lessgravity

I have a few friends who are drinking today. It's football Sunday and they have had a few early cocktails. I was feeling some jealousy. I wanted to pour myself a stiff drink before noon. I wanted to be able to forget about things for a while. I wanted to laugh about things that weren't all that funny and get excited about things that weren't all that exciting.

But of course all it takes is for me to play the tape out and see where I would end up if I had just that one drink. 1 is too much and 100 is never enough. I'd want to keep consuming and consuming, chasing a buzz that is fleeting and never really arrives. And I wouldn't be escaping anything, except of course very momentarily. The responsibilities and realities of life would come creeping up once again on a Sunday night. And the Monday morning of anxiety and fear and terror and total nausea would be upon me again.

There never was an escape. There was only and addiction and giving into that addiction. It was always the opposite of escape, even though it took me a long time to see that.

I don't have a choice to drink or not to drink if I want to live a life that I'm proud of and happy with. So it's left to my friends and others who can take it or leave it when it comes to alcohol. For me, I'll be sober as a bird, once again. And tomorrow morning will arrive with peace and integrity.

least

After almost 10 yrs sober, I rarely even think about drinking, much less wanting to do it.

I am content in my sobriety and want to stay that way.

Anna

Yeah, I thought drinking was an escape, too, but I quickly became a prisoner.

Callas

Well put. My feelings exactly.

Hevyn

Good & helpful thoughts, lessgravity. Thank you.

I used to think of it as a little vacation from reality. Worries would leave me for a time - or seem to. Then reality would return with a vengeance. We made life so difficult for ourselves, thinking we were enhancing it. I'm so thankful we don't live that way anymore.

Kdon853

Football Sunday’s. At the bar at noon , watch the 1oclock 4 and 8 o’clock game. Basically the whole thing an excuse to drink , get home. Early train to work on Monday feeling like crap.. I’m so glad that’s over. I actually watch the games now . When I want to. There’s other things to do on a Sunday.

tomsteve

There never was an escape. There was only and addiction and giving into that addiction.
what i thought was escaping in reality put me further into my own prison.

one of the great things about sobriety is that ive been able to find ways to forget about things for a while without alcohol or drugs. i got quite lost on a walk with a dog last week. ended up walkin 8 miles through the woods because i was in the moment and nothing on my mind but how much that dog was lovin the walk

Primativo

I know the feeling. Ultimately though, drinking is such a waste of time. Yes, you may feel content very very briefly, but it never lasts long, then you will need more and more drink to keep the buzz going. For me I won't stop, I'll keep drinking until I pass out. It didn't happen every time, but the times I stopped, I wasn't satisfied and it was hard work.

I drank to block out life and to escape, but the problem was life doesn't go away, it's waiting for you when you sober up / wake up, and then you have anxiety, terror, panic, withdrawals etc.

No thanks.

Dee74

drinking to me was the absence of angst...I would nbever have drunk for so long or so hard if that wasn't the case....but of course the longer I drank the less the angst went away.

I look back and see now I was simply swapping one prison for another.

Recovery is definitely 'the key' to freedom

D

PinnacleOR

I still love watching Sunday football. The difference is now I actually watch the game instead of constantly checking to see how much booze was left in my glass. Alcohol takes everything and gives nothing. What a relief to be sober.

Ghostlight1

I still enjoy watching football. I never drank a lot while watching the games. And that's relative. Analogous to how much I drank when I wasn't watching a game. Which, of course, was a scary amount.
Football games actually kept me semi lucid. That was my little vacation from drink. Any other time I was drinking like an elephant. That's what would have put me on a permanent vacation had I not quit.

snitch

Yes. I think this is one of the biggest reasons if not THE reason that I continued drinking over and over again and only a couple of weeks ago I felt this very way on a night out in London but I don't have the privilege of cutting loose for a bit on a friday or Saturday night or a Sunday with a few drinks because like you 1 is too many and 1000 is never enough and since that night I have acceptance around this and I can honestly say , hand on heart, that TODAY if all of a sudden there was a miracle cure for alcoholism and i could have a few drinks without setting off the phenomenan of craving then I would turn it down because I don't want alcohol to give me an escape ever again, I love tomsteves post about walking his dog for miles. I would rather go do my yoga classes, meditate, go for long walks, swim, roller blade or if I loved football (which I do not) really watch and enjoy the game with clear eyes and a clear head to get away from the realitiy of "life" for a while. Even non alcoholics get hangovers and feel sh$t and I never ever want to feel that way again.


Well done for playing that tape forward. That is tbe reality of escape for us.

🙏❤🙏👍

DriGuy

Frankly, I never felt like escaped from anything when I drank. My problems were still there. They may have been clouded, but still the prominent thing on my mind. My problems were now just drunken problems.

I have heard many people say they drank to escape, so I will take that as something that others experienced, but it didn't help anything for me. I can remember the first time I experienced something like the illusion of escape that people talk about. I was starting to drink heavily in college, and I had a bad toothache, and one of my roommates suggested I drink a pint of scotch, because it always helped him with pain. So I drank a pint, and nothing happened. I was still in pain, and now besides that, the room was spinning. I enjoyed the scotch. I'll honestly admit to that, but at the same time, I wasn't buying the cure for pain, and I thought people just invent things like that as an excuse to drink. When I had a cold, I used to drink orange juice with vodka. It did nothing for my cold, but I enjoyed the vodka with the orange juice. But that was long ago before my drinking just became a nightmare.