Hi
 

Hi, me and husband broke up 4 months ago, he used a silly excuse to leave, found out hes on crack, feel abandoned, angry and like I don't matter. He is a different person, hes so nasty and does not want our marriage (we were good together, hardly argued). We had only Recently married. I'm lost without him and knowing he is changing is killing me. Any advice please x

Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation.

There is very little you can do for your husband unless he decides to stop using drugs. You might check out AlAnon in your city as a support for you.

Welcome, Kelly. Like the the previous poster said... nothing you can do until he makes the decision to change.

Us alcoholics and addicts are the most stubborn people on the planet when we're in active addiction. Still can be stubborn as hell when sober, too.

Sorry you are going through this.

Be careful, Kelly. Get some help. The people involved with addicts can be every bit as stubborn as the addict, "stubborn as hell," even more so sometimes, even to the point of completely ruining their own lives hanging on. I've seen it happen over and over.

Self-will run riot doesn't apply only to the addict.

Sorry you're going through this but follow the suggestions here and take care of yourself at this point. I've seen that happen plenty of times, also.

Thankyou, it's so hard, I feel like I know 2 different people when it comes to him. I feel like I'm hanging on to the man I married in hope he will suddenly wake up, but it is definitely ruining me aswel. I'm lost as to hold on or let go.

Hi Kelly
I am so sorry to hear your situation. As others have said, there is nothing you can do to make your husband stop. Only he can do that.

What you can do is look after yourself. Try and see friends, family and make a life for yourself, even if you don't feel like it, fake it till you make it. I know it's hard.

Take care. :)

Thankyou all very much x

There's a saying in the friends and family forums: Let go or be dragged. :(

I'd suggest letting him go for now. Let him decide what he's going to do for himself... or not. :(

I'm sorry for your situation but since there's nothing you can do to 'make' him stop using, you need to get some support for yourself. :hug:

I think it's best to let go, even if you have to pry yourself off. The advantages are:

You gain little by clinging.
You don't humiliate yourself.
You don't waste time on him.

You end up feeling better about yourself, and if you can actually wish him well with true sincerity, you will feel even better about yourself.

There's a slightly better chance that he may come back if you let him go. Not a good chance, but slightly better.

Letting him go is a low risk position. You're going to lose him anyway. Don't add playing the fool to your troubles.

Is this the best way to handle it? Darned if I know, but it's how I do it, and it seems to work OK.

I'm really sorry for what brings you here Kelly but this is a great community full of understanding help and support.

We also have Family and Friends forums here you should check out as well :)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Welcome!
D