Day 9
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Home means Nevada
Posts: 24
Day 9
Hello! I have never introduced myself on here before. I found this site months ago when my family was going through some alcohol issues. My brother was fighting for custody of his kids and got a DUI, at the same time my step son's fiance called us asking for help because he was drunk and acting a fool and she didn't want him around the babies. I started reading on the Freinds and Family board, but also I started taking my own drinking into consideration and have begun the process of admitting I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I started drinking in high school with some older friends, nothing crazy just once every couple months. In the military, I was stationed overseas and the drinking age was 18, it was what we all did on our off time. We got blasted. When I got home, I met my first husband, bought a house, had a baby and became a stay at home mom. My ex would bring me wine after work before he went off running for hours. Before the divorce, I was able to control my drinking well. I was miserable in everyday life but I put myself through school, graduated with a bachelors and 2 young kids, got a good job and started taking care of my future. But I would drink alone after everyone went to sleep. My ex was always on his phone and didnt really care or participate much so the evenings I would get to relax and breathe and be alone with my wine. I remember one time I cut back to lose weight (foolishly thinking losing the baby weight would make my ex interested in me) and he would still bring me wine, I found out he preferred me drunk or buzzed. I didnt ask him for things or to participate in the relationship. With wine, I was happy.
Anyways, fast forward...I asked for a divorce after realizing my own happiness WAS important and the kids deserved to witness a healthy relationship, even if it was just a happy mom, alone. I did drink alot going through all that. But I met the man of my dreams, moved into my own place, then into his place. The kids are happy and adjusted and me and my ex co-parent quite well now. I am happily remarried and my life is on the right path...except alcohol. I feel like I hit a routine. That wine was the only way I could unwind. Wine made everything ok and numb and chaos free. Some days Id be fine and have 2 glasses at dinner and some days Id blackout and not know why my husband was mad at me. So after the wedding and honeymoon, and the first week back at work...I decided to quit. Here is something Ive realized...
I may have drank to relax but Ive found that I actually drank to quiet my mind. Ive come to identify myself as a Highly Sensitive Person and as fake as that sounds, it fits me perfectly! But my mind needs quiet and to unwind I need quiet and it seems the wine helped mask that. Its been a week and Ive already learned new ways to quiet my mind and to get some alone time to shut down and recharge. (Ive been waking up early and getting a workout in, before I workout I sit in my office with all my crafts and projects and get to drink my coffee with just my thoughts)
Also, I see how society is so booze focused! You cant watch any tv show without the characters drinking. You cant drive anywhere without seeing all the booze signs. All the magazines market to women and wine and moms and "deserving" that drink, and Mommies Sippy Cups. Its actually getting annoying...
Anyways, this realization has helped me with my brother and my step son. Both of them drink for something, and until that something is identified and worked on, the drinking is just a symptom. (I know that one cannot figure this out while actively drinking) My brother has continued to drink and continued to hide. My stepson recently got a 2nd DUI and is white knuckling it...he isnt drinking but he isnt working on the underlying issue. Its so damn hard to witness
So, here I am. Fighting my own small battle, watching loved ones battling much harder battles. I feel good, the first couple days I was incredibly irritable, but no other physical symptoms. I have been through my first weekend, my first Girls Night (ordered soda water and lime, no one cared) my first real, hard pushing of boundaries and Ive survived and didnt even want wine. (Ok, I wanted wine a little bit...)
I want to thank you all, because even though I dont post, I do read. Everyday. I have followed people like Tetrax and Sweeti and come to check in and hope they find peace. I read the old timers advice and feel genuine sadness for the newbies still struggling. The work this site does is amazing and I hope to stick around to witness everyone own their struggles, take control and live the life you all deserve!
I started drinking in high school with some older friends, nothing crazy just once every couple months. In the military, I was stationed overseas and the drinking age was 18, it was what we all did on our off time. We got blasted. When I got home, I met my first husband, bought a house, had a baby and became a stay at home mom. My ex would bring me wine after work before he went off running for hours. Before the divorce, I was able to control my drinking well. I was miserable in everyday life but I put myself through school, graduated with a bachelors and 2 young kids, got a good job and started taking care of my future. But I would drink alone after everyone went to sleep. My ex was always on his phone and didnt really care or participate much so the evenings I would get to relax and breathe and be alone with my wine. I remember one time I cut back to lose weight (foolishly thinking losing the baby weight would make my ex interested in me) and he would still bring me wine, I found out he preferred me drunk or buzzed. I didnt ask him for things or to participate in the relationship. With wine, I was happy.
Anyways, fast forward...I asked for a divorce after realizing my own happiness WAS important and the kids deserved to witness a healthy relationship, even if it was just a happy mom, alone. I did drink alot going through all that. But I met the man of my dreams, moved into my own place, then into his place. The kids are happy and adjusted and me and my ex co-parent quite well now. I am happily remarried and my life is on the right path...except alcohol. I feel like I hit a routine. That wine was the only way I could unwind. Wine made everything ok and numb and chaos free. Some days Id be fine and have 2 glasses at dinner and some days Id blackout and not know why my husband was mad at me. So after the wedding and honeymoon, and the first week back at work...I decided to quit. Here is something Ive realized...
I may have drank to relax but Ive found that I actually drank to quiet my mind. Ive come to identify myself as a Highly Sensitive Person and as fake as that sounds, it fits me perfectly! But my mind needs quiet and to unwind I need quiet and it seems the wine helped mask that. Its been a week and Ive already learned new ways to quiet my mind and to get some alone time to shut down and recharge. (Ive been waking up early and getting a workout in, before I workout I sit in my office with all my crafts and projects and get to drink my coffee with just my thoughts)
Also, I see how society is so booze focused! You cant watch any tv show without the characters drinking. You cant drive anywhere without seeing all the booze signs. All the magazines market to women and wine and moms and "deserving" that drink, and Mommies Sippy Cups. Its actually getting annoying...
Anyways, this realization has helped me with my brother and my step son. Both of them drink for something, and until that something is identified and worked on, the drinking is just a symptom. (I know that one cannot figure this out while actively drinking) My brother has continued to drink and continued to hide. My stepson recently got a 2nd DUI and is white knuckling it...he isnt drinking but he isnt working on the underlying issue. Its so damn hard to witness
So, here I am. Fighting my own small battle, watching loved ones battling much harder battles. I feel good, the first couple days I was incredibly irritable, but no other physical symptoms. I have been through my first weekend, my first Girls Night (ordered soda water and lime, no one cared) my first real, hard pushing of boundaries and Ive survived and didnt even want wine. (Ok, I wanted wine a little bit...)
I want to thank you all, because even though I dont post, I do read. Everyday. I have followed people like Tetrax and Sweeti and come to check in and hope they find peace. I read the old timers advice and feel genuine sadness for the newbies still struggling. The work this site does is amazing and I hope to stick around to witness everyone own their struggles, take control and live the life you all deserve!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Good for you for wabting to ride the sober train. Just think of the potential you will have even more . with more sobriety time. I too am finally on this sober kick. And I would have to say I am digging it. Its just sad to think I wasted all those years on a facade. But yes sober life is much better . ✌
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