Not going to but want to drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Not going to but want to drink.
Same old story from me. Lonely AF. Tonight is the first in a while I considered buying a bottle. But I can’t stand the shame of reconnecting with my ex and can’t risk the chance of jail (I seem to end up incarcerated frequently lately when I even touch the stuff). Ugh.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,745
Make a gratitude list. 
Write down everything you're grateful for - the air you breathe, the food you eat, your dog or cat or other pet, family, friends, it can be anything. I give thanks for the driver who stops his car to let me and my dog cross the street. I wave and smile and say 'thanks' and it makes me feel better.
I can't recommend gratitude enough. It really saved my life and changed my attitude to positive.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Write down everything you're grateful for - the air you breathe, the food you eat, your dog or cat or other pet, family, friends, it can be anything. I give thanks for the driver who stops his car to let me and my dog cross the street. I wave and smile and say 'thanks' and it makes me feel better.I can't recommend gratitude enough. It really saved my life and changed my attitude to positive.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,312
Some days you just have to push through, BABM. Easier days are ahead
Loneliness isn't something that can be fixed in a night or by a bottle...it's one of those things that, for me, got addressed by time and recovery and becoming comfortable in my own company and at peace with my past......
Reaching out for help is an excellent way to deal with loneliness on a night to night basis until you get further into your recovery
Have you heard of the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) those are the common pressure points for cravings. It's good to be aware of those. Some times dealing with one - eating for example - or napping - will take care of some of those other triggers too.
there are some other ideas for cravings here too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
Loneliness isn't something that can be fixed in a night or by a bottle...it's one of those things that, for me, got addressed by time and recovery and becoming comfortable in my own company and at peace with my past......
Reaching out for help is an excellent way to deal with loneliness on a night to night basis until you get further into your recovery
Have you heard of the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) those are the common pressure points for cravings. It's good to be aware of those. Some times dealing with one - eating for example - or napping - will take care of some of those other triggers too.
there are some other ideas for cravings here too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,113
Hi Betterman,
Do you have Netflix , etc??
Maybe Binge Watch??
Or walk around your block a few times (if safe).
Put headphones on and sing along.
Same with You Tube .... old commercials that remind you of better times.
Crying. Works too.
You aren't alone. Period. Been there my friend.
Bobbi
Do you have Netflix , etc??
Maybe Binge Watch??
Or walk around your block a few times (if safe).
Put headphones on and sing along.
Same with You Tube .... old commercials that remind you of better times.
Crying. Works too.
You aren't alone. Period. Been there my friend.
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 223
I presume it's Saturday night. That's when the loneliness kicks in for me. Like the others I suggest Netflix or some movie you can find on tv.it will distract you. Maybe even order a pizza t9 make it a fuñ ñight. Ring a friend. Anything to fill I time, these are only the thiñgs I do. Best of luck
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan 
Thanks everyone. I’m doing a little of everything. I feel so unwanted by the world.
Do you need to be validated? do you need to be accepted? do you need to be approved? do you need to be liked? (hmm loved?) do you need to be told that all will be alright?
Are you receiving these things from..........yourself??
Bah to hell with the world! The Kingdom lies within
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
Thanks everyone. I’m doing a little of everything. I feel so unwanted by the world.
I also noticed you have urges to go back to your x....And I was watching a Dr. on a video last night explaining why my brain loops and loops back to my x when in reality the relationship in the end was not good at all.
The Dr. said that we have "trauma brain" that the reason we think about this person over and over (which is important for me to know because the pain of the loss ALWAYS eventually leads me back to drinking). So he said the reason we do this..is because at one point this person offered, love, connection, touch, understanding, compassion, companionship...and when they left...or we left them...our brain loops back to a period of time when we were "alone" and he said these feelings mostly relate back to a time in our childhood where we were not loved, connected, validated...and our brain "remembers" the empty feelings.
So it is not this person you want to reconnect with...it is the human needs that you are missing and maybe have been missing your entire life.
His advice was to recognize this person was just a symbol of what you wanted in your life and if they are an X you probably in the end weren't getting those things from them either....but hold on thinking those things will come back.
He advised to look back at your life and recognize where these feelings really originated from...and once we understand something on that deeper level we are able to better heal and see that X as just a symbol of the last time you had some good human connection...but that person is no longer the "answer".
In order for us to get past the X...and out of this "low vibration" mindset....we have to move to a higher vibration mindset of learning to like ourselves..the good things about us....and when we get to a higher vibration...better relationships and feelings just happen...Sorry for the rant but this video I watched really helped ME to realize...
Yes, I DONT miss my X....I don't even really LIKE my x anymore...but I miss those "good feelings"
Alcohol puts a bandaid on those hurts...but it also keeps us in the low vibration when thinking of ourselves...You are enough...and I am enough...to learn to love ourselves and to realize that it is not them..but someone from our childhood that hurt us....is hopefully going to be an eye opener for me and a path to recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Good morning everyone. Thanks for the words. Lots of good stuff there and I always read everything written. There’s lots to say about Misssy’s post which was a great one but I’m on the go this morning.
I didn’t drink last night which was the big thing. Looks like Saturday nights are going to be my trigger. I was hoping to hear back from a friend that’s a female and that has just deteriorated so I was feeling lower than usual.
BUT, today is a new day. I’m not hungover, I have things I scheduled to do today so I’ll be busy. A lot of it is physical exercise so that will help.
Talk to you all soo and thanks again for the support.
I didn’t drink last night which was the big thing. Looks like Saturday nights are going to be my trigger. I was hoping to hear back from a friend that’s a female and that has just deteriorated so I was feeling lower than usual.
BUT, today is a new day. I’m not hungover, I have things I scheduled to do today so I’ll be busy. A lot of it is physical exercise so that will help.
Talk to you all soo and thanks again for the support.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 96
Hungry Ghosts
An observation: based on musings about wanting a woman and the universe giving what one deserves
When one is thirsty (needy) the universe has a tendency to give one what one wants, but not in the way one expects.
Thirsty for a female companion, you may just get a female companion who is let's say, not very compatible. Perhaps even toxic to your mental, emotional and financial health. But your thirst got quenched as requested.....
If the constant arrests are a "newish event", could it be possible that there may be a thirsty need at the bottom of it all? And you are getting your wish?
Hint: the very lonely can be thirsty for attention. You are getting it from the cops.
When one is thirsty (needy) the universe has a tendency to give one what one wants, but not in the way one expects.
Thirsty for a female companion, you may just get a female companion who is let's say, not very compatible. Perhaps even toxic to your mental, emotional and financial health. But your thirst got quenched as requested.....
If the constant arrests are a "newish event", could it be possible that there may be a thirsty need at the bottom of it all? And you are getting your wish?
Hint: the very lonely can be thirsty for attention. You are getting it from the cops.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Originally Posted by BeABetterMan
Thanks everyone. I’m doing a little of everything. I feel so unwanted by the world.
You are definitely not unwanted. You have so much value and are an important part of this world. 40-something days ago, I was in a really dark place and you responded to me in the wee hours of the morning. I was so grateful for your understanding and for just being there.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,745
Things will get better, the longer you stay sober. 
I was really depressed after I stopped drinking but after a few weeks, the cloud lifted and my mood improved. I'm on sertraline and it had a chance to work since I wasn't drinking a depressant anymore.
I was really depressed after I stopped drinking but after a few weeks, the cloud lifted and my mood improved. I'm on sertraline and it had a chance to work since I wasn't drinking a depressant anymore. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Epictetus
An observation: based on musings about wanting a woman and the universe giving what one deserves
When one is thirsty (needy) the universe has a tendency to give one what one wants, but not in the way one expects.
Thirsty for a female companion, you may just get a female companion who is let's say, not very compatible. Perhaps even toxic to your mental, emotional and financial health. But your thirst got quenched as requested.....
If the constant arrests are a "newish event", could it be possible that there may be a thirsty need at the bottom of it all? And you are getting your wish?
Hint: the very lonely can be thirsty for attention. You are getting it from the cops.
When one is thirsty (needy) the universe has a tendency to give one what one wants, but not in the way one expects.
Thirsty for a female companion, you may just get a female companion who is let's say, not very compatible. Perhaps even toxic to your mental, emotional and financial health. But your thirst got quenched as requested.....
If the constant arrests are a "newish event", could it be possible that there may be a thirsty need at the bottom of it all? And you are getting your wish?
Hint: the very lonely can be thirsty for attention. You are getting it from the cops.
But no, NOT thirsty for the cops. TRUST ME.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
