Going fairly well recently - but... PAWS?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 440
Going fairly well recently - but... PAWS?
About 3 months ago I felt so sick I couldn't even hold down a drink to make me feel better. It just came right back up.
I had been drinking daily, large amounts, mostly just kept myself in my bed. There comes a point where you simply cannot... have any choice but ask for help - it takes a lot for me, but when it's gone far enough I just have to.
I was also addicted to Klonopin at an insane amount (I'm talking 20-30mg/day). I have been on benzos for around 15 years. Illegaly at first, then I finally got a prescription of Valium 9 years ago. 30mg/day.
I have to says it annoys me when people say "benzos are bad". Benzos gave me a life, but alcohol destroyed it. My first name literally means "Bear" in Norwegian, but even them don't hibernate for 6 years (I isolated isolated myself because of my f- GA/SA (General/Social Anxiety), after I got ahold of benzos, they took the edge off, which was all I needed)
With benzos, I function. With alcohol, I do not. As I've kept saying; Benzos gave me a life, Alcohol destroyed it.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I felt so sick I finally agreed to go to the hospital for a detox. Stayed there for a week, then got transferred to a rehab facility (yet again, for maybe the 5th time, I've lost count). The doc at the hospital asked me if I wanted to go there or go home, but strongly recommended rehab.
As I'm very familiar with this particular facility (the building, the layout, the staff, the whole thing), I decided that, alright, I guess I'll go for it yet again.
I stayed there for 7 weeks. After I came home, I started an unpaid internship at an antique store. It's been 4 weeks now and it has gone fairly well, except... I feel down. Something is missing. Depressed and fatigued. Totally exhausted. This, I suspect, is PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawl) - yet, there are things within the next 6 months I have to look forward to, and have to stay sober.
The volleyball season just started again, that is one thing that engages me (team sports). Familiar faces, and one of them is a graphic designer. I've contacted her, asked if she could make a logo for the business my father is going to start, in which he will hire me as an "IT coordinator". Making a website for his company is step 1, which I've already started on. I'm a tech-geek, but graphics is not my strong point, that's why I asked my volley team mate to design a logo.
Before the business launches, my father and I will travel to London for a week, a "business trip (with benefits
).
So those are at least 3-4 things I need to stay sober for (the work initiative, the startup of a company, team sports, the London trip)
I can't be sitting on a plane ordering 3 cans of beer every half hour - which I did on a trip to Malta 4 years ago. I can't forget how I forgot about 90% of that trip. Cheap alcohol, got totally wasted every day - almost a miracle I made it home (missed 3 flights back).
But okay, I've had a long enough 'career', about 9 years, as an alcoholic. I should have learned by now. As long as I don't mess up again, I project I will eventually feel better.
I had been drinking daily, large amounts, mostly just kept myself in my bed. There comes a point where you simply cannot... have any choice but ask for help - it takes a lot for me, but when it's gone far enough I just have to.
I was also addicted to Klonopin at an insane amount (I'm talking 20-30mg/day). I have been on benzos for around 15 years. Illegaly at first, then I finally got a prescription of Valium 9 years ago. 30mg/day.
I have to says it annoys me when people say "benzos are bad". Benzos gave me a life, but alcohol destroyed it. My first name literally means "Bear" in Norwegian, but even them don't hibernate for 6 years (I isolated isolated myself because of my f- GA/SA (General/Social Anxiety), after I got ahold of benzos, they took the edge off, which was all I needed)
With benzos, I function. With alcohol, I do not. As I've kept saying; Benzos gave me a life, Alcohol destroyed it.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I felt so sick I finally agreed to go to the hospital for a detox. Stayed there for a week, then got transferred to a rehab facility (yet again, for maybe the 5th time, I've lost count). The doc at the hospital asked me if I wanted to go there or go home, but strongly recommended rehab.
As I'm very familiar with this particular facility (the building, the layout, the staff, the whole thing), I decided that, alright, I guess I'll go for it yet again.
I stayed there for 7 weeks. After I came home, I started an unpaid internship at an antique store. It's been 4 weeks now and it has gone fairly well, except... I feel down. Something is missing. Depressed and fatigued. Totally exhausted. This, I suspect, is PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawl) - yet, there are things within the next 6 months I have to look forward to, and have to stay sober.
The volleyball season just started again, that is one thing that engages me (team sports). Familiar faces, and one of them is a graphic designer. I've contacted her, asked if she could make a logo for the business my father is going to start, in which he will hire me as an "IT coordinator". Making a website for his company is step 1, which I've already started on. I'm a tech-geek, but graphics is not my strong point, that's why I asked my volley team mate to design a logo.
Before the business launches, my father and I will travel to London for a week, a "business trip (with benefits
).So those are at least 3-4 things I need to stay sober for (the work initiative, the startup of a company, team sports, the London trip)
I can't be sitting on a plane ordering 3 cans of beer every half hour - which I did on a trip to Malta 4 years ago. I can't forget how I forgot about 90% of that trip. Cheap alcohol, got totally wasted every day - almost a miracle I made it home (missed 3 flights back).
But okay, I've had a long enough 'career', about 9 years, as an alcoholic. I should have learned by now. As long as I don't mess up again, I project I will eventually feel better.
Sober date 9-30-19
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Scranton, PA.
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Polaroid 
About 3 months ago I felt so sick I couldn't even hold down a drink to make me feel better. It just came right back up.
I had been drinking daily, large amounts, mostly just kept myself in my bed. There comes a point where you simply cannot... have any choice but ask for help - it takes a lot for me, but when it's gone far enough I just have to.
I was also addicted to Klonopin at an insane amount (I'm talking 20-30mg/day). I have been on benzos for around 15 years. Illegaly at first, then I finally got a prescription of Valium 9 years ago. 30mg/day.
I have to says it annoys me when people say "benzos are bad". Benzos gave me a life, but alcohol destroyed it. My first name literally means "Bear" in Norwegian, but even them don't hibernate for 6 years (I isolated isolated myself because of my f- GA/SA (General/Social Anxiety), after I got ahold of benzos, they took the edge off, which was all I needed)
With benzos, I function. With alcohol, I do not. As I've kept saying; Benzos gave me a life, Alcohol destroyed it.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I felt so sick I finally agreed to go to the hospital for a detox. Stayed there for a week, then got transferred to a rehab facility (yet again, for maybe the 5th time, I've lost count). The doc at the hospital asked me if I wanted to go there or go home, but strongly recommended rehab.
As I'm very familiar with this particular facility (the building, the layout, the staff, the whole thing), I decided that, alright, I guess I'll go for it yet again.
I stayed there for 7 weeks. After I came home, I started an unpaid internship at an antique store. It's been 4 weeks now and it has gone fairly well, except... I feel down. Something is missing. Depressed and fatigued. Totally exhausted. This, I suspect, is PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawl) - yet, there are things within the next 6 months I have to look forward to, and have to stay sober.
The volleyball season just started again, that is one thing that engages me (team sports). Familiar faces, and one of them is a graphic designer. I've contacted her, asked if she could make a logo for the business my father is going to start, in which he will hire me as an "IT coordinator". Making a website for his company is step 1, which I've already started on. I'm a tech-geek, but graphics is not my strong point, that's why I asked my volley team mate to design a logo.
Before the business launches, my father and I will travel to London for a week, a "business trip (with benefits).
So those are at least 3-4 things I need to stay sober for (the work initiative, the startup of a company, team sports, the London trip)
I can't be sitting on a plane ordering 3 cans of beer every half hour - which I did on a trip to Malta 4 years ago. I can't forget how I forgot about 90% of that trip. Cheap alcohol, got totally wasted every day - almost a miracle I made it home (missed 3 flights back).
But okay, I've had a long enough 'career', about 9 years, as an alcoholic. I should have learned by now. As long as I don't mess up again, I project I will eventually feel better.
I had been drinking daily, large amounts, mostly just kept myself in my bed. There comes a point where you simply cannot... have any choice but ask for help - it takes a lot for me, but when it's gone far enough I just have to.
I was also addicted to Klonopin at an insane amount (I'm talking 20-30mg/day). I have been on benzos for around 15 years. Illegaly at first, then I finally got a prescription of Valium 9 years ago. 30mg/day.
I have to says it annoys me when people say "benzos are bad". Benzos gave me a life, but alcohol destroyed it. My first name literally means "Bear" in Norwegian, but even them don't hibernate for 6 years (I isolated isolated myself because of my f- GA/SA (General/Social Anxiety), after I got ahold of benzos, they took the edge off, which was all I needed)
With benzos, I function. With alcohol, I do not. As I've kept saying; Benzos gave me a life, Alcohol destroyed it.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. I felt so sick I finally agreed to go to the hospital for a detox. Stayed there for a week, then got transferred to a rehab facility (yet again, for maybe the 5th time, I've lost count). The doc at the hospital asked me if I wanted to go there or go home, but strongly recommended rehab.
As I'm very familiar with this particular facility (the building, the layout, the staff, the whole thing), I decided that, alright, I guess I'll go for it yet again.
I stayed there for 7 weeks. After I came home, I started an unpaid internship at an antique store. It's been 4 weeks now and it has gone fairly well, except... I feel down. Something is missing. Depressed and fatigued. Totally exhausted. This, I suspect, is PAWS (Post-Acute Withdrawl) - yet, there are things within the next 6 months I have to look forward to, and have to stay sober.
The volleyball season just started again, that is one thing that engages me (team sports). Familiar faces, and one of them is a graphic designer. I've contacted her, asked if she could make a logo for the business my father is going to start, in which he will hire me as an "IT coordinator". Making a website for his company is step 1, which I've already started on. I'm a tech-geek, but graphics is not my strong point, that's why I asked my volley team mate to design a logo.
Before the business launches, my father and I will travel to London for a week, a "business trip (with benefits
).So those are at least 3-4 things I need to stay sober for (the work initiative, the startup of a company, team sports, the London trip)
I can't be sitting on a plane ordering 3 cans of beer every half hour - which I did on a trip to Malta 4 years ago. I can't forget how I forgot about 90% of that trip. Cheap alcohol, got totally wasted every day - almost a miracle I made it home (missed 3 flights back).
But okay, I've had a long enough 'career', about 9 years, as an alcoholic. I should have learned by now. As long as I don't mess up again, I project I will eventually feel better.
Hoping all these crappy symptoms fade away soon!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Polaroid
I was lacking energy, without joy and generally trudging though life for a while.
I think we underestimate the effect that our drinking takes on mind and body, and we underestimate the time it will take to right ourselves.
If you've made any recent changes to your benzo script or dosage that could be a factor too (not a doctor - just dispensing common sense)
If you're concerned tho why not get a full check up from your Doctor?
D
I was lacking energy, without joy and generally trudging though life for a while.
I think we underestimate the effect that our drinking takes on mind and body, and we underestimate the time it will take to right ourselves.
If you've made any recent changes to your benzo script or dosage that could be a factor too (not a doctor - just dispensing common sense)
If you're concerned tho why not get a full check up from your Doctor?
D
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