read
Welcome back
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Old 10-28-2019, 01:20 PM
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How's it going today 3trees? We are here.
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Old 10-28-2019, 08:08 PM
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Hi all!

thanks for the replies and welcome.
im doing well. Day 2 done.
Just another busy day..
i think the challenges this week will be traveling out of town for a high-stress business thing... and then wanting to celebrate being done with the thing.

always a reason, no?

taking a book I know I like. Running shoes. Swim suit. My hubby said to check out coffee shops instead of pubs..I know I can do it.

I feel a lot of support. It’s funny how posting and reading turns a different switch on..... thanks y’all!






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Old 10-29-2019, 10:43 AM
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How are you today 3trees?

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Old 10-29-2019, 11:50 AM
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Welcome back Trees!!

Hi Stable,

I posted a thread the other day that summarized some of my past day one posts. I joined SR in March of 2012, I had my last drink on December 31, 2015.

The thing that helped me make it my final day one was approaching recovery through the lens of becoming mentally and physically healthy. The first thing was alcohol was not an option, no matter how good, bad or ugly the day had been. I needed to establish new healthier coping mechanisms. I started by logging and reading on here several times a day, I made an appointment with a counselor and talked about my anxiety and a healthier way to treat it. I do have medication that I can take for times that I am feeling extremely anxious, and That is the only time I take it. I read lots of books about recovery, and saw myself in each of the stories, I reflected in what each of the authors did to finally get sober, there is a thread on here about recovery books, you may want to check one or two out. I make it a point to go for a walk outdoors every day, the combination of being in nature and exercise really helps. One of the things that has helped me the most is mindfulness. I work really hard to remain in the present moment. I cannot change my past, I can only learn from it, and worrying about the “mights and ifs” only causes stress in the present moment. There are tons of videos and articles online that can help you work on this. It is a really great skill in early recovery because you remain focused on making positive choices in the current moment in time. Finally, looking at life through a lens of gratitude has been the most helpful thing of all. You can make a list today of all you are grateful for. It can be as simple as having an hour of sobriety and the support of the amazing people on SR.

You can do this. It is simple, but not easy. I am so excited for you to start building back that sober time.
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Old 10-29-2019, 04:36 PM
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Hi 3treees

if you have some challenges coming up why not start thinking about a recovery action plan now - a plan to work out exactly how you'll stay sober.

Doing things and being productive is great but maybe that doesn't address the specific things like wanting to drink, feeling left out when you're not drinking, handling stress and loneliness sober on a trip...all those kinds of things?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D
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Old 10-30-2019, 01:13 AM
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Thanks Dee.
This is helpful.
I will work on this in the airport and on the plane to keep me focused and prepared for this weekend and then revisit next weekend.

as the college football game weekends come and go, holidays are approaching, big milestones for my kids and such, I will use the plan and tweak it until all the right gears are in place to keep the machine running on ANYTHING but alcohol.

it helps knowing that from my experience people don’t really care if I’m drinking or not. And once in a while they might ask or push the drinks. I’ve learned “no thanks” said over and over amazingly works!! Lol.

The AV on the other hand, doesn’t take “no” for an answer so easily.

thanks for the plan link.

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