Mummyto2

Obladi

No BS, I think you are boiling mad because you feel you are owed. Your righteous indignation is your entitlement for sure, but there's another side to this story. You haven't said what your family feels. I imagine their refusal might have come completely out of the blue, but did it?

MantaLady

One piece of advice that really stuck with me was that when I was angry or at a state of heightened emotion to “not do something permanently stupid to solve a temporary problem” Xx

tomsteve

you did say Obviously the cause is alcohol as many of things in life . getting angry at family for the consequences of alcoholism is only making you resentful. they arent going to help. accept that and look for other resources.
theres more to the story i assume.
are you still drinking?

Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember
that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expec-
tations. The higher my expectations of other
people are, the lower is my serenity. I can watch my
serenity level rise when I discard my expectations.
But then my “rights” try to move in, and they too can
force my serenity level down. I have to discard my
“rights,” as well as my expectations, by asking myself,
How important is it, really? How important is it com-
pared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? And
when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety
than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher
level—at least for the time being.

Dropsie

I am with you on this one, I would be FURIOUS. Because its just mean.

I totally agree with TS about low expectations, but really, they are family, and family it sounds like you do a lot for.

But I would try and let it go, and not tell them off, but the next time they needed a favour, I would certainly take it into account. Not tell them its a quid pro quo for their meanness, just sorry that doesnt work for me. They will get the point.

But, as Dee says, the main point is to let that anger go and not turn it inwards as we are want to do.

Hang in, it will all be OK.

sugarbear1

You are an adult. It's your debt. You chose to drink instead of doing the right thing. Don't let your ego ignore them, they are family, but they aren't a bank. Sounds like a bit of tough love going on right now.

What are you going to do? Are you going to stop drinking yet?

ColoradoRocky

As I read this, you are furious because your family won't bail you out of your financial problems. Apparently, despite your recognition that alcohol caused your problems, you are still drinking. I think these days bailing out a drinker is known as enabling.

I never called it enabling. I call it throwing away money and making the drinker's life worse, not better.

FreshStartOk

Well they know I have a drink problem. Like I said they've had to dig into their pockets once before to help get me a new place, and they've had some financil difficulties -. I've kept them up one night by being ill with withdrawal and worrying, after which I had to be hospitalised.

We also all went through an unpleasant experience with an unimagined family death. I'm still at a loss to know their thinking though. I'm autistic so I don't behave appropriately, I also don't get people most of the time.

Situation has stumped me this time. All I can see is they've screwed me very hard.

Dee74

I dunno - maybe your folks are trying to teach you about discipline, or maybe about consequences.

Maybe they think, with good intentions, you need to learn more about being an self supporting adult.

I've no idea, man.

I think, with all due respect, you're focusing on the wrong thing here. The immediate problem isn't 'my family are screwing me' - the immediate problem is how else can you make these payments/raise this money now.

Will you have to renegotiate a payment plan? look for a loan? sell some stuff?

the sooner you start thinking about that, the better,

D

FreshStartOk

It's my siblings and I'm pretty settled about what's going to happen emotionally more than financially. I'll get through most of it I think, no driving for a while maybe, but was very close to going under. I'm far from underfunded in some cases, even without a load of inheritance, that is what's galling.

I'm going to cut them off for good, take my inheritance as well for all I care.

Dee74

sorry, I'm tired.
My siblings can be pretty didactic tho....

I hope you'll change your mind about cutting them out for good. I know you're upset but that seems like a disproportionate response to me, FS.

If you really stuck on this, have you asked them directly why they won;t bail you out?

D

FreshStartOk

I've asked them all explicitly numerous times why they won't. Not a sound word out any three of the degenerates. I'm seriously done. I don't like asking, I've kept clear of asking 99 percent of my life, but when I do ask they tell me to do one. They see me as a lost cause and have obviously conglomerated to never help me again. Maybe they are right, maybe not. They ain't gonna find out after these few days.

Dee74

Good - then don't ask anymore and work your way to solutions yourself.
you'll seriously look back at this and be glad you did


D

ps I didn't pick up that you were still drinking.
I wouldn't have posted as much.

If you are still drinking or were til very recently...then there's your answer as to why you've been refused.

I don't know you but when I was drinking I was a bottomless pit of want, and entitlement... and ungrateful with it.

I was still a reasonably nice fella who did good things for people - but I had a blind spot about my drinking and about whose responsibility it was to clean up the mess.

newhope01

FreshStartOk

That's basically what my younger sister just said. I'm finding that a hard situation to deal with, talk to them when I'm sober and the lights are off, no heat no car. After me saying genuinely I'm trying to deal with it.

I had most of July off and it was the best time of my adult life. There's no lack of trying in my opinion. I can't try when I'm on the streets about to be killed by whichever happy go lucky cut throat

Jesus Christ if I have a redemption story my closest relatives will be the arch enemies.

Della1968

The times my family didn't help me were the times they helped me the most. I hope you find some peace with this situation.

FreshStartOk

Heah I can understand that. I'm wondering if they are "helping" me understand my situation into my grave. I'm not stupid, seriously wondering if my family are stupid after talking to them.

The joys of being addicted. Having to make major life decision while impaired.

gypsytears

You don’t have to make major life decisions while impaired. You don’t have to be impaired. Simple.

newhope01

newhope01