Meraviglioso

Ok, so I just talked to the nanny who works for the father. We were planning the pick up from school as it is raining.
I mentioned the visit with Omar, the psychologist and said I thought it went well. She said that when he arrived to the house there- he was going to stay with the children for two hours after visiting me, that she had asked him "so what do you think of Mera?" and he replied that he was very happy, that I seemed like a loving mother and have a great desire to improve and be the best I can be.
So that is good news.
Next week will be different as the kids will be here.
I explained to him that I don't exactly play with the kids. They are old enough that they have fun just the two of them doing legos or whatever. Of course if they ask me to play I do. For example on Sunday they wanted to play a board game and asked me to play so I did. But otherwise, they are playing and I am doing my thing cleaning, cooking, whatever. He said that was fine. I should be completely natural. I think he will look at how I intervene if a disagreement comes up during their play, how I feed them, get them to take care of their responsibilities- homework, helping set the table, etc. We'll see.

MLD51

Mera - I don't know how different things are in Italy, but here, it takes quite a lot to take custody away from a parent, especially a mother. It sounds to me like you are doing just fine - and if I were a judge or psychologist working on this case I would be wondering exactly what kind of man would argue for the mother of his children to have basically no part of his childrens' lives - that seems cruel. I went through a custody battle with my first husband, and found out that judges here don't like fathers who try to take custody away from mothers for no good reason. You have worked very hard to improve yourself, you are staying sober, and you obviously love your children very much. Keep doing those things, and I feel confident you will get shared custody.

newhope01

Fusion

Thank you for clarifying, Mera, yes, I understand the concept of “super exclusive sole custody”.

I’m in the U.K., and have a relative, who’s fought custody through the courts. for his children. He succeeded, in that the children live with him, but have contact with their mother, supervised at a contact centre, twice a week for an hour. The reason being, that their mother was asked by the court to undergo a hair strand test, and it returned positive for ‘chronic daily alcohol abuse’. The strand tested was x-cms long from her scalp, equivalent to hair growth of six moths. I don’t know how long you’ve stopped drinking, Mera. but maybe you could volunteer for a hair strand test, which you could use positively, to prove you haven’t drank, in X number of months?

Ladysadie

Mera - I’ve been following your case, your struggles, and your efforts to remain sober. You are to be commended for doing the hard work of getting your life back on track. While my experience with families and court is from within the US, I would rather imagine that the culture of Italy is not that much different with regard to family and the importance of both parents working for the good of their children. That being said, you are still having to "jump through the hoops” while the court assesses your fitness with regard to custody. Falling apart now would be self sabotage (which I am reading that you are continuing to remain strong). **YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS** I am here to offer you support.

You are strong, thoughtful, loving. Your boys are 10 and 11, and yes they start to form some independence at that age. I remember my children at that age, both a daughter and a son. Slowly they pull away so not playing with them unless they ask is natural. You mustn’t over think your role, just be yourself and do what comes naturally. You’ve got a good, internal compass for mothering. Most judges and other professionals recognize different styles of parenting. They also know children do best when both parents are involved in their lives. I am rooting for you!

You mustn’t give up, ever. Stay sober and focused. An order for visitation or co-custody might be written that isn’t 100 percent what you want, with conditions and review within certain time limits. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Understand what is expected of you and operate within. It will get better, it might be in steps, but hang in there.

You and their father's roles are both vital to raise these kids as it matters in each step of their development. Later on when they "get the teenage juices flowing", they may rebel and that bond you have will be tested. Having professional support as you parent is a good thing and can help you both as you navigate life with children.

PS please make no apologies to anyone for teaching them your language. That is a GREAT thing = Being bilingual.