I can't imagine being happy again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Oakland
Posts: 561
I can't imagine being happy again
Today I just felt like, what's the point. I'm miserable. I stood stared at a bar menu this afternoon. All these people eating lunch and having having beers. And I kept thinking "how did they do that are they going to stop drinking after that one beer?" My higher power grace me with a pretty bad cold. I'm glad to be on the mend. I think I'm not sleeping well because of a new medication armon and that may be contributing to my morose mood. I got a commitment at a meeting today. I will say that I'm grateful to be sober.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,755
How long have you been sober? In early sobriety, moods can be all over the map. 
At three months sober I was still not 'feeling it' and it was suggested that I start practicing gratitude every day. I did, tho it was hard at first, and it changed my attitude for the better. I am much more positive and happier.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
I hope your cold gets better soon.
At three months sober I was still not 'feeling it' and it was suggested that I start practicing gratitude every day. I did, tho it was hard at first, and it changed my attitude for the better. I am much more positive and happier. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
I hope your cold gets better soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Today I just felt like, what's the point. I'm miserable.
That may seem like a long time, but measured against the years I drank, it's not that long.
I feared I would always feel that way because that kind of thinking was useful for a drunk looking for an excuse to drink.
I had to constantly remind myself that this was not the best I was going to feel, and this was not my future.
People kept telling me it gets better and it does.
Stop looking at bars and bar menus tho - - noone in there is insanely happy either or never glum - you're torturing yourself for no good reason
D
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,922
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt 
Today I just felt like, what's the point. I'm miserable. I stood stared at a bar menu this afternoon. All these people eating lunch and having having beers. And I kept thinking "how did they do that are they going to stop drinking after that one beer?".
1. They have a drink problem too. Never assume others are doing OK with alcohol.
2. They’re sensible drinkers and haven’t crossed the line into dependency like us.
Either way, don’t worry about others. Think of yourself and you’ll soon feel a lot better.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,806
Yeah, I remember feeling that way. I was pretty miserable for a few months when I first quit. There was so much wreckage to clear up in my life, Lots of people pulled away from me, I had legal consequences looming, and not much money, only a part-time job, etc. It was a rough time for me. There were definitely times when I wondered what the point was. But I had kids and a grandchild to think about (one kid still at home and definitely needing me). I had a home to live in, and enough money to pay for that and put food on the table. I was lucky enough to have good insurance to help me pay for outpatient treatment. AND I was going to AA, and I saw people who arguably had it a lot worse than I did when they quit, and they were at peace. Some of them were happy. Some of them radiated pure joy, even. I had to put my faith in the possibility I could have that. I chose to believe that it would take time, but that at the very minimum, I could stop being miserable. And that did happen. That, and more. I am at peace most of the time now. Life is nice. I don't have drama or shame anymore. I feel really happy sometimes. Every once in a while I feel real joy. I don't walk around beaming with happiness and joy all the time, and I don't expect to, but wow - I'll take this over the misery that was my life while I was still drinking, and those first few months of sobriety. If I ever wonder what it would be like to drink again, I just remember how pointless and dark life seemed and I know I don't want to go back there, ever.
Give it some more time, Press. Try Least's suggestion of practicing gratitude, even if feels forced right now. It really does help re-wire your thinking. Remember that there are a whole lot of us who got through that rough time and have much better lives now. Don't give up.
Give it some more time, Press. Try Least's suggestion of practicing gratitude, even if feels forced right now. It really does help re-wire your thinking. Remember that there are a whole lot of us who got through that rough time and have much better lives now. Don't give up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
You're still pretty early days right press? Its ok not to be happy. I actually find the happiness thing a bit of a trap. You are watching all these people and thinking 'they are all so happy' and I'm not. You actually don't know what's really going on. Maybe one has cancer, maybe one is being abused, maybe one just won the lotto. But seriously, judging your internal feelings against what you see externally is a completely false equation.
Maybe at the meeting tell folks how you really feel. I mean, if you are feeling like a grateful alcoholic than, heck ya. But if you aren't, its ok to say so. There's probably 10 other people in the room feeling just like you are. And another 10 who have been there and can share what worked for them.
I'm not very happy right now either. Recovering from surgery and I can't walk the dog. So he's not happy either. And I'm pretty sure I'm watching him gain weight....he's a chubby guy. My heater got red tagged yesterday and its going to be getting quite cold. So there's that. BUT, silver lining, I took out a home owners policy in March so with a little luck it'll be covered. Wouldn't that be grand? I was starting to resent the policy thinking, ok now nothing will break. But low and behold? Haha. Anyway, happy is a feeling. It comes and goes.
But content? That's something that is sustainable. You should be very content that you aren't drinking.
Maybe at the meeting tell folks how you really feel. I mean, if you are feeling like a grateful alcoholic than, heck ya. But if you aren't, its ok to say so. There's probably 10 other people in the room feeling just like you are. And another 10 who have been there and can share what worked for them.
I'm not very happy right now either. Recovering from surgery and I can't walk the dog. So he's not happy either. And I'm pretty sure I'm watching him gain weight....he's a chubby guy. My heater got red tagged yesterday and its going to be getting quite cold. So there's that. BUT, silver lining, I took out a home owners policy in March so with a little luck it'll be covered. Wouldn't that be grand? I was starting to resent the policy thinking, ok now nothing will break. But low and behold? Haha. Anyway, happy is a feeling. It comes and goes.
But content? That's something that is sustainable. You should be very content that you aren't drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
press, what in the world are you doing in a bar this early in recovery?
asking to be led from temptation then walkin smack dab into it is a recipe for disaster- even if its a mental disaster.
being happy again..... i was about a month sober standing outside after a meeting smokin a cig with a group that was at the meeting. they were crackin jokes and i was thinking,"that joke was hilarious but im not laughin like them. i wanna laugh!"
it took T.I.M.E.=
Things
I
Must
Earn
asking to be led from temptation then walkin smack dab into it is a recipe for disaster- even if its a mental disaster.
being happy again..... i was about a month sober standing outside after a meeting smokin a cig with a group that was at the meeting. they were crackin jokes and i was thinking,"that joke was hilarious but im not laughin like them. i wanna laugh!"
it took T.I.M.E.=
Things
I
Must
Earn
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Tomsteve beat me to it, my friend Press.
You're just past 20 days sober and ALL of your recent posts have been about how much you are struggling. I'm being direct in this post: you have to do things to help yourself. Not going out and about - especially sick??- is one.
We get the early struggle. And sometimes later on struggle - I've got a big curveball that happened 2 days ago, from my husband no less, and that's "on top of" 4 wks today past major back surgery. And so on.
You have to - HAVE to - build tools to deal with life and straighten out the bad emotions. And I will tell you that on crappy days etc - I have to start with something least would say, gratitude: like, rattle off the first 5 things I am grateful for! Lemonade, expensive blue jeans, my husband, pillows, whatever. And stuff like keeping my rear at home when I am feeling squirrelly. And taking others' suggestions and....
I will say hang in there- and also, take action now, before you find yourself at a bar or pub or whatever....drinking.
You're just past 20 days sober and ALL of your recent posts have been about how much you are struggling. I'm being direct in this post: you have to do things to help yourself. Not going out and about - especially sick??- is one.
We get the early struggle. And sometimes later on struggle - I've got a big curveball that happened 2 days ago, from my husband no less, and that's "on top of" 4 wks today past major back surgery. And so on.
You have to - HAVE to - build tools to deal with life and straighten out the bad emotions. And I will tell you that on crappy days etc - I have to start with something least would say, gratitude: like, rattle off the first 5 things I am grateful for! Lemonade, expensive blue jeans, my husband, pillows, whatever. And stuff like keeping my rear at home when I am feeling squirrelly. And taking others' suggestions and....
I will say hang in there- and also, take action now, before you find yourself at a bar or pub or whatever....drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
It took a while for me to really start feeling better. Give it time. And just experience what you're experiencing now. If you feel like crap, let yourself feel like crap. Don't try to run away from how you're feeling. That's part of what got us addicted in the first place. Chasing a feeling from a bottle.
We were used to instant gratification from the bottle, so it takes a while to get back on the timeline of normal life. Things take a while.
Give it time. Be patient. It does get better with time. Practice gratitude--it really does help.
And stay away from bars right now!
Glad you got a commitment. Hope you feel better soon.
We were used to instant gratification from the bottle, so it takes a while to get back on the timeline of normal life. Things take a while.
Give it time. Be patient. It does get better with time. Practice gratitude--it really does help.
And stay away from bars right now!
Glad you got a commitment. Hope you feel better soon.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
Today I just felt like, what's the point. I'm miserable. I stood stared at a bar menu this afternoon. All these people eating lunch and having having beers. And I kept thinking "how did they do that are they going to stop drinking after that one beer?" My higher power grace me with a pretty bad cold. I'm glad to be on the mend. I think I'm not sleeping well because of a new medication armon and that may be contributing to my morose mood. I got a commitment at a meeting today. I will say that I'm grateful to be sober.
It is all an illusion. You want to drink and therefore you are feeling envy, which is not a good feeling anyway. You will for ever feel unhappy if you wish the bottle others are consuming.
As Hodd said, this is not about 'the others' and what others can do or have that you cannot. It is about you wanting to drink. You are giving yourself arguments for drinking: 'others can...' is a morally corrupted argument and very childish (I guess childish and morally 'distracted' are qualities defining many of us).
I would suggest you go around the forum and read a few open threads about relapse and others who are drinking. Is that what you are aiming for? Of course not. Your AV is giving you an excuse you don't want to scrutinise because our behaviour is about the reward right now without accounting (or been accountable) for the consequences.
It is not a reason to live you are seeking. Otherwise you would be running away from the booze. There are no reasons to live there (or die). You are trying to escape the difficult feelings, the emptiness of making a massive change in your life without immediate reward.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 598
Recovery is not easy. That is it really. Expect it to not be easy. Live with that. For most of us we are here because we ran out of options. Accept that too. People with weight problems look enviously at people devouring a chocolate cake. So what. The feeling passes and you remain on track with your goal.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,404
Sobriety has to be no1 priority to remain sober. Bars and bar menus aren’t the place for somebody trying to stay sober in my experience. Humans weren’t born drinking alcohol, a much greater and richer happiness is available in sobriety; blissful in fact. You have to want it and work for it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
Press - For some of us who have families and obligations, being newly sober allows us to fall back into being busy with responsibilities. Some of the “old thoughts” in drinking situations need to be replaced with new experiences. As you find time and energy for other activities, you won’t dwell so much on bar menus, or hanging out where drinking occurs. I would guess that those old ways could torment a person, and the AV would be telling you Why Not, What else is there to do.
But take this as opportunity to start rebuilding your life. Do you enjoy sports, the gym, art, nature? Look at your local library as a place to start (which is free). They not only have books, they have videos on how to do things. For instance, if you are living in your own place and want to fix it up or repair damages, plant a garden, build a bookcase/plant stand/bird house you can find how-to tapes or books, or use your YouTube. If you want to take a class to learn pottery, check out your community education classes through your community college or universities. They are relatively inexpensive and last a weekend, or several weeks. I have been taking a yoga class as well as a welding class( for making jewelry). I am self teaching my self to make beaded bracelets for gifts for some of my friends. I recently went to a wedding in the town I grew up in and found some cheap but well done copies of the orange box labels (we lived in so cal amongst the citrus groves) and matting and framing them for my brothers and sis for Christmas gifts.
There so many cool and fun projects you can do to occupy your spare time. Need a job? While you’re looking for one you can volunteer at a homeless shelter and assist in preparing and serving meals. Looks good on the resume and employers love to see activities in between job gigs. Sky is the limit on things that can fill your day with rewarding actions. Give it a try and I bet those pangs to fall back into the old ways will start to dissolve. One of our common problems with those of us who’ve addiction issues is that we have forgotten what we used to enjoy.The drinking zapped our energies. Now you can research new areas you’re interested in, and have the time for doing (and I daresay $$ since youre not using).
It’s a great big world out there with all sorts of opportunities only limited by your mind. Hope you can begin the walk towards it!
But take this as opportunity to start rebuilding your life. Do you enjoy sports, the gym, art, nature? Look at your local library as a place to start (which is free). They not only have books, they have videos on how to do things. For instance, if you are living in your own place and want to fix it up or repair damages, plant a garden, build a bookcase/plant stand/bird house you can find how-to tapes or books, or use your YouTube. If you want to take a class to learn pottery, check out your community education classes through your community college or universities. They are relatively inexpensive and last a weekend, or several weeks. I have been taking a yoga class as well as a welding class( for making jewelry). I am self teaching my self to make beaded bracelets for gifts for some of my friends. I recently went to a wedding in the town I grew up in and found some cheap but well done copies of the orange box labels (we lived in so cal amongst the citrus groves) and matting and framing them for my brothers and sis for Christmas gifts.
There so many cool and fun projects you can do to occupy your spare time. Need a job? While you’re looking for one you can volunteer at a homeless shelter and assist in preparing and serving meals. Looks good on the resume and employers love to see activities in between job gigs. Sky is the limit on things that can fill your day with rewarding actions. Give it a try and I bet those pangs to fall back into the old ways will start to dissolve. One of our common problems with those of us who’ve addiction issues is that we have forgotten what we used to enjoy.The drinking zapped our energies. Now you can research new areas you’re interested in, and have the time for doing (and I daresay $$ since youre not using).
It’s a great big world out there with all sorts of opportunities only limited by your mind. Hope you can begin the walk towards it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
You will be happy again, it will take time. Be gentle with yourself, you are doing great.
I agree with the others, stay out of bars, aside from the alcohol they are cesspools of disease. Anytime I get a cold or flu, I can trace it to eating out. Eat at home, carry your lunch. Don't eat in restaurants. (Ok so maybe I am a bit of a germ freak, I will eat lunch while mucking a stall, but would not eat in 99% of other people's homes, let alone a restaurant)
I agree with the others, stay out of bars, aside from the alcohol they are cesspools of disease. Anytime I get a cold or flu, I can trace it to eating out. Eat at home, carry your lunch. Don't eat in restaurants. (Ok so maybe I am a bit of a germ freak, I will eat lunch while mucking a stall, but would not eat in 99% of other people's homes, let alone a restaurant)
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt
I'm miserable.
I'm miserable
Today I am miserable
Today I feel misery
I know today I feel misery
I know today I feel misery because other days I don't feel misery
Other days I sometimes feel other things that are not misery
Other days I feel angry, envy, jealousy, humility, grateful, or sometimes even happy
I don't feel happy every day
I don't feel misery every day, either
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