I dont think I can go on
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Jay, I’m so encouraged that you’re feeling better, and I don’t mean to be a downer but this is a ride. Be prepared for ups and downs. Early sobriety is often referred to as a Pink Cloud. Early sobriety feels so good and then the work has to really begin. So stay grounded and stay willing to do action contrary to what you did when you were drinking. You might be one of the lucky ones that sobriety comes easy for. For me, it is a full time job. A war really.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 49
Awesome job Whitejay. I went to work today and a couple of people said I looked better and they were glad I wasn't unwell anymore. I thought I was totally pulling it off hungover as hell every day. Apparently not... We've got this!
Sober date 9-30-19
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Scranton, PA.
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by whitejay 
Hello my friends 
Day 4 - what a complete difference I feel today.
No depression, no anxiety, feeling strong and focused.
Ate, showered, and on my way to chiropractor. I would of never left the house before, nor cared enough about myself to actually see a chiro.
You guys CHANGED ALL THAT ! So much appreciation.
Day 4 - what a complete difference I feel today.
No depression, no anxiety, feeling strong and focused.
Ate, showered, and on my way to chiropractor. I would of never left the house before, nor cared enough about myself to actually see a chiro.
You guys CHANGED ALL THAT ! So much appreciation.
Sober date 9-30-19
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Scranton, PA.
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by whitejay
Oh Angeleyes - now you got me crying again and I thought I was over it. See, you do the same thing...lol
please dont be sad - I know drinking gave me medical issues but I am determined to heal my mind my body.
Will you do it with me?
please dont be sad - I know drinking gave me medical issues but I am determined to heal my mind my body.
Will you do it with me?
... 
Sober date 9-30-19
Join Date: Oct 2019
Location: Scranton, PA.
Posts: 121
Whitejay... Maybe start a journal and write your progress everyday and how you feel, Whats on your mind, what you did that day, etc. Whatever you want. I write in mine everyday. It does help, looking back on your progress and how far youve come. It gives you hope and motivation to keep going! This is what I tell everyone. Maybe give it a try?
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Relapsed. Back to day 1.
I wasnt even thinking of drinking.
Father in law showed up, asked for a beer, ran to store to get him some......end of story. Got home at 4am. Laying in bed talking to God,
feel depressed, lost. I can take this anymore.
I wasnt even thinking of drinking.
Father in law showed up, asked for a beer, ran to store to get him some......end of story. Got home at 4am. Laying in bed talking to God,
feel depressed, lost. I can take this anymore.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
Whitejay,
I’m glad you posted again. Keep reaching out. Alcoholism isolates us.
I felt the way you feel now almost every day for the last few years of my drinking. Alcoholism tells us we are worthless and hopeless. But that is a lie.
The disease of alcoholism centers in the mind. So we have to change our minds, heal our minds.
I was able to do that through the steps and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But that is not the only path to sobriety.
You’re not hopeless or worthless, Whitejay, you’re just sick. An alcoholic, just like me.
I sincerely hope you stay connected here, keep posting, and learn how others have gotten sober and stayed sober.
I’m glad you posted again. Keep reaching out. Alcoholism isolates us.
I felt the way you feel now almost every day for the last few years of my drinking. Alcoholism tells us we are worthless and hopeless. But that is a lie.
The disease of alcoholism centers in the mind. So we have to change our minds, heal our minds.
I was able to do that through the steps and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But that is not the only path to sobriety.
You’re not hopeless or worthless, Whitejay, you’re just sick. An alcoholic, just like me.
I sincerely hope you stay connected here, keep posting, and learn how others have gotten sober and stayed sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
You came back, Whitejay - that's what counts. Sometimes we need further proof we can't touch it. My last relapse I wasn't even thinking of drinking either. I just accepted the offer of a drink without even hesitating. It took me a very long time to get straight again. You came back to talk about what happened, & that's great. Be kind to yourself - you can do this.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Hi my friends. I got home at 4am and right now its 5pm. I am so sick.
I have always had good health until recently
My BP is going up, I have pulsating tinnitus which can be very serious and my right knee has a torn meniscus and thumb has trigger finger.
I am old and I am acting like a teenager, running the town, meeting random people and driving around with them, coming home at all hours only to collapse into a puddle of sweat and tears.
what the heck ! I must be mentally ill.
Who knows. So please keep helping me with your support, new tools, kindness and guidance.
I need to hear all of you every day, all day.
Read read read. Love you guys. HUGS
I have always had good health until recently
My BP is going up, I have pulsating tinnitus which can be very serious and my right knee has a torn meniscus and thumb has trigger finger.
I am old and I am acting like a teenager, running the town, meeting random people and driving around with them, coming home at all hours only to collapse into a puddle of sweat and tears.
what the heck ! I must be mentally ill.
Who knows. So please keep helping me with your support, new tools, kindness and guidance.
I need to hear all of you every day, all day.
Read read read. Love you guys. HUGS
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I'm glad you're back - but make a plan whitejay - a plan that covers the unexpected like this.
The unexpected happens, although if you're known as a drinker - its not that unexpected..
I had lots of people drop in unexpectedly with beers or wanting beers when I was first sober.
I was brutally honest with them - 'no my drinking is destroying me and I can;t have drinking here in my home'.
I know that's pretty hardcore and I understand that most people feel that can't go that far - but you can work on some no thanks not for me excuses.
My point here is - you're not a failure - you just need a better plan, whitejay
More changes. more support - or better using the support you have?
You really never need to feel like this again
D
The unexpected happens, although if you're known as a drinker - its not that unexpected..
I had lots of people drop in unexpectedly with beers or wanting beers when I was first sober.
I was brutally honest with them - 'no my drinking is destroying me and I can;t have drinking here in my home'.
I know that's pretty hardcore and I understand that most people feel that can't go that far - but you can work on some no thanks not for me excuses.
My point here is - you're not a failure - you just need a better plan, whitejay
More changes. more support - or better using the support you have?
You really never need to feel like this again
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Whitejay, you can get beyond this. But, it will take changing your thinking. Your father-in-law showed up and asked for a beer. Consider making your home alcohol-free, a safe place for you. You could tell your father-in-law that you have no beer, and offer coffee, soft drink, something like that. It's okay to say 'No', and in fact, I found it to be a crucial part of my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
You came back. That's the good thing, whitejay. Most (more likely all) of us have been there, caught in that cycle of shame, guilt, despair and anguish, while physically destroying ourselves with the poison of alcohol. I thought I was absolutely hopeless and beyond redemption; how wrong I was! I never quite gave up on myself, but it took a horrible car wreck and nearly losing my life to shake me out of my addiction. I got better help for my underlying psychological problems and autism, and stuck around Sober Recovery a great deal, which I still do--this is a wonderful place for support and hope. I have nearly 4 years of sobriety now and went back to school--9 more credit hours till I get my AA in social work. When I was drinking that would have been an impossibility. I'm no spring chicken, either-I'm 59 years old. It's never too late to reclaim your life from the demon of alcohol. I'm glad you're back.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by whitejay
Relapsed. Back to day 1.
I wasnt even thinking of drinking.
Father in law showed up, asked for a beer, ran to store to get him some......end of story. Got home at 4am. Laying in bed talking to God,
feel depressed, lost. I can take this anymore.
I wasnt even thinking of drinking.
Father in law showed up, asked for a beer, ran to store to get him some......end of story. Got home at 4am. Laying in bed talking to God,
feel depressed, lost. I can take this anymore.
Can you do that? Can you promise to log on BEFORE you drink and out yourself? It's an amazing way to release some of the pressure of a craving.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I can relate to the unplanned solo 'adventures' out in the city. I often end up in strange places with strange people, unsure if my vague memories actually happened or not when I sober up. I am in my early 40's and far too old to be wandering through the city late at night drunk out of my mind. Unfortunately, alcoholism doesn't come with logic and reasoning.
I saw in the news that Ben Affleck fell off the wagon on Saturday night. Video shows him taking selfies with fans and stumbling into parked cars. Just because he is rich and famous doesn't make him a different type of alcoholic. We just don't have paparazzi documenting our public missteps.
I saw in the news that Ben Affleck fell off the wagon on Saturday night. Video shows him taking selfies with fans and stumbling into parked cars. Just because he is rich and famous doesn't make him a different type of alcoholic. We just don't have paparazzi documenting our public missteps.
Seeking wisdom
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Tatsy
You are worth a better life, alcohol free, you also deserve that life, whitejay. I tried to stop for over a decade. The trouble is, alcohol is corrosive to the mind and erodes self-worth and fills it instead, with shame, guilt, any type of negativity, which self-perpetuates the drinking, to drown out the thoughts that drinking caused. You CAN do this. It is NEVER too late.
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