brighterday1234

DriGuy

Before I quit, but while I was searching for reasons why I drank, the first excuse was always that I was bored. I told this to a number of people who wanted to help. At the same time I said it, I suspected that it wasn't the real reason. However, I will admit that I fought with boredom on a regular basis, drunk or sober.

After I quit, the boredom went away. Actually, I have no idea where it went. I had made no efforts to inject more excitement into my life. Granted sobriety was exciting, and knowing it was for real and forever was exciting, so that was an injection, but I would not have thought it was that big of an injection. I didn't uncover any subconscious causes, I didn't do any special work to lose boredom. Nothing in the 12 steps even addresses boredom. It just left, and I don't know why.

Maybe boredom is just a bad habit. When I think about this, it makes sense, because you don't have to be bored, and not everyone is bored. OK, to be honest, I still have rare bouts of boredom, but they go away when I do something, and they never last long enough for me to say my life is boring. My life is not boring to me. It seems rather rich and full. Others may disagree about my life, but that is irrelevant.

taplow

I wrote the opening post yesterday evening in an attempt to take my mind off drinking - Friday evening, nothing to do, I'd had a good few days without touching it. I was actually beating back a craving when normally I'd have given in.
Then when I'd posted it I went round to the shop and bought 8 pint cans of Kronenbourg and drank them fairly quickly. It was a real sucker punch.
On my last one I thought "I don't want this," but overruled myself and drank it down. Then my body was shaking when I stood up. Went to the toilet, couldn't stand still, pissed everywhere but in the bowl. Went to bed but couldn't get there, misjudged where it was and hit my head on the door and cut it, kept falling over and getting back up and then when I lay on my bed it was so uncomfortable. I couldn't lie still, couldn't sleep, couldn't get up. It was the worst drunken feeling I can remember.
My body clearly can't tolerate alcohol like it could. I've only had two weeks drinking from last September to this one so I suppose it's a novelty for me. Of course I'm another year older.
Normally when deciding to drink I know exactly what I'm doing. But not this time. I don't know how, when being so vigilant, this happened. It was like I wasn't there, just a spectator, as I went out without argument and bought alcohol. It's not easy is it, this drinking business.
I've got a train to catch early tomorrow so I've got a reason to stay off the drink. But where does reason come in? Alcohol justifies any behaviour.
Be on your watch.

taplow

Great post DriGuy. Just airing this bit again.

Kejun

Hey tap,

I remember feeling very bored for the first ... I guess, maybe 12 months or so? Despite filling my life as best I could, doing a good job of it with career, climbing a big mountain and working the steps as best I could, I distinctly remember ruffling the feathers of a long sober member in the rooms by me. When he shared after me, he did not even try to mask his irritation and almost offence at my - not purposeful - terse and flippant dialogue on how bored I was and how dull sober life is.

I was a little surprised by his apparent lack of understanding... Had he become used to mundane existence I pondered? He is retired, perhaps he just is out of touch?

In time when I look back on it, I realise that I had been quite self-absorbed in my view of "boring" life. Hypocritically I would explain how devastated I was to have caused pain to many people for many years, yet a few sentences later I was all too readily lamenting the deep exhalation, the dull uneventful life that others seem to be pretty much fine with.

I realised that I was becoming accustomed to being a regular member of society. Finding my place. Sure it wasn't rock and roll like back in my drinking games (rock and roll aka a pain in the ass nuisance!) but I wasn't hurting anyone... I was living but unlike before where it was riddled with drama and risks (inhibited behaviour removed and the super ego out on full display when indulging in a drink fuelled binge) I was living a life more 'normal'.

What I am saying is, ofcourse life is dull and boring. Booze is no longer part of life, finding sh*t to replace it is what is required. Easier said than done?

Pick something. I sauna every day and meditate when doing so, gym a lot, plan my next mountain, work hard and receive props for it. Finished attempting to make the final amends one month ago. Was rebuked felt shocking for a week but now have a peace I have not known before. After 20 months sober, I see that I can only do the best I can. My heart in the right place and figuring 20 months of solid no contact enough time to reach out.

--I tried.

I am also getting off topic.

I can tell you that knitting is not for me. Gym is. Fasting is. Farmers markets every saturday morning where I have met stall owners and learned about bumble bees (didnt realise I would find them so interesting!), property investing is interesting (to me), self development in many areas is fascinating to me as well.

The older guy who scolded my share early 2018 was pretty much right to scold me. I had not yet created a life worthy of ... a life.

I don't for a moment try to patronise or proselytise just giving a personal experience in my sober time. I still have the very odd day (for a small amount of time ever diminishing (gratefully)) where I feel suicidal. I struggle letting go of the past but it does get easier. It is assisted by leading a life which might seem boring, but a life where I am not hurting like I used to. I reckon now that leading this life is living my amends.

Actions not words.

melski

This is a terrific post and thread.
Really hit home for me and I really appreciate all the contributions.
I think I have mostly abandoned the idea of substances creating relief at any level but am struggling with the validity of the other passions in my life and my future.
Progress at some level but not comfortable for sure.

ColoradoRocky

Great post, every word of it.

I've come to realize leading a life is the only way of making amends to myself.

Actions not words.

boreas

Yup. One big motivation to quit was that though the amount I was drinking stayed the same, the way my body could handle it changed. Scary stuff.

A little over 2 years in and I still haven’t found where happiness is, but I know for sure that it isn’t at the bottom of that bottle.
Take care,
-bora

Nonsensical

We are designed for occasional boredom. It isn't an inherently bad thing.

entropy1964

That sounds like an awful experience Tap. I hope you are ok.

kk1k5x

It was an interesting read, Tap. Thank you.

Then again, I wouldn't place boredom on life - it's really the people and what they do or don't do that amounts to boredom or excitement. You sort of drifted in and out of romanticising drink in the post. In my personal experience, I just put drink on everything - sit at home (drink), go someplace (drink), meet someone (drink). But what I was doing was filling the excitement void left by eaerlier drinks. Dopamine is that rush/chase/hunt chemical and we just overload our brains, essentially numbing it out to minute changes we would otherwise experience.

Another thing would be to assess what 'passionate' even means? Passionate according to whose standards? It was pointed out earlier that no one really has a rollercoster type 'tunnel visioned' fun and exciting life. But this notion doesn't cancel out small or tiny personal passions. Like, you can get excited by the thought of trying all the burgers in every fast food joint in your area. It's really no one's business that this is exciting for you. Or that you ...feel passionately about this idea. And it certainly could be something more lasting, too (according to 'social standards generally evoked in these discussions'): music, arts, reading, writing, travelling, working, research, charity, sports. The list is endless, because there is no one specific way of determining what is and isn't exciting for you. Matter of fact, it's no one's business (or responsibility) to do that, because no one else can. The reason why drink features in those thoughts is because it is/was an overbearing burden on your systems that get you excited - be it about burgers or writing the next Broadway musical.

I mean, would any of us worry about working hard if we knew that 'some angel' will send us ten grand every month without fail? I doubt it. Working hard would become an item to focus on only when the checks stop. And then there's the alcoholic's limbo - the alkie was used to the checks, because it filled that essential void. Now that the checks have stopped, we should do something about the need for continued financial resources - but we don't know jack about work, how to get one, how to be a colleague, how to advance in our job/career, how to pay attention to small details in our work etc. So we reminisce about the good ol' angel sends checks days and subsequently ignore that we are more than capable of providing for ourselves, if only we tried.

Plus, there's no need to compare animals and humans (in this particular sense), because would they know what 'boredom' is as a concept :P? They might feel trapped indoors, because they cannot run and be themselves. Humans have a distinct advantage here. We can be perfectly entertained while physically doing nothing or very little. We are run by our instincts, yes, but we also have the power of our abstract thinking.

Would be interesting, but sad, to see a dog that comes in tired and bored every day "ugh, same **** different day - protect the sheep, run around, come when I hear a whistle....and for what? I haven't managed to put aside any bones since I was 2!". Dogs are more like "SHEEP SHEEP RUN RUN WHISTLE!!!! BONE!!!! What? Oh. SHEEP SHEEP RUN RUN". A sober brain is literally like the second dog, but with a top hat and monocle.

Unfortunately we fall into that first dog trap often. It's worse when we intentionally lessen our chances of being like the second dog, by just numbing ourselves to oblivion...with a substance that just does all run run sheep sheep part for us... without any running or sheep chasing occuring in reality.

Misssy2

This!

brighterday1234

DriGuy

Isn't that the truth!

Pressmetilihurt

I know what you mean about boredom. But I think life is boring cause we have become boring. When is the last time you...gave someone flowers, rode a horse, dyed your hair, greeted people coming into a meeting, planted something, made a cake and given away the pieces, skinny dipped...lol..my point is there's thrilling **** to do if we want.

PhoenixJ

I had to learn to enjoy life sober. I hated drinking in the end- doing so just to reach oblivion. I had to push myself hard to do stuff I hated- volunteer work where I was meet/greet at a museum, art groups- anything with humans- I would do...I had to learn the behavior of not thinking of sober time being just un-drinking time. Walking is a good one. Free- healthy, beneficial.

August252015

I am really sorry you drank Tap.

Dare I say (meant to everyone) that boredom isn't the problem? Something to reject by changing in our view and actions, sure, but something to cite for going out and buying booze, for example.

What's the next move, Tap?