Red78

What are peoples experiences with their own emotional intelligence once going sober?
I sometimes feel emotionally immature and wondered if drinking kept me from emotionally growing..

Anna

Oh, I absolutely believe it does. I think we kind of stall at the point when we start drinking, and then when we stop drinking, we have to begin to move forward in our emotional development again.

Dee74

I had to grow a lot when I got sober but I think it's inevitable.
When you actively engage with Lifes problem and the feelings they provoke, you grow as a result of that

D

tomsteve

when i got sober i heard that an alcoholic stops growing mentally and emotionally when they take their first drink. i believed it true for me;
36 when i got sober, i was 13 mentally and emoitonally.

Helianthus

When I stopped drinking I was kind of disappointed about how emotionally immature I was, but then how could I have expected to develop any life skills when I had the perfect thing to avoid everything? The good thing, for me at least, is that after a lot of hard work I finally feel like I can trust myself to make good decisions based on rational thought rather than knee jerk emotional reactions. I think I will always need to work on myself to keep growing but it's nice to be in a place where I don't have to second guess everything I say (I am almost 18 months sober if that helps).

Good luck!

kinzoku

Less confidence, more intelligence.

Hevyn

I definitely kept myself on hold when I drank all those years. Alcohol was a buffer, but not in a good way.

Purpleman

One of the best gifts I've received from being alcohol free is finally listening to - & acting on - my intuition. Doesn't mean I get it "right" every time, but I trust myself much more these days to make better decisions

least

After being sober for a while, I was amazed at how much more stable my emotions were. I don't fly off the handle anymore. I am so much happier these days.

D122y

I am not that hard on myself. I think I matured, I managed a full career, pretty successful. I started drinking at 5 years old or so.

I definitely don't handle stress that well. I am sure drinking too much didn't help me get this figured out.

But, really the only reason I was able to quit and firmly address all my issues was because of the internet.

So many folks out there saying the www is making a world of half baked idiots.

Fine with me, it saved my life.

Anyway, I prefer to call the old me a a chemically altered version of me.

That dude is gone forever. Thanks to Sr, via the www.

Thanks.

shortstop81

I absolutely think that has been the case for me. I started drinking at 14 and I just never developed certain coping skills as an adult. I still was functional - went to college, got a job, etc. But I had always struggled in my personal life, especially with relationships and friendships. Oh, and BOUNDARIES.

I've come a long way in sobriety so far, even though I know there's a lot more growing to do.

DriGuy

I agree with others that say alcohol inhibits personal growth. I experienced my own maturation going on hold, and starting up again after I quit. It was not like it stopped all personal growth, but certain areas seemed to be most affected. Dealing with problems in my life or at work seemed to take a hit. I can't say I understand why this happens. I don't even know that alcohol caused that retardation of growth. I just know that the two things happened at the same time. I think it was the alcohol.

Callas

I can’t say that I experienced any difference in my emotional maturity. As a drinker I was completely aware of my problem. I just did not want to stop. It took physical withdrawal and health issues to correct my ways. If not for that I probably would still be drinking. I am very glad I don’t but I have to be honest about the reasons.

Snowydelrico

My emotional maturity has come on leaps and bounds since becoming sober.
I am processing my mum’s recent passing away very well. In a healthy way . It’s almost peaceful.
No way I could do this with a drink in me.


I believe alcohol stunts your growth.

Red78

Thanks for all the replies. I'm finding that I can be reactional sometimes especially when someone points out my shortcomings, obviously hearing that you can be less than admirable at times can be hard, I do wonder sometimes if it's the delivery of that or that I'm overly sensitive to that sort of put down/critique/constructive critism..
I find I can get frustrated and irritated quite easily and I really don't wanna be like that..
I've been drinking since 15 and find although I understand emotional intelligence and what's the best way to deal with issues and situations, I can't seem to actually pull it off in real life..
I guess the answer will be to not drink...

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CRRHCC

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is making your emotions work for you instead of against you.

Lance Dodes, Psychiatrist states that all addictions are attempts to reverse feelings of helplessness. Helplessness is a subdivision of the emotion fear. According to Dodes, every addictive act is preceded, with or without conscious awareness, by a feeling of intolerable helplessness. This includes all addictive behaviors, including chronic abuse of alcohol, drugs, sex, spending, gambling, porn, internet use, and so on.​ Here is how it works: When people are presented with specific circumstances in life that they find personally overwhelming, intolerable, extremely frustrating, helpless, instead of responding with a direct action to deal with how they feel, they respond with a displaced or substitute behavior that helps them escape the trap of feeling helpless, powerless and out of control. Addictions are all substitute (or displaced) actions. Addictive acts, take the place of a more direct response to feelings of helplessness in a particular situation. When people understand the psychology of addiction, the way addiction works, they usually can find some more direct action to deal with their helplessness. When they do, they have become the master of their addiction rather than its slave.

"A fool vents all their feelings, but a wise person holds them in control." Proverbs 29:11

Red78

Very powerful and certainly agree.. Thank you

Dee74

I think its a leap of faith. You have to put your faith in the idea that you can handle life - and whatever it throws up, without drinking.

Its not easy to begin with - but you're not alone either - you have all of us for support.

I often say I found out I was more capable than I ever knew. I think, in not so very long a time, you'll find that too.

D

thomas11

100% agree that alcoholism stunts your emotional maturity. And for me, maturity in general. Since getting sober I think and act like the adult I am.

DriGuy

Alcoholics are a subset of society that come from all walks of life. Some are doctors and lawyers and some are scraping by trying to make ends meet. We come to recovery with varying levels of life skills and emotional maturity. The one thing we have in common is that we all drink way more than we should and we end up suffering from it.