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When could you finally relax about not drinking?

Old 09-19-2019, 05:25 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I relaxed when I realized I sincerely had no desire to drink. Will power is irrelevant when there is no struggle. Just checked for poops and giggles: 2093 days.
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Old 09-19-2019, 06:35 PM
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Originally Posted by GiftsOfSobriety View Post
I had 25 years and 27 days at one point and I thought I might be recovered and normal by then. I wanted to see what it was like to have a couple drinks and ended up wasting 7 years of my life as a result.
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Old 09-19-2019, 06:42 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Zero nails it. No interest anymore = a sort of Autopilot Sobriety.

About 3 Months in, I realized I might have this Sobriety thing down as a permanent future. As I racked up ordinary experiences while Sober, that existence becoming The New Normal transitions into an effortless baseline.

A Pundit here some Years ago mentioned feeling like non-Drinker after 5 Years in. As in, he felt as if he'd never imbibed. That was true for me, too. Ya can't lust after that which you no longer want. 2079 Days for me. I never calculate that number except to post it as reference point.

The insanity and the *having to push back* tapers off, and ends.
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Old 09-19-2019, 07:05 PM
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I quit smoking in 2002 and after three months, I never craved a cigarette again. And I had smoked a pack a day for 20 years. I was expecting the same thing when I quit drinking 18 months ago but it took longer. Not surprising considering how long I drank but it does get easier. Now, having a drink, missing alcohol etc crosses my mind occasionally, I still have my triggers but it isn't unbearable and passes quickly.
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Old 09-20-2019, 01:25 AM
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Recovery is the backdrop of my life, as I call it. It's not about alcohol - that's something I only think about in the abstract, sometimes, or when working with another alcoholic getting sober- and in that case, it's to share my experience that it's not about the alcohol.

I set about re-creating a sober life, and at first, sure, that meant making literal choices about when and where and with whom to even be around alcohol. I always erred on the side of "no" to such, for a long time. Not out of fear but out of wanting to keep going further from a drink rather than closer to one.

Relax isn't really the right word - I work every day for a life in recovery, using my AA program, and it's just what I do. That's freedom.
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Old 09-20-2019, 03:37 AM
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In my prior stints of clean time I don't think I ever fully relaxed about using. I always knew the risk of using drugs was there. I feel that drugs are slightly different to alcohol because usually they're more difficult to get hold of. There could be supply issues, dealers not picking up their phones, dealers getting arrested etc.

Alcohol is much much more available. If I was an alcoholic I don't think I'd ever be able to relax because it's absolutely everywhere. Advertisements on multiple mediums, restaurants, shops, houses etc. There's simply no getting away from the fact it is so readily available.

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Old 09-20-2019, 06:13 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the different insights.
After reading how well so many people were feeling after 7-10 days, I was very deflated when I found the first 3 weeks so grueling. I was not feeling anywhere close to the extra energy, extra time and less weight others reported.

I am starting to worry about the sustainability of my sober life if it means the same investment in drinking and non drinking. Right now the time I used preparing /planing to drink goes into this forum, reading about sobriety, counting of my sober days, reflecting on how I feel to prepare for any surprise craving. Drinking has been substituted by siting on my hand until it passes, meditation, journal and grateful list. The time recovering from drinking is now allocated to exercise and care about what I eat.

I have a full-time job and a beautiful family with young kids who need to be looked after and catered for. Did I say I quit smoking too? (I am finding that part pretty easy though).

I have not enjoyed the benefits of good sleep either. The idea of working this hard for ever to keep up with my 'normal' life and sobriety is daunting. The alternative is so much worse that it is not an alternative. There are many many positive aspects of my AF life. As everything worth having it requires a lot of effort.
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Old 09-20-2019, 06:34 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Sober369 View Post
Thanks so much for sharing that, Gifts. I hope to always remember that.
This has been a good thread, good reading.
Very funny: "2 days to Nirvana". That made me laugh, though it's not what he said. If you are 2 days to Nirvana, it can't be far off for me!
I like your take on it, Dee. That's what I'm shooting for.
So happy to see you are here. I miss you in the July class...
Nirvana is around the corner, Sober.
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Old 09-20-2019, 08:54 AM
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post

I am starting to worry about the sustainability of my sober life if it means the same investment in drinking and non drinking.

There are many many positive aspects of my AF life. As everything worth having it requires a lot of effort.
While you seemed to conclude that the effort is actually worth the reward, you should re-read that first sentence that I quoted here. Think of all the effort you put into drinking and the reward that you got from it. I assume if you're on this site the rewards you got were shame and pain and suffering and loss etc etc.

Of course a good life requires work. I know you know that and I hope that you don't think I'm to preaching to you, if I do I'm sorry. But I do just want to point out that all the work that we did building a house of cards that supported our drinking life can now be spent in creating a life that we can be proud of. It's pretty awesome switch to flip.
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Old 09-20-2019, 09:16 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Forgive me if I missed it, but how long have you been sober? Nothing happens fast- and by fast in this case, I mean it takes weeks, months, longer for the collective "all" to get better and normalize. No one is supposed to make a vocation of sobriety, and we all have to juggle stuff, but if choosing to be sober every day is the top priority everything else will be OK.
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:47 PM
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August.. It is 75 days today. Probably very little or a massive stretch, depending from which side you are looking at it. However, if it is always going to take the same kind of effort, it does not matter if it is 3 days or 5 years.

This is not about impatience. I have lots of that too and I have been very frustrated at how long it has taken to feel a tiny bit better physically, let alone mentally. I was asking to get a perspective from those of you who have longer time alcohol free. I wanted to know if there was a 'hurrah' moment when you felt you truly were a non-drinker.

I cannot say that I knew on day 1 (many say they knew 'they were done') and I don't know today. It seems that different people have different experiences.

I am on a business trip with more time for myself than usual because I don't need to deal with family/house/normal life apart from work. And I am still exhausted. I am worried about keeping this level of investment in not-drinking for ever, because I don't see where the energy and time is going to come from.

I don't have a life where I can spend this amount of time navel gazing. I also want to make my sober time about enjoying everything else, mainly my kids, more. To be more present for them, not just for myself.

I am a bit low I guess. Was just hoping it gets much easier, not only in terms of not drinking (I am not having big problems with that part) but in terms of not thinking constantly about it and having 'plans' for it.

Thanks you lessgravity too
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Old 09-20-2019, 01:02 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Hi BackandScared,

From my perspective, you're still early on. It probably feels a lot longer to you!

For what it's worth, my experience was pretty much this:
First year: I was constantly vigilant. Lots of posting and AA meetings (including steps with a sponsor). My life centered around staying away from a drink. It was really hard. Lots of firsts: first Christmas without alcohol, first birthday without, etc.

Second year: I started to enjoy life a little more. I started to trust that I could keep this going, even though I was still a little scared of relapsing. It started to feel a little easier.

Third year: Mostly easy, but a rough patch and near relapse when a relationship ended badly. I was shocked at how quickly the urge to drink came back, but I managed it with the help of friends, AA meetings, and applying what I'd learned about how to deal with emotions without drinking.

Fourth year and beyond: It's normal to me not to drink now. I honestly don't think much about it. I still stay connected to recovery, partly because it helps me and partly because I like helping other people. I can't imagine drinking again.

That being said, I don't take my recovery for granted. I can go to bars if I'm with other people and there's a reason for me to be there and I don't stay long. I can go to parties if the primary purpose is socializing. I can be around alcohol and have even bought wine as presents for other people. But I don't forget that it's like keeping a lion as a pet. If I get too lax, it could kill me.

I could relapse, nothing in this world is certain. But I'm positive that as long as I do the things I've done, I'll be ok. I stay honest with myself, deal with my emotions, don't entertain thoughts that I can drink, don't hang out in places or with people whose only purpose is to drink. (I have lots of friends who drink, but they're real friends. As opposed to drinking buddies who have long since disappeared.)

It really has gotten easier. Give it time. It's a pretty big adjustment. I think you'll be ok.

PS To answer your question, I don't know when it happened, but 99% of the time, I'm completely relaxed and unworried about drinking.
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Old 09-20-2019, 01:46 PM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Thank you CupofJoe. I do know it is early days. It's been decades of drinking too much and only God knows when I crossed the bridge to alcoholism. But your message gives me hope.

Socialising (the little I do) is not a problem for me. Nobody around me is a heavy drinker. I was hiding all my drinking. About 100 units a week, with blackouts almost every day. And nobody noticed! So the danger is everywhere. It is not about going to a bar. Actually that's the easiest part. I hated it. Had to find time to drink before, then (last few years) I would add little bottles of wine to drink in toilet, while pretending to nurse slowly a drink like everybody else.

I drank alone and I drank with family around in my house. Only in the evening after making sure everybody was fed, the house was clean, my job completed. Kept a strict routine that made it look all normal, even when I could not remember half of my evenings. Somehow the routine was so strong I managed to follow it even when completely drunk.

Husband never noticed either. So I am forever vigilant because I can hide my drinking everywhere from everybody. It is not about the environment. It is me.

Thanks to everybody who read and the replies. It is good to let it out a bit.
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Old 09-20-2019, 04:13 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by BackandScared View Post
Thanks for the different insights.
After reading how well so many people were feeling after 7-10 days, I was very deflated when I found the first 3 weeks so grueling. I was not feeling anywhere close to the extra energy, extra time and less weight others reported.
it might help ya to take a read of some of the personal stories an a LOT of posts. there are MANY people here who werent feeling well at 7-10 days.
the only thing i felt at 7-10 days was misery but sober.
extra time, energy, and less weight? i was too miserable to think about them.
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Old 09-20-2019, 08:10 PM
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I'd agree with others about it becoming like sobriety autopilot after awhile; just my state of being, rather than explicitly centered on "not drinking." My drinking was almost ritualized. Going to get the exact same type and amount of booze, starting at the same time, sitting in the same place, etc., and it took me a few months to be comfortable doing whatever I happened to be doing without thinking "I would probably have been drinking right now" and things like that.

Drinking took so much time and effort. When I suddenly had all that time and effort to give to other things, it took some getting used to.
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Old 09-21-2019, 03:52 AM
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Cup of Joe said things very well.

In the span of wanting to be sober for the rest of my life, and literally as far as time, 75 days is indeed very early. Awesome accomplishment, but early.

What are you doing for a recovery (different than a life) program? That's the foundation for me (mine is AA). The rest of the stuff you describe and are trying to do well, as we all do, will be OK if you start with the right foundation of recovery first.

I also hear struggle with being sober v living in recovery. Those are very different things. As I mentioned in my earlier post, recovery is my way of life, and it entails a total mental, emotional and spiritual shift from when I was drinking, and when I first got sober.

It's not easy at the beginning. Most of us don't get any amount of "time out" from the "rest of life" to start getting our feet on sober ground (I did, which I am incredibly grateful for as I had about 5-6 wks not working, just going to drs and AA and being incredibly sick then starting to get well, til I had to work again).

Continuing sober is the only way to make progress. From 3 yr 7 mo I can promise you that each year brings differences and changes- indeed each month did for my first year, even some weeks, and certainly some days. It is all worth it- I can promise you that.

There is also a book I always suggest - Living Sober, about the first year of sobriety. A short and good read about what most people experience. I believe avail on Amazon; it is an AA-approved piece but not an AA-published one.

Keep going.
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Old 09-21-2019, 06:07 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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You're right, you can never stop being that alcoholic. You can never let go of your conviction that drinking will destroy you, and you will always have to be vigilant. But it's not going to be as bad as it sounds. While all this sounds like never being able to let your guard down, you will become more relaxed as you adjust to your new life. As you gain confidence, you can start paying attention to the birds and the flowers. Relaxation comes on it's own. You won't have to force it. Relaxation does not mean not caring, not watching, or just throwing in the towel. It is that way early on, but later your perspective on the issue will change as you gain confidence, which will also creep up on you when you aren't watching. Right now, just keep doing what you are doing, don't worry about 10 years from now. Let things happen naturally. This recovery thing is a journey, not a destination.
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Old 09-21-2019, 07:02 AM
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I also quit smoking over 10 years ago. It took me about 10 months before I would say I had recovered from nicotine addiction.

I quit drinking 11 months ago. I would say I was recovered after 6 months.

I am sure the timeline is different for everyone.
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Old 09-21-2019, 07:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Rd2quit View Post
I also quit smoking over 10 years ago. It took me about 10 months before I would say I had recovered from nicotine addiction.
I am sure the timeline is different for everyone.
I don't know when "recovered" starts exactly. I did have cravings for at least two years. Granted they were few and far between, and not as intense as the a week after I stopped. They were cute and laughable. I actually did chuckle when I had them. But there's a dark side to the chuckle. I don't know what would have happened if I lit up a cigarette. I don't think it would have ended very well.
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Old 09-21-2019, 07:53 AM
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Once you’re spiritually fit and have recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body that is untreated alcoholism 🙏
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