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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 3
New here!
So... I've been lurking this forum for years. I am 34 and have been a problem drinker since my teenage years. I have a 15 month old that has some developmental disabilities that I pray are not related to my drinking. I stopped drinking the day I found out I was pregnant which was very early.... Like basiclly I took a pregnancy test one day and it was negative and then the next day it was positive.
Anyway, I have been assured that it would be very rare for my sons delays to be due to my drinking but the guilt is still there. So literally the week he was born I had a beer.... Then it just got worse from there. He started sleeping through the night around 4 months old so I was able to sit and have drinks while he was in bed. Also, my husband works nights so I was able to drink too many drinks too many nights without him knowing just how many I actually had.
I am ready to stop. Drinking does not make the guilt go away. I want to be a present mom for him. The day after I've drank a litre of wine and had a few tall cans of beer I am a tired and irritable mom. I never drink the day before he has an appointment, I always wake up early in the morning to care for him and I never drink before 6pm or so..... but I can feel that in a few years it could go that way.
No one around me would ever suspect or even say I am alcoholic but in my heart, mind and body I can feel the pull to drink and the rationalizing behind it. The making sure I have enough in the fridge...even as I write this I'm wondering if I should go grab some drinks for the evening.
I just wanted to introduce myself.... I find comfort in reading your experiences and I need all the help I can get.
Anyway, I have been assured that it would be very rare for my sons delays to be due to my drinking but the guilt is still there. So literally the week he was born I had a beer.... Then it just got worse from there. He started sleeping through the night around 4 months old so I was able to sit and have drinks while he was in bed. Also, my husband works nights so I was able to drink too many drinks too many nights without him knowing just how many I actually had.
I am ready to stop. Drinking does not make the guilt go away. I want to be a present mom for him. The day after I've drank a litre of wine and had a few tall cans of beer I am a tired and irritable mom. I never drink the day before he has an appointment, I always wake up early in the morning to care for him and I never drink before 6pm or so..... but I can feel that in a few years it could go that way.
No one around me would ever suspect or even say I am alcoholic but in my heart, mind and body I can feel the pull to drink and the rationalizing behind it. The making sure I have enough in the fridge...even as I write this I'm wondering if I should go grab some drinks for the evening.
I just wanted to introduce myself.... I find comfort in reading your experiences and I need all the help I can get.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hi, I'm glad you decided to post.
I'm glad you realize your drinking may be a problem before it gets worse, and believe me, it does get worse. As I get the feeling you realize this.
Yes, I hope you can be present for your son, he needs you more than you need a drink.
I hope you can deal with the guilt sober. Drinking is only going to breed more guilt.
Best to you and please keep posting.
I'm glad you realize your drinking may be a problem before it gets worse, and believe me, it does get worse. As I get the feeling you realize this.
Yes, I hope you can be present for your son, he needs you more than you need a drink.
I hope you can deal with the guilt sober. Drinking is only going to breed more guilt.
Best to you and please keep posting.
I hope our support can help you get sober for good. .gif)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Jennylynn,
I’m also a mom, and also controlled by drinking with an iron fist. For me, though my drinking patterns didn’t dramatically change, the way my body was able to handle alcohol did. So my control slipped even though I was keeping a handle on things. The first time I realized I wasn’t entirely sober for the morning bus run was an eye opening, shameful, and terrifying experience.
A little over two years sober and I can say it is the best decision I ever made. I am a better, calmer, happier and more present person which by default makes me a better mom. My only regret, and you’ll hear this echoed by others, is that I didn’t quit sooner.
There is always guilt with parenting. I think it is unavoidable. But the truth is, we do the best we can at the time. The past is gone, and all I can do today is work towards being a better person and mom tomorrow. For me, sobriety is an essential part of that effort.
-bora
I’m also a mom, and also controlled by drinking with an iron fist. For me, though my drinking patterns didn’t dramatically change, the way my body was able to handle alcohol did. So my control slipped even though I was keeping a handle on things. The first time I realized I wasn’t entirely sober for the morning bus run was an eye opening, shameful, and terrifying experience.
A little over two years sober and I can say it is the best decision I ever made. I am a better, calmer, happier and more present person which by default makes me a better mom. My only regret, and you’ll hear this echoed by others, is that I didn’t quit sooner.
There is always guilt with parenting. I think it is unavoidable. But the truth is, we do the best we can at the time. The past is gone, and all I can do today is work towards being a better person and mom tomorrow. For me, sobriety is an essential part of that effort.
-bora
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
It's great to have you join us, jennylynn. I'd give anything to go back and quit in my 30's. I kept trying to be a social drinker - as a result, my life fell apart & it was so hard to pick up the pieces. This won't happen to you.
I found the support and encouragement here really helped me stay strong. No one in my life understood what I was going through. My anxiety lessened every time I posted my thoughts and feelings. I hope you'll feel the same.
I found the support and encouragement here really helped me stay strong. No one in my life understood what I was going through. My anxiety lessened every time I posted my thoughts and feelings. I hope you'll feel the same.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
“No one around me would ever suspect or even say I am alcoholic but in my heart, mind and body I can feel the pull to drink and the rationalizing behind it.”
yes, that is exactly how it was for me, too.
welcome, jennylynn.
way to go on not running from that awareness of the pull inside you!
since you have been lurking, you are no doubt familiar with some of the varieties of ways people go about this sobriety-thing...what do you see as a route forward for yourself?
yes, that is exactly how it was for me, too.
welcome, jennylynn.
way to go on not running from that awareness of the pull inside you!
since you have been lurking, you are no doubt familiar with some of the varieties of ways people go about this sobriety-thing...what do you see as a route forward for yourself?
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