Callas

Sometimes I am in recovery and then there are times when I am just sober. This is one of those times. I work my recovery plan as hard as I can but I remain just sober. The curved balls life is throwing at me are just getting the better of me. I do not drink. I do not think of drinking. I do not consider drinking.

I accept that there will be times, like now, where I just have to white-knuckle it. Bite the bullet. Get through it. Time will either bring a solution or acceptance. Either way this feeling will not last.

Staying sober will bring recovery again.

doggonecarl

Sorry you are going through a tough time.

Do you equate "recovery" with being happy? Or content?

For me, it's "recovery" that gets me through the rough patches sober. I don't use it as a indicator of my emotions.

january161992

Awesome post and I totally relate!

Felt just like that many times over the years.

Callas

Hi Doggonecarl. I do not equate recovery with happiness or contentment. For me recovery is being in control of my emotions, be they positive or negative. More specifically not feeling resentful. Accepting whatever my situation is and dealing with it.

SoberRican

For me I dont gauge my happiness by my recovery. What it does for me is let me actually feel my emotions where as before I would mess it up by boozing

Dee74

I hope that you'll quickly move through whatever is pulling you down Callas

D

Callas

Thank you Dee. I am confronted with one of those serenity prayer situations. Accept the things you cannot change. I obviously will because it cannot change. It’s just that getting there fills me with resentment and that in turn fills me with guilt. I also feel depressed because of this unchangeable situation. I need to go through it all and adapt my recovery plan and way of life. There is no other way, i hope with all my effort put into this I will get back into recovery within the limitations of my circumstances. I have to.

Dee74

I believe you will Callas

D

Natom

This makes perfect sense to me. I've had recovery at times and other times I've been 'white knuckling' it through the day. But feelings pass and recovery becomes a thing again. Ultimately if you never drink or use again then the logic would be that you would eventually find recovery. If you hang around the barbers long enough eventually you'll get a haircut.

Natom

D122y

I agree. I am fortunate to have found a way back to normalcy.

Building a strong foundation can happen at any time. Learning right from wrong.

Sometimes doing the right thing hurts. Like not drinking when I crave. All of my years of drinking proved to me that drinking will do nothing except give me a few minutes of euphoric bliss followed by days of misery.

Now that the physical addiction is long long long gone all I deal with is the mental.

I will crave for life. I call it growing up. It is self awareness. It is awesome and inspiring.

Folks that drank hard and quit are badasses!

All of you rock! Me too.

Thanks.

DriGuy

I get this, but what Carl said really hit home. I'm not even sure why, but when I read your first post, and had a similar reaction like, "Whoa, this doesn't describe my perspective at all."

In AA we are taught to focus on the steps, and the recovery follows. I understand that concept, but it's not the way I did it at all. I focused on sobriety, so that my personal growth could follow. Do you consider recovery to be working a program, or just getting well? To me, it all happens together in a big swirl. But I'm digressing a bit... maybe.

It probably makes no difference if you do these things frontwards or backwards. But the important thing is recovery doesn't mean bliss or serenity or contentment. You will experience them, just as you currently are; Sometimes you're right on, and sometimes you're a bit off. Recovery is not a smooth curve, it's bumpy and jumpy, and maybe even includes some steps backwards.

What you are experiencing seems right on to me. It sounds just like recovery (to me). Just keep on not drinking, and the rest can follow, although probably not in a straight line.

DriGuy

I get this, but what Carl said really hit home. I'm not even sure why, but when I read your first post, and had a similar reaction like, "Whoa, this doesn't describe my perspective at all."

In AA we are taught to focus on the steps, and the recovery follows. I understand that concept, but it's not the way I did it at all. I focused on sobriety, so that my personal growth could follow. Do you consider recovery to be working a program, or just getting well? To me, it all happens together in a big swirl. But I'm digressing a bit... maybe.

It probably makes no difference if you do these things frontwards or backwards. But the important thing is recovery doesn't mean bliss or serenity or contentment. You will experience them, just as you currently are; Sometimes you're right on, and sometimes you're a bit off. Recovery is not a smooth curve, it's bumpy and jumpy, and maybe even includes some steps backwards.

What you are experiencing seems right on to me. It sounds just like recovery (to me). Just keep on not drinking, and the rest can follow, although probably not in a straight line.

PhoenixJ

support to you

Anna

Callas, I'm sorry that you're going through a tough time. I hope things improve soon. Good job on staying strong in your recovery.