I’ve decided today is Day 1
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 513
I think distraction is definitely one of the keys to success in the early days. Exercise was a big one for me too, which you also have covered! And you'll find sticking to SR will be a huge help.
Glad to hear it's going well so far!
Glad to hear it's going well so far!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Hello everyone, wanted to check in.
Slept well last night, don't think I even woke up once. Felt fine this morning, read on SR and then headed off to work. It wasn't a particularly stressful day, but just like yesterday, I started thinking a lot about alcohol. As I mentioned previously, that's not normal for me. Usually it's a fleeting though during the day. But today, it happened a lot. More than usual. And it annoyed the crap out of me.
So what did I do? I just let myself be annoyed by it and then stopped at the store on the way home and bought alcohol. I didn't think I'd only manage one day, but it is what it is. I said I'll always be honest and I meant that, even if it does show my flaws.
Since I've been posting here and reading my recovery book I've noticed a few things. There's a lot of great information and a lot of great stories of recovery here. But there's a lot of heaviness too. Reading the suffering that many folks have and do go through really effects me. It makes me sad. I know I should focus on the positives and the redemption people go through, but I can just feel the pain in many of the people's words so much.
Also, I've been reading my recovery book at night before bed, for the most part. I don't think that's the best time for me. I just find it too heavy and it doesn't help me wind down from the day and go to sleep feeling peaceful. I prefer mindless readings before bed. So, I know for now, I need to avoid reading anything about recovery at bedtime.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I don't know how I can avoid the heavier stuff on SR and not feel it. How do I take away the good stuff without letting the bad stuff bring me down? It's really wonderful to read of the great life changes that sobriety has brought so many here. And I'm grateful to read of it.
That's all for now. Just trying to think go how to proceed.
~Peaches.
Slept well last night, don't think I even woke up once. Felt fine this morning, read on SR and then headed off to work. It wasn't a particularly stressful day, but just like yesterday, I started thinking a lot about alcohol. As I mentioned previously, that's not normal for me. Usually it's a fleeting though during the day. But today, it happened a lot. More than usual. And it annoyed the crap out of me.
So what did I do? I just let myself be annoyed by it and then stopped at the store on the way home and bought alcohol. I didn't think I'd only manage one day, but it is what it is. I said I'll always be honest and I meant that, even if it does show my flaws.
Since I've been posting here and reading my recovery book I've noticed a few things. There's a lot of great information and a lot of great stories of recovery here. But there's a lot of heaviness too. Reading the suffering that many folks have and do go through really effects me. It makes me sad. I know I should focus on the positives and the redemption people go through, but I can just feel the pain in many of the people's words so much.
Also, I've been reading my recovery book at night before bed, for the most part. I don't think that's the best time for me. I just find it too heavy and it doesn't help me wind down from the day and go to sleep feeling peaceful. I prefer mindless readings before bed. So, I know for now, I need to avoid reading anything about recovery at bedtime.
So, that's where I'm at right now. I don't know how I can avoid the heavier stuff on SR and not feel it. How do I take away the good stuff without letting the bad stuff bring me down? It's really wonderful to read of the great life changes that sobriety has brought so many here. And I'm grateful to read of it.
That's all for now. Just trying to think go how to proceed.
~Peaches.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
There is a lot of sadness and desperation in addiction, that's for sure.
I think if you use it as a cautionary tale it can serve a higher purpose. No one continues drinking and keeps it together forever. It WILL get worse for you too, it's just a matter of time.
I get it about feeling too deeply, and I used to be that way too. I thought I was an empath, and I couldn't deal with any sadness or pain at all in other people or animals. Heck, I just about had a nervous breakdown after watching, "The Cove," while I was still drinking. The super-sensitivity that is caused by alcohol (though I know you don't believe that right now) dies down with continuous sobriety. Believing that I had to drink to deal with life became a self-fulfilling prophesy. All of that was alcoholic delusion.
Sounds like you're facing just how big a battle you have ahead of you. I thought you were going to a recovery meeting this morning...what happened?
At some point all of this has to be faced and conquered.
I say throw out whatever alcohol you have left and have some food and go to bed.
Tomorrow make a plan to do something after work that doesn't involve getting more. Like a walk, a meeting.
I think if you use it as a cautionary tale it can serve a higher purpose. No one continues drinking and keeps it together forever. It WILL get worse for you too, it's just a matter of time.
I get it about feeling too deeply, and I used to be that way too. I thought I was an empath, and I couldn't deal with any sadness or pain at all in other people or animals. Heck, I just about had a nervous breakdown after watching, "The Cove," while I was still drinking. The super-sensitivity that is caused by alcohol (though I know you don't believe that right now) dies down with continuous sobriety. Believing that I had to drink to deal with life became a self-fulfilling prophesy. All of that was alcoholic delusion.
Sounds like you're facing just how big a battle you have ahead of you. I thought you were going to a recovery meeting this morning...what happened?
At some point all of this has to be faced and conquered.
I say throw out whatever alcohol you have left and have some food and go to bed.
Tomorrow make a plan to do something after work that doesn't involve getting more. Like a walk, a meeting.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
I had a good dinner before I posted. I have always been sensitive, even as a kid, so this isn't new for me. Perhaps alcohol does amplify that to some extent, I don't know. I just know I've always have seemed to feel things more.
I have tried taking away the pitfalls as a lesson when reading of other's stories, but I mostly come away from the site feeling bad for they pain people are currently in or have previously endured. I don't want to become indifferent to other people's pain, so I guess I need to figure out how to balance the good and the bad.
I wasn't the one posting about a meeting. That's not an option for me, so I have to rely on SR and recovery books. I'm going to have to figure out how to move forward and what else will work for me.
~Peaches
I have tried taking away the pitfalls as a lesson when reading of other's stories, but I mostly come away from the site feeling bad for they pain people are currently in or have previously endured. I don't want to become indifferent to other people's pain, so I guess I need to figure out how to balance the good and the bad.
I wasn't the one posting about a meeting. That's not an option for me, so I have to rely on SR and recovery books. I'm going to have to figure out how to move forward and what else will work for me.
~Peaches
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Oh, sorry! I thought you were going to a meeting.
I was a really sensitive kid too. That's why alcohol became such a coping tool.
I believe that alcohol breaks down the natural protective boundaries of ego.
I know you think you're different. I thought I was too. Alcoholics are by nature sensitive and intelligent people, that is true - BUT, running from life in a bottle just made me less able to cope.
Seriously. I thought I was the most Highly Sensitive Person ever. Turns out I was just an alcoholic codependent,
I hope you get some sleep. Maybe join the Class of September in Newcomers, and be inspired or terrified by others going through the same process. My Class was awesome in those first few months.
Looks like the thread is at 451 posts, it will close and Dee will start a new thread soon ( around 500 ) but he'll link the new thread at the bottom when he does...all you have to do is post in it and you'll find daily support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
I was a really sensitive kid too. That's why alcohol became such a coping tool.
I believe that alcohol breaks down the natural protective boundaries of ego.
I know you think you're different. I thought I was too. Alcoholics are by nature sensitive and intelligent people, that is true - BUT, running from life in a bottle just made me less able to cope.
Seriously. I thought I was the most Highly Sensitive Person ever. Turns out I was just an alcoholic codependent,
I hope you get some sleep. Maybe join the Class of September in Newcomers, and be inspired or terrified by others going through the same process. My Class was awesome in those first few months.
Looks like the thread is at 451 posts, it will close and Dee will start a new thread soon ( around 500 ) but he'll link the new thread at the bottom when he does...all you have to do is post in it and you'll find daily support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Recov.../dp/0471442615
MissPeaches, i read that book at night, every night, when i first got sober.
i wasn’t ever going to buy it, you understand, because of its hokey new-agey title and chapter headings and grrrr calmness and such.....but then i kept flipping through it and decided i needed it.
anyway, no matter what i read in there, or whatever the subject discussed, it always left me calm and peaceful and easing into sleep with positivity.
MissPeaches, i read that book at night, every night, when i first got sober.
i wasn’t ever going to buy it, you understand, because of its hokey new-agey title and chapter headings and grrrr calmness and such.....but then i kept flipping through it and decided i needed it.
anyway, no matter what i read in there, or whatever the subject discussed, it always left me calm and peaceful and easing into sleep with positivity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 2,966
Originally Posted by MissPeaches 
I have tried taking away the pitfalls as a lesson when reading of other's stories, but I mostly come away from the site feeling bad for they pain people are currently in or have previously endured. I don't want to become indifferent to other people's pain, so I guess I need to figure out how to balance the good and the bad.
~Peaches
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
I know there is a lot of pain here, but there is so much joy as well. There are stories of people who have turned their lives around, rebuilt, made positive changes...inspiring stories of people overcoming addiction and all the adversity that comes with it. It truly brings me joy to read about people quitting and reclaiming their own lives. I guess it's a matter of perspective.
You can do this, Misspeaches. You deserve to be free of this cycle, and you can do it.
You can do this, Misspeaches. You deserve to be free of this cycle, and you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Peaches,
I changed careers in part because I was so bothered by the suffering of those I interacted with as a social worker. At the time, drinking seemed the only sane response to an insane, unfair, and sorrow-filled world.
It was not the sane response for me. There is a dignity in facing all that is bad (and good) in life head on and sober. The world is what it is, and I move through it in the best way that I can.
IME, indifference isn’t what is required. I’m glad, because I think my empathy is the aspect of my own character I’m proud of. Strong coping mechanisms developed in sustained sobriety help in establishing boundaries and developing healthy and productive responses. For me, it’s an ongoing process. Also for me, it was a goal I was incapable of pursuing while all fuzzed up on booze.
Keep posting!
-bora
I changed careers in part because I was so bothered by the suffering of those I interacted with as a social worker. At the time, drinking seemed the only sane response to an insane, unfair, and sorrow-filled world.
It was not the sane response for me. There is a dignity in facing all that is bad (and good) in life head on and sober. The world is what it is, and I move through it in the best way that I can.
I don't want to become indifferent to other people's pain, so I guess I need to figure out how to balance the good and the bad.
Keep posting!
-bora
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