Dee74

I don;t think you failed
You presented yourself well and your AV didn't get a look in.

I hope the ruling goes in your favour but above all you did your best here in these meetings

D

Delilah1

Hi Mera,

I’m so proud of you. This was an extremely challenging situation and you faced it bravely with the best interest of your boys. It sounds like today went just fine. Try not to over analyze what happened when their dad was in the room. It is best for kids to have both parents in their life, and hopefully this is what the judge will find.

When will you hear back about the ruling?

On another note, how much sober time do you have under your belt now? It should be quite a bit.

Sending so much love, and so many virtual hugs your way.

❤️Delilah

Meraviglioso

I did, but I am kicking myself that I didn't try and include my older son in the UNO game. He was just playing so happily on the couch with a car and I was so nervous that I completely forgot to ask if he wanted to play or try to coax him into playing.

Meraviglioso

Yes, in Italy join custody is both parents have equal time and equal say in any decisions. My ex is fighting for not only sole custody but something called "super exclusive sole custody" (that's the best I can translate it) where he would have the kids 100 percent of the time and be the ONLY one who could make any decisions of their care- health, school, etc. So if one of my sons went on life support in the hospital for example, I would not be able to be there, I would not be able to weigh in on any decisions for his care. Things like that.

Meraviglioso

Yes, it was super weird for me. I obviously speak Italian when I am out and about with them, but what comes naturally to me when interacting with just them is to speak in English. I have always wanted them to have the gift of being bi-lingual even if English is their second language (they only get it from me). I did have a few times where I fell back into English during the session, it just came out. But I did my best to stick to Italian most of the time. Even though my Italian is not 100 percent fluent. I felt like that was a hinderance against me, but it is what it is.
They wanted all Italian because it was video and audio recorded and if we spoke in English they would have to have it professionaly translated.

Meraviglioso

From what I understand this will go on until January. For each meeting there was the judge ordered psychologist and then each parent had their own "support" psychologist with them taking notes. All three will write up a report and present it to the judge. They have until January to do this. Which seems like a long time but whatever..... I am not sure what happens after that.

In terms of my sober time, with the court case going on I'd rather not say. But yes, it has been quite a while and I am feeling great about that!

Numblady

Agree with Dee and others it doesn’t sound like you failed. It’s such an unnatural setting and it sounds like the kids behaved just like you might expect them to if they had been living more with one parent but still bonded to the other. I know it’s hard not to replay everything over and over in your mind. But for whatever it’s worth it sounds like he’s going to have a hard time getting sole—and I’d say nearly impossible for super exclusive sole. I’m sorry you have to wait until January. Rooting for you!!

Meraviglioso

Thanks all for your support, it is so appreciated.

I am now counting down the hours for the home visit by the psychologist. I have cleaned, straightened, but have been careful to leave out toys, a bed a little messy, maybe a coffee cup in the sink..... to make it look lived in.

This whole process is so false. Think of what I have done to prepare. I am a nervous wreck, just dying with anxiety.

He will come at five PM and stay for an hour. I have NO IDEA what to do.

newhope01

Anna

The home visit does sound stressful, Mera, but I'm glad you're prepared. Will your children be there with you? It's probably a good thing that they take their time to make a decision. January seems a long way off, but it's good that they are doing a thorough investigation.

Meraviglioso

I have NO IDEA what the home visit consists of. But the guy, who is not the main psychologist, just called me and asked if it was ok if he showed up at 16:40 instead of 17:00!!!!! He will be here in just minutes. My house is clean, it always is, but it is a little bit messy in the kids' bedrooms. I look like hell, I can't sleep these days due to the stress.
I suppose I should offer him tea or coffee. I don't drink coffee at this hour, otherwise I won't sleep, even worse than the not sleeping due to stress. I do have a nice tea set. I just don't know what to do.
I am so nervous.

AnvilheadII

fix your hair and tidy the kid's rooms a bit....how long has it been since the children have been there?

you can offer beverages, you don't have to drink with the guest. this is an important step, and it's ok to let him know you are a little nervous.

Meraviglioso

Ok, so the home visit is done. I needn't have worried about the house because he did not take a look at all. Today we just sat at my dining room table and talked. He was actually really nice and very calm and understanding. He gave me a lot of positive feedback about my parenting which was nice.

He will come back next week to observe me with the children here and look at my home.

For now I am going to bed though. It is only 18:40 here but I am crushed after last evening, this morning meeting with my son's psychologist and then this home visit. I just want to sleep.

Anna

I'm sure you're exhausted, Mera. Sleep sounds good and hopefully you'll wake up energized again. I'm glad the visit went well.

Delilah1

I’m glad the visit went well Mera!

Dropsie

You should be so proud of yourself. So proud. You did your best. Now just don't drink no matter what.

Dee74

Hope you get some well deserved rest Mera

D

newhope01

trailmix

Glad it went well.

This is just a thought, for what it is worth. He or she is just a person too and this job can't be easy. So instead of worrying too much about you, how about focusing on them and making them comfortable, like you would with any guest. Maybe even ask them a few questions about themselves.

I think they probably want you to do well, it gives them no pleasure to try to find fault. So relax a bit if you can and focus back on them.

Sweetichick2

You are doing great Mera. I went through a custody battle and won. All I had to do was meet with the children’s lawyer .They kept my husband in another room. My kids were just babies though. I really feel for you. It’s very stressful being under so much scrutiny. He was arguing mental illness as I had stopped drinking. Hope you have a positive outcome