Taking a break?
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Taking a break?
Alcohol has played a powerful role in my life for about a decade, since I was 21. It was a way to unwind, have fun with friends, cope with anxiety and cope with trauma (my parents are full-blown alcoholics which caused me to have a chaotic upbringing). Cannabis entered my life more recently, within the last couple of years- also to cope with anxiety and to feel more creative.
Most of the time I am able to moderate my drinking so I don't have (much of) a hangover in the morning. I even go 1-2 days without alcohol pretty regularly. Recently I've noticed that my tolerance has increased- I can drink a bottle of wine and still function just fine the following day, but that's all I'm doing- functioning. Alcohol has been this tether, keeping me from addressing the source of my anxieties but also preventing me from flourishing.
I was at a research showcase last week and one of the presenters spoke about research into resistance exercise as adjunct therapy for recovery from alcohol use disorders. I know I drink well outside of the 'safe' guidelines and it just hit me that I need to give it a rest for a bit. So that's what I planned on, maybe taking a month off. But the more I read about addiction from people who have been through recovery, the more I realise I really should just stop. I can't see it now, but I know deep down that a sober lifestyle will be worth it in the end.
I hope I can get through the cravings, it was a struggle late this afternoon (bloody beautiful day, perfect for cracking open a nice beer or bubbles) but I made myself busy and by evening was content and glad I didn't give in. It would have been easy, we've got heaps of wine and liquor in the house, which I suppose I should get rid of. I don't think giving up cannabis is going to be as big of an issue, I haven't used any in a few weeks and don't feel any urge despite it being in a box right next to where I'm currently sitting.
My partner also abuses alcohol, similar quantities as me, and periodically has a sober month. He's in it with me this month after a particularly excessive night out with the boys (this was after my own revelation). We haven't talked about how far we'll take this, because we can be both one another's strongest support systems but also enablers if we're both feeling like falling off the bandwagon- dangerous mix. We just don't appear to be the type of people that can just have one or limit our drinking to special occasions.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Today is one week since my last drinks.
Most of the time I am able to moderate my drinking so I don't have (much of) a hangover in the morning. I even go 1-2 days without alcohol pretty regularly. Recently I've noticed that my tolerance has increased- I can drink a bottle of wine and still function just fine the following day, but that's all I'm doing- functioning. Alcohol has been this tether, keeping me from addressing the source of my anxieties but also preventing me from flourishing.
I was at a research showcase last week and one of the presenters spoke about research into resistance exercise as adjunct therapy for recovery from alcohol use disorders. I know I drink well outside of the 'safe' guidelines and it just hit me that I need to give it a rest for a bit. So that's what I planned on, maybe taking a month off. But the more I read about addiction from people who have been through recovery, the more I realise I really should just stop. I can't see it now, but I know deep down that a sober lifestyle will be worth it in the end.
I hope I can get through the cravings, it was a struggle late this afternoon (bloody beautiful day, perfect for cracking open a nice beer or bubbles) but I made myself busy and by evening was content and glad I didn't give in. It would have been easy, we've got heaps of wine and liquor in the house, which I suppose I should get rid of. I don't think giving up cannabis is going to be as big of an issue, I haven't used any in a few weeks and don't feel any urge despite it being in a box right next to where I'm currently sitting.
My partner also abuses alcohol, similar quantities as me, and periodically has a sober month. He's in it with me this month after a particularly excessive night out with the boys (this was after my own revelation). We haven't talked about how far we'll take this, because we can be both one another's strongest support systems but also enablers if we're both feeling like falling off the bandwagon- dangerous mix. We just don't appear to be the type of people that can just have one or limit our drinking to special occasions.
I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Today is one week since my last drinks.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Morning - I think you know you have a major problem. In my experience and observation over my sober time of 3+ yr (short compared to the life of recovery I work on daily, I hope!) the "stuff" you're talking about.....doesn't work. Not for the alcoholic, not permanently.
Lots to read around here about people's experiences - hope you decide to quit, and take steps for that goal rather than the moderation, "break," or other words and choices.
Lots to read around here about people's experiences - hope you decide to quit, and take steps for that goal rather than the moderation, "break," or other words and choices.
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Join Date: Jun 2019
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Hello and welcome. So you want to give sobriety a go? Awesome! You made a choice of a lifetime. I too was a booze hound for many years. And let me tell you .how I made it this far in life only the man upstairs knows. But I got tired of getting body slammed by booze. So I tapped out. Gave up. Surrendered. Smartest and best choice I ever made. At least in my experience. But what you have is cool cause if mate is down for it(sobriety) the better. Stick around here. Lots of good stories advice etc. Today is my 156 day of no booze. Yes crazy right. But I am really digging it. And you will too. So again welcome and best wishes on your journey ✌
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Thanks August. I definitely see my problem as major, drugs and alcohol are not effective coping mechanisms. I know they just make my problems worse, and put me at risk of all sorts of health issues. I also booked an appointment with a counselor through my job's EAP, to discuss my abuse of alcohol but also sort out some actual strategies for coping with anxiety.
I don't know what to do about goal setting though. Not sure if this is going to make sense, but the idea of never having a drink again seems unattainable and makes me feel like I shouldn't bother trying. But a month, on the other hand... I can do a month. I don't plan on finishing the month and being done with sobriety and pick up alcohol again, but just to get there and see how it has impacted my life in a positive way, and go from there? Did you break your goals into smaller, more achievable bits?
I don't know what to do about goal setting though. Not sure if this is going to make sense, but the idea of never having a drink again seems unattainable and makes me feel like I shouldn't bother trying. But a month, on the other hand... I can do a month. I don't plan on finishing the month and being done with sobriety and pick up alcohol again, but just to get there and see how it has impacted my life in a positive way, and go from there? Did you break your goals into smaller, more achievable bits?
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Lots of people struggle with "never again." I was at the point of life or death - I was 39 and finally HEARD the liver dr tell me I had a yr, 18 mo if I kept drinking. I realized I didn't want to die.
That said, knowing I was DONE drinking - I still had to take it one day at a time. It's scary and weird and involves the ongoing choice every day, and during each day! I was terrified of what life would be like but I knew it had to be better than mine was drinking.
My husband is an example of someone who began his sober life with the framework of a year. He was not a life or death case, and sometimes I tell him he is braver than I was - he is likely one who could have continued drinking alcoholically til he passed at a reasonable old age. Yet his life was unmanageable too. As the year went on and he saw what amazing changes began happening (we were not yet married but both sober when we reunited years after high school), it became clear that this was his permanent choice.
There is just abundant hope in choosing recovery. It is hard and complicated and foreign to live without substance, but the choice not to use itself is black and white. Simple, not easy, if you will.
AA as my foundation, books on recovery, spiritual exploration, support from others....how my journey began.
That said, knowing I was DONE drinking - I still had to take it one day at a time. It's scary and weird and involves the ongoing choice every day, and during each day! I was terrified of what life would be like but I knew it had to be better than mine was drinking.
My husband is an example of someone who began his sober life with the framework of a year. He was not a life or death case, and sometimes I tell him he is braver than I was - he is likely one who could have continued drinking alcoholically til he passed at a reasonable old age. Yet his life was unmanageable too. As the year went on and he saw what amazing changes began happening (we were not yet married but both sober when we reunited years after high school), it became clear that this was his permanent choice.
There is just abundant hope in choosing recovery. It is hard and complicated and foreign to live without substance, but the choice not to use itself is black and white. Simple, not easy, if you will.
AA as my foundation, books on recovery, spiritual exploration, support from others....how my journey began.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 67
Thanks SoberRican, love the username!
Anybody have any tips on dealing with urges to drink? Just chatting with my partner and we realised we both feel the urge to have a drink in the late afternoon/early evening, as that is when we would normally start (after getting home from work or after a long day of gardening/other projects). He's had more experience with the 'quitting' than me, and once he's through those 1-2 hours and into the evening, he doesn't have the urge anymore. Today was the first day that I really felt the urge to have a drink since I stopped, and it was the same. Once I ate dinner and was on the couch with a cup of tea, I thought about whether I still felt like I wanted a drink and realised I was perfectly happy winding down the night with a book and a cuppa. Still feel that way (I'm in Aus it's 10:30pm here)- I have a wine rack full of bottles and zero interest in opening one, but I have a strong feeling that tomorrow afternoon is going to roll around and I will feel very differently..
Anybody have any tips on dealing with urges to drink? Just chatting with my partner and we realised we both feel the urge to have a drink in the late afternoon/early evening, as that is when we would normally start (after getting home from work or after a long day of gardening/other projects). He's had more experience with the 'quitting' than me, and once he's through those 1-2 hours and into the evening, he doesn't have the urge anymore. Today was the first day that I really felt the urge to have a drink since I stopped, and it was the same. Once I ate dinner and was on the couch with a cup of tea, I thought about whether I still felt like I wanted a drink and realised I was perfectly happy winding down the night with a book and a cuppa. Still feel that way (I'm in Aus it's 10:30pm here)- I have a wine rack full of bottles and zero interest in opening one, but I have a strong feeling that tomorrow afternoon is going to roll around and I will feel very differently..
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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Specific actions? Get rid of the wine. Plan and execute things to occupy your time. Eat ice cream or whatever on top of starting to eat healthy. Take a walk or something when you can. Do laundry, clean the bathroom, scrub the fridge shelves.
And so on. My attention span was nil when I quit so I flipped thru shows, or read a page of a book at a time. I got an adult coloring book with curse words. I went to bed at 6p to get to the next day more quickly.
And a good 2 hours of a day with transportation time was spent for an AA meeting.
Changing habits is essential. I did stuff like take different routes to and from places so I wouldn't pass old haunts or fave liquor stores. Again, "and so on."
It takes time for the new habits to stick. We just have to keep doing them. And....this is a biggie....your decision is yours, not joint with your partner. That's a huge topic and a critical one to explore and seek to embrace.
And so on. My attention span was nil when I quit so I flipped thru shows, or read a page of a book at a time. I got an adult coloring book with curse words. I went to bed at 6p to get to the next day more quickly.
And a good 2 hours of a day with transportation time was spent for an AA meeting.
Changing habits is essential. I did stuff like take different routes to and from places so I wouldn't pass old haunts or fave liquor stores. Again, "and so on."
It takes time for the new habits to stick. We just have to keep doing them. And....this is a biggie....your decision is yours, not joint with your partner. That's a huge topic and a critical one to explore and seek to embrace.
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Join Date: Oct 2019
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Hi August, that's great that you have such a supportive partner.
I feel grateful that my husband is also keen on addressing his problem- he actually said to me that he thinks he should just stop totally because he can't control himself when he goes out with mates, this was before I started doing my research into addiction recovery and began to realise that 'taking a break' probably wasn't going to work.
I just hope we can support one another through this. Seems like it would be far easier if one party didn't have a drinking problem!
I feel grateful that my husband is also keen on addressing his problem- he actually said to me that he thinks he should just stop totally because he can't control himself when he goes out with mates, this was before I started doing my research into addiction recovery and began to realise that 'taking a break' probably wasn't going to work.
I just hope we can support one another through this. Seems like it would be far easier if one party didn't have a drinking problem!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Originally Posted by Shealy 
. Not sure if this is going to make sense, but the idea of never having a drink again seems unattainable and makes me feel like I shouldn't bother trying.
i have never said, and never will say, im never drinking again. i plan i dieing sober but cant plan the outcome. i stay sober today-its all i have. its been working for 14+ years now.
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Originally Posted by Shealy
Thanks SoberRican, love the username!
Anybody have any tips on dealing with urges to drink? Just chatting with my partner and we realised we both feel the urge to have a drink in the late afternoon/early evening, as that is when we would normally start (after getting home from work or after a long day of gardening/other projects). He's had more experience with the 'quitting' than me, and once he's through those 1-2 hours and into the evening, he doesn't have the urge anymore. Today was the first day that I really felt the urge to have a drink since I stopped, and it was the same. Once I ate dinner and was on the couch with a cup of tea, I thought about whether I still felt like I wanted a drink and realised I was perfectly happy winding down the night with a book and a cuppa. Still feel that way (I'm in Aus it's 10:30pm here)- I have a wine rack full of bottles and zero interest in opening one, but I have a strong feeling that tomorrow afternoon is going to roll around and I will feel very differently..
Anybody have any tips on dealing with urges to drink? Just chatting with my partner and we realised we both feel the urge to have a drink in the late afternoon/early evening, as that is when we would normally start (after getting home from work or after a long day of gardening/other projects). He's had more experience with the 'quitting' than me, and once he's through those 1-2 hours and into the evening, he doesn't have the urge anymore. Today was the first day that I really felt the urge to have a drink since I stopped, and it was the same. Once I ate dinner and was on the couch with a cup of tea, I thought about whether I still felt like I wanted a drink and realised I was perfectly happy winding down the night with a book and a cuppa. Still feel that way (I'm in Aus it's 10:30pm here)- I have a wine rack full of bottles and zero interest in opening one, but I have a strong feeling that tomorrow afternoon is going to roll around and I will feel very differently..
i heard early on that if ya dont remember your last drunk ya havent had it yet. i was a blackout drunk. dont remember my last drunk.
i did,however, remember a LOT of the gloom,dispair,and agony that alcohol caused over many years. i also remembered how i felt the day after my last drunk and quite a few afterwards.
dont drink even if your ass is falling off.
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Originally Posted by August252015
Specific actions? Get rid of the wine. Plan and execute things to occupy your time. Eat ice cream or whatever on top of starting to eat healthy. Take a walk or something when you can. Do laundry, clean the bathroom, scrub the fridge shelves.
But yeah I will gift the alcohol to friends or family. It makes sense that it will be easier not to give into temptation if I have to haul my ass down to a pub or bottle shop.
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I do the small goal thing. I will not drink until...and when that happens I will not drink until... etc. so far it has worked. The goals are also sort of rewards like holidays, reunions whatever. Sometimes the goal is a medical appointment. There always seem to be some goal, even if small, available.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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If you do decide to quit, become again the natural teetotaler you were born, you are already more than half way there.
Identifying, separating and then ignoring the 'urge' or want for future booze and simply not acting on it is all there is to it.
The urge or want for booze is not what counts or ultimately matters, it is the pouring, tilting and swallowing that matters.
Even if the urge never went away , ( it does) still won't matter , policing the area directly below your nose is totally doable.
If any of that resonates , check out the ideas in AVRT, great threads here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum, rootin for ya
Identifying, separating and then ignoring the 'urge' or want for future booze and simply not acting on it is all there is to it.
The urge or want for booze is not what counts or ultimately matters, it is the pouring, tilting and swallowing that matters.
Even if the urge never went away , ( it does) still won't matter , policing the area directly below your nose is totally doable.
If any of that resonates , check out the ideas in AVRT, great threads here on SR in the Secular Recovery forum, rootin for ya
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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It's so good to have you here, Shealy. I was doubtful when I first joined - honestly didn't really expect to quit all together. The encouragement & support I found here made me want to get free. What had once been fun & relaxing had become a necessity. I was so thankful to finally be rid of it.
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Join Date: May 2012
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“Not sure if this is going to make sense, but the idea of never having a drink again seems unattainable and makes me feel like I shouldn't bother trying.”
welcome, Shealy, good to see you here, exploring.
i find myself wondering about that above sentence....clearly, forever sobriety is attainable, and many have it. highly unlikely that you are somehow so different that it would be unattainable for you.
i wonder if it is unfathomable because a part of it feels undesirable?
welcome, Shealy, good to see you here, exploring.
i find myself wondering about that above sentence....clearly, forever sobriety is attainable, and many have it. highly unlikely that you are somehow so different that it would be unattainable for you.
i wonder if it is unfathomable because a part of it feels undesirable?
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Join Date: May 2017
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Originally Posted by Shealy
Not sure if this is going to make sense, but the idea of never having a drink again seems unattainable and makes me feel like I shouldn't bother trying. But a month, on the other hand... I can do a month.
This way of thinking is not you, its your AV trying to trick you.
"But a month, on the other hand... I can do a month"
Now this is you, what you really want. Just tell the AV to calm down and you'll give it its drink in a month by then it will be ALOT weaker and easier to deal with after being starved of what keeps it alive
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Originally Posted by fini
i wonder if it is unfathomable because a part of it feels undesirable?
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And thanks to the other responses that came in overnight. It has given me a lot to think about. I am going to take this a bit at a time, October for now. Rest assured that I won't be kidding myself and thinking that I can suddenly start moderating my drinking. I know that if I start drinking again I might be able to control my intake for a while, maybe a couple of months, but will inevitably find myself increasing quantity and frequency until I end up right back where I started (or worse). Like I said, I've seen it happen before. But yeah, I've got another three-ish weeks to embrace sobriety and explore how it makes me feel, keep a journal of advantages, etc, which I hope will be a strong foundation upon which to plan November when it comes.
For those looking to start, I can say that after a week I am already seeing huge benefits. I've slept really well the last couple of nights, and the anxiety which causes me to reach for a glass has decreased a lot. Things like tough work assignments and challenging family obligations seem more manageable. I'm also taking note of and appreciating the little things more, like how freaking good it feels to crawl into clean sheets with a hot cup of tea!
For those looking to start, I can say that after a week I am already seeing huge benefits. I've slept really well the last couple of nights, and the anxiety which causes me to reach for a glass has decreased a lot. Things like tough work assignments and challenging family obligations seem more manageable. I'm also taking note of and appreciating the little things more, like how freaking good it feels to crawl into clean sheets with a hot cup of tea!
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