MantaLady

For me John about 8 months ago I started giving myself a task that when I read something that my initial reaction was "ouch" to that I should re-read it and imagine different motives behind the comments made. One thing I learned which was a big lesson for life also was if I assumed someone was being nasty I would read their words that way, if I assumed they were understanding I would read their words that way, if I assumed they were bitter I would read their words that way and if I assumed they were just plain speaking without the intention to hurt I read their words that way. I could make any motive fit the text.

Trying to understand where people are coming from in type on a screen can be so difficult and I think we all, including me, sometimes fill in some of the gaps with our own issues and insecurities and then project them on the typer, sometimes unfairly.

In rehab I learned that feelings are not facts, just because someone says something that made me feel a certain way did not make it a fact. We all respond differently to the same sentance:

taplow

I drank yesterday, and the day before. I'm in an indeterminite period, unusual for me. Usually I'll drink day after day for weeks or months or I'll have long periods of sobriety. Until the start of September I hadn't drunk since October - with the exception of a week in May. I was nearly 8 years sober from 2004.
But now I'm wavering all over the place. I'm hoping to stay off it today but the alcohol thoughts circle like sharks - do sharks circle? I don't know about aquatic metaphors.
I can be insistent I'm stopping, but maybe that refusal is just a token response. I think the real damage is done deeper down. We think we're steering but it's an illusion. It's driving us. When I've given up for long periods it's been sort of effortless. And when I want to drink I know I can't stand in the way.
Anyway, that's where I am now; wanting to drink.
I know it's the wrong thing to do but despite my determination there will always be justifications there'll be this or that reason and then something else and something else. But whatever it is my mind will latch onto it, wear me down and I'll end up going out for a drink later on.
Basically I'm here not wanting to drink but these battle are going on inside me. Right now I'm a person who's on the verge of drinking. I'm one of the time wasting, attention seeking chronic relapsers mentioned above.
I'm not bothered about me because I'll just do what I'll do, But I can bet there would be people in my present position who would think twice about posting if they realised that they didn't belong - on an alcoholic's forum!!!!

MantaLady

I am at a loss as to why you feel I am making this more complicated?

Life is comlicated, we all have different opinions and just because you don't necessarily agree with me doesn't mean my opinion is not valid or worthy of consideration. Because you don't agree does that mean I should "get back in my hole" and just not put myself out there and share how I feel?

If you want to overlay your perception that I am saying any of this to be rude or argumentative then again one thing I have learned is that I cannot control what others think of me. But if deep down I know my motives are pure I have to stand up for what I believe to be true. xx

MantaLady

Taplow, this is what upsets me about this thread. It is not about general relapses, you are absolutely welcome, you should reach out and share, here there are so many good people that will reach out a hand to you. we get it and we have all been dancing on this relapse dancefloor or most of us have anyhow lol. Relapsing is not a reason for shame or a sign of weakness and please do not think that this thread is a refection of how members feel, or even I feel about it. xx

Anna

This thread was NOT posted to encourage a debate about the rules.

This thread WAS posted about relapses and members who are struggling. It was posted to remind people to use kindness and empathy when responding to anyone.

Obladi

Manta, take a breath. Re-read your own post #61. You are reading a crap-ton into Patterson's reply.