whitejay

I am crying reading all your wonderful messages to me.

All of it is helping me so much and I appreciate all of you - your kind
words, your wisdom, and helping me realize that I can beat this.

This is going to be a tough road ahead, but I dont want to die.

Even though I have no friends to talk to, I have found my home with you.

thomas11

I will say a payer for you, but you are not a loser. You are an alcoholic. That's why we are here. Make not drinking the most important thing in your life for awhile. Can't hurt to try.

August252015

Whitejay- I get it too. I finally had to just take that leap that there must be something better than what I was living. I had no idea what but I did indeed have to stop drinking that first day, pray, and I went to AA. It all saved my life.

Glad you are here- stay with us- and we can believe you are worth it til you do.

Doris47

Sending you a warm hug, you can get through it my friend. We have all been in your position I promise you that. Keep close, keep posting and never be afraid to say exactly how you feel. We are all here for you. Xx

whitejay

All of you have touched my heart.

Thank you, all of you for such kind words and love hugs.

Today is the worst day of my life. I sincerely didnt think I would live.

Maybe this is what it took to make me want to live and honor God for always being there for me.

You are my family now and I will always be here and hopefully one day when I am well I will be able to help the next alcoholic heal.

Love and Hugs

taplow

Take care whitejay.

Sasha4

Hi

If giving up drink was easy, places like here or AA, or rehabs or SMART would not exist.
I didn't get it straight away.
I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.
The guilt, shame and secrets were overwhelming.

I remember the vicious cycle of waking up, scared to open my eyes, throwing up in the shower, struggling for the next few hours, then having a drink to end my misery.
Then the whole cycle started again.

For me I had to make changes.
No more sitting on the sofa every night, drinking myself to death.
There had to be more to life and there is.

For me I liked the assurance that as long as i did not pick up a drink, I would never have more episodes to feel ashamed of.

I took it one day at a time.
My only goal was making it to bed sober.
If someone asked if I would be drinking at their party/wedding/family dinner/ Christmas do or NYE partyI simply said I don't know. Im not thinking about that now, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I never made any big announcements about not drinking.
As time went on my confidence grew and I became stronger.

That was 8 years ago.
One day at a time.

I feel I have 2 families - my real family and my family here at SR.
Its not easy and I had to face some tough times without turning to drink.
I remember sleeping with my laptop on my bed because it felt like I was only a mouse click away from people who wanted the best for me, who cared, who never judged.

As Dee would always say - do you have a robust plan in place to help you?
Are you reaching out too AA for support?

I really do wish you the best xx

Mags1

Hi whitejay, we’re here with you, you can do this, you are worthy.

rainbowalien

2muchpain

I am very sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I don't know if this helps, but I've been a few tough times where I felt all was lost and there was no point in even trying to make things better. But it was in those times when I found an inner strength that I didn't know I had. I had to reach deep down to find it, but I did and I got through those seemingly hopeless situations. It's kinda like getting a second wind when you feel like you are done. I'm sure you have that second wind in you. Just don't give up and keep trying. You can do this. John

snitch

You are worth it and you are not alone.

I wish I could give you a big hug right now and tell you it will all be ok because it will be. I was where you are now 18 months ago. I had also been trying and failing to quit. You can do this. Stay close and keep posting.

I will Keep you in my prayers tonight

🙏❤🙏❤

saoutchik

Booze debilitates us in our day to day lives and on top of that it corrodes our self respect but you do have self worth and evidently enough courage to post about your struggles on these threads. That's a big deal. If you can get on top of this, and you can, you will feel really good about yourself. Sending positive vibes your way.

Patcha

Do you have some IRL support? Can you see your doctor and tell them exactly where you are at? Maybe look at an inpatient detox or rehab? Keep posting with us. We care!

Dee74

I missed the thread but wishing you well whitejay - see you your tomorrow

D

least

It's hard to feel any self-worth when you're drinking. Drinking robs us of our self respect. But if you stay sober, you can begin to feel better and more positive.

Stick with us and post often. I felt hopeless too, but it's been almost 10 yrs since I felt that horrible. If I can do it, so can you.

Hevyn

I missed the thread earlier too, Whitejay.
I drank 30 yrs. & was brought to my knees, just like you have been. When I found SR I really didn't know what to expect. I never imagined people would be so encouraging and kind. Everyone understood, no one judged. I gathered the strength to let go of alcohol and become my authentic self. There is no doubt you can do this. Life will be so much better when you're free.

silentrun

Did you always know that? I was well into my recovery before I figured that one out. Wish I had understood that sooner in life,

Whitejay, it lies. The addiction lies and the depression lies. What you are feeling now is the reason I had to get away from it. Anywhere but there.

PhoenixJ

You posted, so you are alive and have hope for support, which I (and all here) give you. You are not alone.

columbus

You are cared for, have worth, and are loved simply by being.

columbus

Brilliant post.