tealily

Hi all, I haven't been around to post in a while but I do check in and read every now and then. I will try to make more time to support others. This place helped me so much, and I continue to be grateful.

I am a former "wine drinking woman desperate to stop" -- original thread here: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rate-stop.html (Wine drinking woman, desperate to stop)

Relieved and thankful to say that I was able to stop and have stayed stopped for 2 years plus -- coming up on 2 1/2 years next month.

To encourage anyone struggling with the almost impossible to imagine idea of "NEVER drinking again" -- it really does fade away. The first year and maybe two I would be mad and wishing I could "just have a drink like a normal person" -- share in a "nice glass of wine" on a special occasion, along with the accompanying self-pity that I "couldn't". I wanted to pop in and say that although I"m sure I will occasionally feel that again, it TRULY has eased. It almost seems crazy. I really don't want to have a drink. It has lost its power. It's just a beverage -- and a poisonous one at that -- and I have other things I drink now that make me feel good, not sick and horrible about myself.

I can go to dinner, restaurants, book club, parties, weddings, reunions, football games, tailgates... I don't need or want alcohol.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it does get better.

I am a different person, and so much more optimistic about my future and aging well. I wake up feeling good, I have started a new intense fitness program that I could NEVER have done while I was drinking.

Life is so much better. YOU are worth making this change and getting alcohol out of your life. It robs you of 100 times more things than it can ever give you.

SoberCAH

Congrats on your sober time, tealily.

I couldn't agree more with your observations.

It took a pretty good while for my drinking thoughts and alcoholic obsessions to recede, but they eventually did.

Now, I can freely participate in all of the various functions you listed.

I always keep a wary and discerning eye toward alcohol when I'm in its presence, but I can still enjoy the functions.

Hodd

Sweetichick2

I remember you Tealily . Thanks for the encouraging post.

lessgravity

Beautifully put. Big congrats. And couldn't agree more.

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Hodd

sobriiestote

Accord1

"It has lost its power" I really like that for some reason. You have won the battle. Congrats.

Lucinda2

Thank you for sharing this. I really needed to hear it.

I read your link to your original post and I was a wine drinker in the same way as you. Even down to drinking mocktails while out with mates then cracking open a bottle of wine when I got home. I was fab at pretending to the outside world that everything was ok. I even did it when I arrived on this forum. I made out in my opening post that things were mainly ok and I was still holding it together but that was complete b/s. I was up to all the same tricks as you and feeling the same anxiety/self-hatred/desperation around it.

Your post was perfectly timed for me. I am around 70 days and my AV has been telling me that I didn't really have a problem and never drinking again really doesn't sound much fun. My husband is going away for a week this coming Thursday and I will be home alone for the first time since I quit. Home alone was one of my favourite ways to drink and my AV has been going nuts. It has been telling me that I can crack open a bottle of wine Saturday night, dispose of it in a bin in the park and no-one will ever know about my little lapse.

Right there in that thinking, I know that drinking is not for me. I mean that is crazy right? It is not even thinking that I can have a nice glass of wine or two. I am thinking bottle and then the disposing of it in a dog poo bin!

I know you are right that this wont last forever if we just ride it out. When I quit smoking it was somewhere around 9 months to a year that it just became my new normal and the cravings fell away. By 2yrs I couldn't stand the smell of cigarette smoke. Horrible.

Both your original post and this post are more valuable to me than you will realise TeaLily. Reading it I felt like the universe was looking after me sending you in to share this today. Thanks again.

Congratulations on your 2 and half years!

CRRHCC

No matter what your current level of happiness is—whether you’re depressed or living in constant bliss—you will prefer heavy substance use if you see it as your best path to happiness, and you will not prefer it if you don’t see it as your best path to happiness.

Slate, Steven. The Freedom Model for Addictions: Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap . BRI Publishing. Kindle Edition.

tealily

Lucinda2

That reinforces my theory that the universe is looking after me! Thanks for rooting for me.

Lucinda2

Good quote for the toolbox - thank you. Sounds like a useful book.

CRRHCC

It is a good book. I realize that I chose to get drunk. Moderation was not an option or so I thought. Abstinence was out of the question. At the time I never thought of it as a decision but it was. I always drank to get drunk. I thought it was the best solution to regain control of how I felt, which is another way of saying, I drank because I felt it was best available option to be happy at that moment.

The authors present addiction as a choice, not a disease over which we have no control. We all have free will and can choose our, "Best available option for happiness.” This premise might seem trite at first thought, but it is ripe with profound meaning and backed with cutting edge research. One engages in specific behaviors because they believe it will give them temporary happiness. They stop abusing when they decide abusing is not the best option for their happiness. They stop abusing when they (REASON) abusing is not the best option for their happiness. This is precisely why the evidence shows that most people mature out of their addiction . The authors use reason, science and evidence for their premise. The book clarifies the need to address your problems where they actually exist: In the realm of personal choice!

BackandScared

Tealily, Congratulations and thank you for sharing. So many women seem to be doing the same crazy thing. Hiding from everybody so effectively.

ChloeRose63

Yep, it really does!

DriGuy

Something that was so overpowering becomes nothing more than a fleeting thought, until that goes away too. I can see why some call it a miracle.

StrengthNme

Seeing this post gives me SO much hope! My poison was wine too and everyday is still a struggle to not drink, but today is actually Day 60 for me!!! I was just wondering what your go-to drink is now?

tealily

I am so glad! Congrats on Day 60. That is HUGE! Keep it up. It will only get better from here.

I have a couple of main go-to's, but the main one is fizzy water/seltzer with a bit of juice and/or herbs. Like vanilla seltzer with tart cherry or orange juice and a bit of mint or basil, or a few muddled berries. I like the tangy, tart kick of the seltzer and citrus. Very cold. So much better than wine! When I was first quitting I ate a bit of straight Hershey's chocolate too, to help with the sugar cravings from the then-eliminated alcohol.

At night I also like the ritual of a cup of hot Earl Gray tea with cream. It has replaced the ritual of holding a glass of wine. I used to imagine I was missing out on holding a lovely long stemmed sparkling glass filled with wine--but at the end it was more like a juice glass or red Solo cup with wine to hide it from others, and lying on the floor of my closet sleeping it off.

Not one bit glamorous! I found it really helped me to be honest about how unglamorous it truly is. I see that now in drinkers whose teeth are stained red from wine, stumbling and slurring their words... I try not to feel too superior, but it's more just RELIEF that I'm not doing that anymore! The sparkling, pretty glass now holds something good for me.

I'm also working out daily, and drinking protein shakes I make with fresh fruit and vanilla or cinnamon. As I drink it, I feel the strength pouring into me, building my body up, instead of tearing it down and destroying my liver.

Longer answer than you asked for! LOL Hope it helps!!

Hang in there. You are doing GREAT!

Austerities

Well done and thank you for this inspiring thread!