abgator

Hey folks. Just had to vent for a moment. I'm about 7 weeks sober, haven't even considered taking a drink at this point until today. I still have no intention of doing so. I woke up this morning feeling fine. Put in a little work, but my mind slowly slipped into depression and loneliness.

I got ready and went to church. I'm still not a Christian, yet I go anyway, as I often have found it motivating. But instead of feeling good about the message as I usually do, I found myself getting angry and feeling resentment at every word the guest pastor was saying.

Then it just snowballed. Lunch by myself. Things started to go wrong as I tried to get work done at the house. Something breaks, Something super simple started to get complicated. My frustration grew and my heart rate sky rocketed. 2 hours later and my heart is still pounding. Meditation or tv isn't helping. Normally this is when I cave in and go on a bender, which I'm determined not to do. At the same time, I can't calm down or let go of this rage and anxiety.

silentrun

It's the worst feeling. I had lots of problems with anger but I also lined up early recovery with menopause so there is that.

Normally, I would say to pay attention to your anger because it's a big red flag that there's something there you need to address. 7 weeks in it could be just your brain adjusting.

Probably the best thing I ever did after suffering for a year was to go into my GP and ask to be put on anti-depressants. They worked and I ended up trying to go off them before I was ready and the anger returned. Now I'm past the peri menopause stage and off them for months and am fine. I would suggest you talk to your doctor. You don't have to take them forever but the next year or two will be rough and some help will be nice.

Then if you get angry you will know it means you've hit on something you're trying to avoid.

Opivotal

When I felt like this, I would walk until exhaustion took over the anger. Sometimes the treadmill if the weather was bad. Like you, I didn't know what else to do as drinking was not an option.

Can you try exercise to get out of your own head?

Anna

Walking was what worked for me, too. Keep trying things until you find something that helps to calm you down a bit. I hope you feel better.

Atlast9999

Bonnefond87

Yes, walked for hours and hours with Podcasts about all different things - takes you right out of your present thinking. Pounded the treadmill or the rowing machine - with music on loud. Scrubbed floors. Rearranged the furniture. Tore the wallpaper off and started again. I ate up all that anger as fuel.

lessgravity

The gym is my church for this reason as much as any.

Zevin

Congratulations on 7 weeks, Abgator! It's great you are able to identify the feelings of being frustrated and yet deciding you are NOT going to drink at them.

Was there something in the sermon topic that stirred up these feelings of rage, frustration and anxiety?
I agree with everyone else about a walk or some other sort of exercise. And a meeting, if you do AA.
Thanks for posting. It always helps me to read about other people having the same inexplicable feelings while being sober.

Dee74

Whatever got you angry isn't worth ruining your whole day.

I had to say that to myself a bunch of times when I got into recovery, now its pretty automatic.

If I can fix the thing making me angry, I'll fix it - if not I let it go.

Another vote for exercise, or a funny movie maybe.

Letting something fester only hurts me, not the person or thing I'm angry at.

D

Tetrax

That sounds a great moment for exercise. Hope you got through ok? You've made some great gains over there in Gainesville, push on through and move forward.

least

I find that petting my dog and/or cats helps me to calm down and feel better. Also making a gratitude list helps me.

BeABetterMan

Epictetus

“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

Buddhism teaches us that anger, like all mental states, is created by the mind. “No one makes you angry. You make yourself angry.” In Buddhism, in order to neutralize a conflictive emotion and not let it spread like a malignant cancer, one can begin to cultivate the opposite emotion, hence, loving kindness meditation. Which the first part is directed at oneself:

may I be happy
may I be well
may you be free from suffering
may I progress

The root of anger is usually hurt, which you have most likely allowed to seep into your boundaries. You have the power.


may you be happy
may you be well
may you be free from suffering
may you progress

abgator

Mine also. I work out 4 or 5 days a week. Sunday was the off day and I tend to need those if I've been pushing my body hard in the gym. Unfortunately, with that anger, I had gotten anxious. I can't even approach light cardio when my heart rate is already through the roof while sitting down lol.

It took a few hours, but I pulled out of it by night time (and without drinking). I zoned out in front of the tv watching reruns of Bones, which is something I don't get to do often. When I don't have my kid, all my free time is spent at the gym or AA. While it keeps me active, it's also an ass-whip to not have any downtime and I start to get burned out.

Thanks, folks

abgator

I'm trying to adopt a dog, but the rescue group I want to go through is terrible at communication. Maybe I didn't pass the application because I don't have someone at home full time and they're just not courteous enough to tell me. It's difficult to get an English Bull Terrier, but I've had 3 of them and its' the only breed I want.

PhoenixJ

The preacher was a focus for your anger? Not because of who he was or said, but just he happened to be there.
About 2y ago when seeing my psychologist- I was filled such a rage about someone- that ONE person was the reason for my miseries. I almost demanded he do something about it. He pointed out people in a traumatic phase of recovery will often focus all of their anger on one person, as it represents all that is frustrating, anger causing...…
So not liking his words, but knowing when I hear something I do not want to hear- it means I have work to do...I did a lot of journal writing and waited until that wave of rage left- to think more clearly. Then discussed it with my 'professional friends' (GP, psychologist, counsellor). Also going to meetings- not necessarily to share my crap feelings- but to listen helped. All helped just enough for me to cope with those emotions and put a handle on them.

abgator

In most cases, I'd agree with you. In this case, it was absolutely what he was saying in conjunction with who was saying it. I, as a general rule, have a big issue (regardless of the topic) with someone who hasn't experienced something to tell others how to feel about it or deal with it. This applies to all kinds of things. Most people wouldn't want marriage counseling from a person who has never been married. I prefer to hear addiction advice from someone who knows first hand what it's like to have an addiction. And in the case of that sermon, I don't want a self proclaimed happily married man to his high school sweetheart to tell those of us divorced how we should feel about it and how we should never have lonely feelings.

I do agree that even just listening at meetings helps.

awuh1

Someone once said to me "Every time you get angry you have an unmet expectation".
I did not believe it at first....but I have found it to be one of the most valuable things anyone has ever said to me.

D122y

I sort of blasted through the replies to what I see as a question.

The short answer I found for feeling angry is this....

Permanent brain damage from years of alcohol abuse. That is it.

I don't call myself an alcoholic in public. It is a label that changes insurance forms and resumes. I was never diagnosed with anything. I handled my problems and they have gotten better since I quit booze.

I drank too much and now I don't drink anymore.

So as my brain rewired....

Basically, I felt like I was going insane off and on for the first 6 months.

Actually, I still feel like I am a little bit crazy. The booze began the crazy, medicated the crazy, and it made it worse.

I am not a Dr. The SR answer is see a Dr.

I didn't. I sucked it up. The Dr. would have given me "anti" meds for whatever. Now I am diagnosed with something I am not sure I really had.

Why? Because I am rewiring from being a drunk for 40 years. It is going to take a while. How long?

I am currently feeling super amazing. The big thing that helps me is exercise. I get natural endorphins and dopamine. The booze altered that. After over 4 years without a relapse, I am still seeing improvements.

My strength is nothing for a man my size, but I am twice as strong as I was when quit for sure. I am way healthier.

I also found my natural endorphins are returning in spades. I get high on life now. But, I am totally med free except for,some otc vits and some moringa. I also take creatine for working out.

I still obsess, but not like before. I talk to folks to see if things bother them like me and honestly feel things do. Everybody hurts. But, as an ex drunk, I am still feeling like a exposed nerve sometimes. But, it is getting better by the moment.

When I quit being a drunk it seemed the world moved too fast. Lights were too bright, people laughed too loud. Shadows scared me. It was pretty weird.

There were a few incidents as I healed, e.g. i told someone to leave me alone and it hurt their feelings. But, nothing really illegal.

But, there were moments of complete peace. These moments gave me hope. Those moments have lengthened. Things don't bug me like before.

I have a buddy that is sort of extreme opposite of me. He says thing don't bother him because he doesn't care. I don't want to be that extreme. I want to be something in the middle.

I am getting there...as long as I never ever ever ever....never ever...drink booze again.

It was a learned behavior I have unlearned.

Thanks.

Turtle82

I can't recall a time when my anger wasn't a symptom fear.