This is my story
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 10
This is my story
Hi there everyone. I am a newcomer to the forum and have read some of your stories. Being able to have some support from other people is why I am here. I am here, beginning my journey to quit drinking before it ruins my health and life. I'm going to share a raw and honest post because I think its a good place to start in healing. It is also something I haven't really said to anyone.
I am not the person who drinks alcohol every day, but I cannot seem to go more than a week without drinking. When I do drink, I am at the point where I have an entire bottle of wine or a little more. While I don't indulge in liquors and I always just sleep and eat after drinking, I am concerned about how my drinking habits are evolving. I am definitely struggling with an alcohol use disorder. I also struggle with binge eating. Between all the food and wine I am at my heaviest weight ever. That is taking a toll on my self-worth.
I think the root of my issues come from traumatic experiences in my childhood. My mother is an alcoholic who due to her addiction abandoned me at the age of 10. I was making her drinks and waking her up at my young age. She was also physically abusive; for instance waking me up in the middle of the night to beat me. The last thing I remember her saying from the last time I saw her was to my father - "why is my daughter so fat and ugly" of course she was drunk.
From there my father remarried to a woman who was not very kind towards me. She excluded me from family events and made a big deal about my weight as well. After my father decided to divorce her, in one of the last conversations with her she told me that I will become fat without her.
Few years later my dad died. I've blocked out most of my childhood, unable to remember most of its events.
I've been able to persevere through all this and am actually doing well in my life, on the other side of all this. I am sure my drinking habits are partially hereditary and part a way to deal with all these things. I am here to work on that.
Thanks for the support.
I am not the person who drinks alcohol every day, but I cannot seem to go more than a week without drinking. When I do drink, I am at the point where I have an entire bottle of wine or a little more. While I don't indulge in liquors and I always just sleep and eat after drinking, I am concerned about how my drinking habits are evolving. I am definitely struggling with an alcohol use disorder. I also struggle with binge eating. Between all the food and wine I am at my heaviest weight ever. That is taking a toll on my self-worth.
I think the root of my issues come from traumatic experiences in my childhood. My mother is an alcoholic who due to her addiction abandoned me at the age of 10. I was making her drinks and waking her up at my young age. She was also physically abusive; for instance waking me up in the middle of the night to beat me. The last thing I remember her saying from the last time I saw her was to my father - "why is my daughter so fat and ugly" of course she was drunk.
From there my father remarried to a woman who was not very kind towards me. She excluded me from family events and made a big deal about my weight as well. After my father decided to divorce her, in one of the last conversations with her she told me that I will become fat without her.
Few years later my dad died. I've blocked out most of my childhood, unable to remember most of its events.
I've been able to persevere through all this and am actually doing well in my life, on the other side of all this. I am sure my drinking habits are partially hereditary and part a way to deal with all these things. I am here to work on that.
Thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome, livelovedogs. You are in a safe, supportive space here and will find may others with similar stories on the same journey. Good for you coming here and telling your story.
Quitting drinking isn't crazy hard once you make the choice to do so. The choice is the hard part- and allowing people to help you as you need them. Read the posts, ask questions and the people here will show you the other side.
Best to you.
Quitting drinking isn't crazy hard once you make the choice to do so. The choice is the hard part- and allowing people to help you as you need them. Read the posts, ask questions and the people here will show you the other side.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support here. Two great threads are the 24 Hour Recovery Thread, and the monthly classes, October 2019 is the most current class. The nice thing about both of these threads is you will find a supportive community. The 24 hour thread has people with different periods of sobriety from one hour to decades. The October class will be filled with others who are committing or recommitting to sobriety and can be really helpful when you’re starting out.
I approached sobriety through a lens of making healthy mental and physical choices. I made sure to get outdoors and get some exercise everyday, I find walking in nature a great way to clear my head. I also took time to journal and read books and articles about recovery which really helped me frame the right mindset. I think I of the biggest changes for me was working on mindfulness, I work hard to focus on the current moment, not stressing about what’s to come, or beating myself up about what’s happened in the past. I also focus on making good choices in this moment, although I still need to work at this it has helped lessen my anxiety. One other facet of my recovery has been looking at life through a lens of gratitude.
I’m looking forward to seeing you on SR, reading and posting here daily is truly a wonderful support.
I approached sobriety through a lens of making healthy mental and physical choices. I made sure to get outdoors and get some exercise everyday, I find walking in nature a great way to clear my head. I also took time to journal and read books and articles about recovery which really helped me frame the right mindset. I think I of the biggest changes for me was working on mindfulness, I work hard to focus on the current moment, not stressing about what’s to come, or beating myself up about what’s happened in the past. I also focus on making good choices in this moment, although I still need to work at this it has helped lessen my anxiety. One other facet of my recovery has been looking at life through a lens of gratitude.
I’m looking forward to seeing you on SR, reading and posting here daily is truly a wonderful support.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Welcome and I'm glad you posted.
Like you, I have a hereditary component for alcoholism and an abusive childhood situation as well. Healing and recovering are not easy but so worth it.
Like you, I have a hereditary component for alcoholism and an abusive childhood situation as well. Healing and recovering are not easy but so worth it.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome, livelovedogs! I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery.
My wife and I have not had a drink for seven years. We both started out with ninety AA meetings in ninety days. I read and post here daily and still got to meetings two or three times a week, but she doesn't do much for continuing recovery. Everyone is different! I hope you try all the options available.
My wife and I have not had a drink for seven years. We both started out with ninety AA meetings in ninety days. I read and post here daily and still got to meetings two or three times a week, but she doesn't do much for continuing recovery. Everyone is different! I hope you try all the options available.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, livelovedogs - we're so happy you joined us & told your story. I think you'll benefit greatly from being part of this empathetic, helpful group.
I once drank the way you describe. I never imagined it would lead to total dependency, and 24/7 drinking later in life. It's good that you're taking a hard look at the impact it's having on you.
I'm sorry for the trauma that you've experienced. I hope you'll be somewhat comforted by being part of SR. Welcome!
I once drank the way you describe. I never imagined it would lead to total dependency, and 24/7 drinking later in life. It's good that you're taking a hard look at the impact it's having on you.
I'm sorry for the trauma that you've experienced. I hope you'll be somewhat comforted by being part of SR. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hey & welcome. My drinking habits r similar to urs in terms of amount & frequency but I didnt have anything awful happen to me, I just drank because I liked feeling relaxed & of course drunk!!
I'm only 2 weeks in & I've tried to stop before but started again after 6 months. It's great that you've come here & u recognise ur drinking is causing u issues.
Keep reading & posting!
I'm only 2 weeks in & I've tried to stop before but started again after 6 months. It's great that you've come here & u recognise ur drinking is causing u issues.
Keep reading & posting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome livelovedogs
I think a lot of us started drinking after trauma. The thing is we kept drinking long after the trauma was no longer an imminent threat anymore.
I was drinkign in mt 30s over things that started when I was in first grade.
The has to be a point where we stop punishing ourselves for the past, and a point where we let go of the fear and stop reliving it.
For me that healing process started when I stopped drinking.
D
I think a lot of us started drinking after trauma. The thing is we kept drinking long after the trauma was no longer an imminent threat anymore.
I was drinkign in mt 30s over things that started when I was in first grade.
The has to be a point where we stop punishing ourselves for the past, and a point where we let go of the fear and stop reliving it.
For me that healing process started when I stopped drinking.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 67
Originally Posted by Anna 
Welcome and I'm glad you posted.
Like you, I have a hereditary component for alcoholism and an abusive childhood situation as well. Healing and recovering are not easy but so worth it.
Like you, I have a hereditary component for alcoholism and an abusive childhood situation as well. Healing and recovering are not easy but so worth it.
Life is better without alcohol. Not easy, and honestly not even always particularly good, but definitely better.
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