New , but not new, - still same old habbits
 

Hello. i used to read and post a few times last year but i have lost my username and email i made for that account etc.

i wont go long into detail but i need help..

i am in battle with myself because my sober me wants nothing to do with alcohol but my alcoholic self does not let it go.

the biggest problem is that i created a hobbie out drinking in the evenings because comes 6pm the boredom sets in and i go straight for the bottleshop.

you may say "go and venture out and find activities!"
well, the problem with that is i have made drinking so routine that NOTHING interests me anymore. Not hikking, birdwatching, people meeting, sports meetups etc etc NOTHING,,,,the buzz is gone plus my social anxiety mixed with my alcoholic dumbed brain really stands out and people start to avoid me.

i had a stint of going out to stripclubs watching the girls, drinking EVERYTHING even drinks on the table then proceed to go to a brothel..i stopped doing this because i nearly got mugged at 4am and this is in general not good behavior.

i dont know what it is, i am like a broken person since childhood. i get so drunk that i just stare into the ground and if someone asked me to get into a car with them i probably would go...where is my self direction? why am i so lost and in despair!

so yeah just sit at home. i work and i come home to drink and i dont talk to anyone...

i just need some sober time! My only sober time has been 3 weeks last year out of 12 years, that is a hopeless attempt..

i have looked into Thai rehabs but they seem upto $10,000 and iam worried it may be the typical " looks good on the web, but different in life" trick,

Hi and welcome (back) railtek :)

yeh rhw moe years I drank the more my imaginations dhrivelled and the more I relied on drink for 'fun'.

you may have to force yourself to find other things to do and you might have to put up with some low level discomfort for a little while, but the effort is worth it.

Stopping drinking is not for the faint hearted, especially in the initial phases, but that passes and you will find fun, interest and joy again - I promise.

The sooner you quit the soon the journey back to life begins :)

D

I hope you'll find it within yourself to stop drinking before more damage is done. Use the support here to get sober for good. :)

my attempts to stop drinking revolve around work . if i have a high workload i can be sober for 4 - 5 days.

once the project is complete i spiral into a week long binge until the next project starts and i need to think.

before i used to drink every day even with work and that got messy, now i put work first so there is (progress) there i guess...??

It would be foolish to say i learned how to moderate BECAUSE my hangovers, binges and despair are getting worse and worse the more i "moderate"

i have a project starting monday and its a important one, i have already engraved not to drink over the weekend due to this project otherwise monday i will be a mumbling mess and my co workers will suspect something (if not already)

I am going to go a addiction specialist to address my anxiety, no direction, feeling of despair and the alcohol associated with all of this.

i am not hungover but i am dumbbed down from last nights binge and the close at 6pm.

due to my hectic schedule i worry i wont make it in the week and my mind will be closed due to work.

is it a good idea to attend a meeting with a psychologist off the whim and hungover or go in with some sober days?

Thailand? As in Siam? Yul Brynner, The King and I ?

Geez, wouldn't Alcoholics Anonymous be a lot cheaper and closer?

You sound like an alcoholic train wreck...I think you ought to find a meeting tomorrow. No matter what shape you're in.

Besides, AA is where we keep all the addiction specialists.

Thanks. i have been to AA before but i loath standing in front of a wall and reciting of how of a failure i am. i Spent my teens in a hostile private school reciting things that i hated so not ready for that just yet.

arrogant? yes

do i care - no

i respect AA and the stories i heard there but i have my views (and out of all the millions of addicts out there i know some agree with me)

i want to try other options, ive never talked to a therapist one on one about my issues. alcohol is the symptom of whats really going on and i dont want to share to a group (at this stage anyway) about my deep down issues.

but the AA meeting asap is a good idea....the reply above was a kneejerk reaction.

I understand. But who said anything about talking? Not me!

I say just go and hang out with some guys who know how to stay away from a drink.

Monday start looking for a therapist or psychologist...you got health insurance through your work?

p.s. by the way, if you have anything to do with trains (Railtek) I'll be all over you...my passionate hobby is model railroading.

Have explored other meeting based groups like SMART or LifeRing Railtek?

D

Dee says you may experience some low level discomfort when you stop drinking. I think that differs from person to person. I experienced a deep and profound discomfort which still has not disappeared completely now 7 months sober. I was prepared for that. Alcohol was also the centre piece of my life. Work and care for my mother with dementia and drink. That was it. Stopping was hard, it still is. But since I expected hard it was ok. Seeing a therapist may be the best for you now. That and just jumping in and doing the hard yards.

Hi Callas :)

Sorry - I wasn't trying to be dismissive, or universalise my experience.

Getting sober was hard - one of the hardest things I've had to do, but looking back I think honestly I've felt worse discomfort before and since.

Maybe my pain tolerance has changed over 12 years too :)

Like you said everyones mileage may vary :)

D

I went to a Thai rehab as it was too expensive in the U.K. it cost me $7500 (usd) for the first month and it was the best decision I made for myself. I did a lot of research beforehand and didn’t pick any of the ones that look like holiday resorts lol. I binge drank too and had a super stressful job which is what started my regular drinking off and like you could sometimes have 5 days off drinking only to end it with an almighty binge. After a few years of that I ended up drinking everyday though.

Seeing an addiction specialist is a good idea regardless of wether you are hungover or not. Opening up to someone and reaching out for support is a difficult step to take but a very important one. Isolating and keeping it all to yourself won’t fix anything and for me at least it made things worse. Xx

What kind of AA meetings have you been to that are as you first describe?!

Whatever you do - you have to stop drinking. Yes, alcohol is a symptom but we have to get it out of our system to address anything else.

Agree with CR here. I was an alcoholic trainwreck who had absolutely no ability to think clearly til I quit drinking - THEN had a chance at getting help from multiple sources.

Good luck.

Well my discipline to take gaps in between binges has paid off at least..as i am 2 days sober now and my hectic schedule infront is giving me more enthusiasm.

but the real challenge is when my mood swings set in about day 3 -4 and when boredom and free time sets in.

i went to AA last night, but i could not find it, I was walking inside school grounds at 8pm last night and could not see any lit rooms or buildings... i wish they were easier to find i will admit. ( some of you will say "..you probably didnt look hard enough).

lastly, i am very keen on this therapist appointment. they open tomorrow so will be calling then. Atm i gotta prepare for work.

Some great advice in the top posts thanks guys.