Forgiving Ourselves this Weekend - Weekenders 20 - 23 September 2019
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,756
That's a great picture kk1k5x. Where are you again?
We've just been thru a provincial election and are now headed into a federal election. So lots of mud slinging. And I'm thinking to myself, I wouldn't want to vote for someone who's never made a mistake. I'd trust a person more that has made mistakes and strives to be better.
Like dpac, I was a lone drinker. But I did some stupid things that Mrs Dragon was witness too. In addition are the lost years with my family. I was there, but hardly present. I'm reminded of these things often as I go about my daily business. What's done is done, going forward sober and mindful is what I need to do.
We've just been thru a provincial election and are now headed into a federal election. So lots of mud slinging. And I'm thinking to myself, I wouldn't want to vote for someone who's never made a mistake. I'd trust a person more that has made mistakes and strives to be better.
Like dpac, I was a lone drinker. But I did some stupid things that Mrs Dragon was witness too. In addition are the lost years with my family. I was there, but hardly present. I'm reminded of these things often as I go about my daily business. What's done is done, going forward sober and mindful is what I need to do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 591
Great photo K
forgiveness is a loaded topic, the guilt and shame works to keep me sober. A mantra came to my mind about this a few weeks ago in yoga “who I am is not who I was” just try to put it behind me.
I’m watching this show about Phil and Brin Hartman. As horrible as the wife seems, she was on drugs and very drunk. She had relapsed. To lose control and become abusive, psychotic that’s the monster alcohol and drugs awaken. Also, the antidepressants Brin was on is scary. So sad, their children were found terrified in their rooms. This show reminded me of what’s at stake, what monsters await if I drink again.
forgiveness is a loaded topic, the guilt and shame works to keep me sober. A mantra came to my mind about this a few weeks ago in yoga “who I am is not who I was” just try to put it behind me.
I’m watching this show about Phil and Brin Hartman. As horrible as the wife seems, she was on drugs and very drunk. She had relapsed. To lose control and become abusive, psychotic that’s the monster alcohol and drugs awaken. Also, the antidepressants Brin was on is scary. So sad, their children were found terrified in their rooms. This show reminded me of what’s at stake, what monsters await if I drink again.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
Dee, I love that quote and ‘The Shack” thanks.
I think my hands weren’t round anyone’s neck but my own. I’ve always been quick to forgive others but I wasn’t on my forgiveness list. Though I’ve drawn a line under my past drunken life, I know I’ll never be that drunk person again and am much happier in my skin knowing.
I think my hands weren’t round anyone’s neck but my own. I’ve always been quick to forgive others but I wasn’t on my forgiveness list. Though I’ve drawn a line under my past drunken life, I know I’ll never be that drunk person again and am much happier in my skin knowing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
Morning all,
I think my ability to forgive others depends on how badly they treated me.
When I was very young and married my husband had a full on affair. We had a daughter, she was only 3 years old. He pushed me to the edge of suicide, I had no support and believed I was going mad.
Once it was all out in the open he made no effort to hide it. He would leave me broken and crying to go out with her. Obviously it all had a very detrimental effect not only on me but on my daughter in her early informative years.
What was really sad is that despite all this I was desperate to save the marriage. It was the closest thing to family I had ever had. This enabled him to treat me badly knowing in my desperation I would put up with anything.
I recall absolutely begging him to apologise so that I could forgive him. I wanted to forgive him so much, he was my safe person gone bad. It fuddled my brain. He never ever did. He just passed the blame on to me for not being a good wife.
He eventually moved in with his girlfriend whilst I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. He knew of my abused past, broke me again and moved on without looking back. My daughter was left traumatised and emotionally damaged. She is now an alcoholic.
Forgive? No.
I think my ability to forgive others depends on how badly they treated me.
When I was very young and married my husband had a full on affair. We had a daughter, she was only 3 years old. He pushed me to the edge of suicide, I had no support and believed I was going mad.
Once it was all out in the open he made no effort to hide it. He would leave me broken and crying to go out with her. Obviously it all had a very detrimental effect not only on me but on my daughter in her early informative years.
What was really sad is that despite all this I was desperate to save the marriage. It was the closest thing to family I had ever had. This enabled him to treat me badly knowing in my desperation I would put up with anything.
I recall absolutely begging him to apologise so that I could forgive him. I wanted to forgive him so much, he was my safe person gone bad. It fuddled my brain. He never ever did. He just passed the blame on to me for not being a good wife.
He eventually moved in with his girlfriend whilst I was in the midst of a nervous breakdown. He knew of my abused past, broke me again and moved on without looking back. My daughter was left traumatised and emotionally damaged. She is now an alcoholic.
Forgive? No.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
This is one of the beautiful older trees in the park. Older folk remember climbing and playing on it as kids but sadly it has been fenced off due to damage in the storms earlier in the year. That was better than having it cut down.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Wow Kaily.
Fing mighty post.
Let it get out.
You really are an inspiration to me and hope you know it.
My daughter is 6 and I'm trying so hard to give her love and life.
I hope you find peace and happiness.
I hope you're daughter gets better.
Take care,
Vincent.
Fing mighty post.
Let it get out.
You really are an inspiration to me and hope you know it.
My daughter is 6 and I'm trying so hard to give her love and life.
I hope you find peace and happiness.
I hope you're daughter gets better.
Take care,
Vincent.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Friday morning, eh?
As I've said, all the days run together when I'm not working. I used to sit right here at my computer, on another forum, and drink all the day long. Well, at night I'd move to the couch in front of the TV. I've always cooked for myself and eaten nutritious food so that didn't really change. I still took a walk every day.
So I got sober at the scene of the crime.
Anyone reading along, you can do it too. Today's your day. You never have to have another drink ever again. Join up in this week's Weekender. You don't really have to talk about forgiving yourself, that was an idea, but anything goes in Weekender as you can see.
Today I'm getting outside!
((Kaily))
Mags, beautiful pics.
Vinny, I'm glad you're still posting. I hope the running is getting easier!
As I've said, all the days run together when I'm not working. I used to sit right here at my computer, on another forum, and drink all the day long. Well, at night I'd move to the couch in front of the TV. I've always cooked for myself and eaten nutritious food so that didn't really change. I still took a walk every day.
So I got sober at the scene of the crime.
Anyone reading along, you can do it too. Today's your day. You never have to have another drink ever again. Join up in this week's Weekender. You don't really have to talk about forgiving yourself, that was an idea, but anything goes in Weekender as you can see.
Today I'm getting outside!
((Kaily))
Mags, beautiful pics.
Vinny, I'm glad you're still posting. I hope the running is getting easier!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
I think maybe I overshared this morning. Apologises if I did. It wasn't planned, it just sorta poured out of me. Maybe it needed to, I don't know.
I wasn't looking for sympathy, it was just that I had read a few posts where people were mentioning how easy it was to forgive others and not themselves.
Got me thinking why I couldn't forgive some of the people that have wronged me. Ex husband being one of them and out it blahed!
Anyway.
Great pics Mags, looks like you had a nice day out.
Vman sounds like your a great Dad. I bet your daughter is the apple of your eye.
Bim I remember being drunk in charge of a computer many times. I even bought a horse once whilst under the influence online but that is a story for another day.
I wasn't looking for sympathy, it was just that I had read a few posts where people were mentioning how easy it was to forgive others and not themselves.
Got me thinking why I couldn't forgive some of the people that have wronged me. Ex husband being one of them and out it blahed!
Anyway.
Great pics Mags, looks like you had a nice day out.
Vman sounds like your a great Dad. I bet your daughter is the apple of your eye.
Bim I remember being drunk in charge of a computer many times. I even bought a horse once whilst under the influence online but that is a story for another day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Kaily, they have those gadgets online now where you can disable your ability to Purchase when Drunk. I could have used that a time or four.I quit my job and came into an inheritance and drank in front of a computer.
Let's just say I have more shoes in the 2009 styles than I will ever use. Online shoe buying! Aack.
No such thing as over-sharing. We all have a story. You've moved on from yours and that's as it should be. It sometimes helps me to talk about the bad stuff when/if it gets triggered. Takes the power away.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 850
Kaily, you're allowed to share as much or as little as you want. It feels good to get it out and know that someone is reading it. No worries. I hope the sharing helped. 
I feel very similarly about my own dad, who abused me and my sisters after my parents got divorced until I left for college. He never apologized for it, and if he did, it wasn't sincere or self serving. He still doesn't understand what he did or the damage he caused me and my sisters. So....I don't know if I can ever forgive him, either. But sometimes I think we just need time and distance and self compassion in situations like that, where we can at least come to terms with what happened and move forward. Sometimes I don't think that has to include forgiveness for the party who hurt us irreparably.
This definitely is an excellent topic and I appreciate everyone's willingness to share about their lives and experiences. Make me feel less alone, and I know I have people who understand in all corners of the world.
I feel very similarly about my own dad, who abused me and my sisters after my parents got divorced until I left for college. He never apologized for it, and if he did, it wasn't sincere or self serving. He still doesn't understand what he did or the damage he caused me and my sisters. So....I don't know if I can ever forgive him, either. But sometimes I think we just need time and distance and self compassion in situations like that, where we can at least come to terms with what happened and move forward. Sometimes I don't think that has to include forgiveness for the party who hurt us irreparably.
This definitely is an excellent topic and I appreciate everyone's willingness to share about their lives and experiences. Make me feel less alone, and I know I have people who understand in all corners of the world.
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