Posting while hurting
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
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Could have written that post myself a couple of days ago. I'm not empty nesting yet, but I'm already worrying about it (about a year from now) and stressing over whether or not he will be READY to leave home. This is probably unnecessary worry, but I'm great at that. That is only a tiny piece of why I am having an existential crisis right now. All day Monday I was just OFF. Wondering what it's all for - the worrying, the busy-ness, the rat race. Wanting to just chuck it all and run away. Go sit by a river or the ocean somewhere for a week. Or the rest of my life. I felt more than off, actually - on the verge of tears all day at work. I don't know - mid-life crisis? I'm 56. Could retire if I really really wanted to. But I stick it out because I'm worried about what would happen if I don't have a job to go to every day.
Not trying to hijack your thread, entropy. Just letting you know you are not alone. I wonder in my case if it's the approaching winter and the shortening of the days that's got me this way - maybe partly? You have a lot going on - I think your meditation idea is great - I really ought to do that myself.
Not trying to hijack your thread, entropy. Just letting you know you are not alone. I wonder in my case if it's the approaching winter and the shortening of the days that's got me this way - maybe partly? You have a lot going on - I think your meditation idea is great - I really ought to do that myself.
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Originally Posted by Houstin 
Have you tried Magnesium? Somebody told me about it last week then I noticed it in a news article earlier today. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/a...gised-you.html
Thanks for reading that long post of mine! And it sounds like you are doing well.
Yes I do take Mag. For a host of reasons. Its my understanding that many of us are deficient. I don't take many supplements but that is one of them. I find it really helps with muscle soreness and tension.
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Originally Posted by Anna
When I have a day like that, I have to try really had to remember, it's just a day. It won't be like this forever.
You're right to think about the basics like eating, distracting yourself, exercising. And, don't hesitate to post your feelings anytime.
You're right to think about the basics like eating, distracting yourself, exercising. And, don't hesitate to post your feelings anytime.
Posting does help. Just throwing it out there to the internet multiverse. I just feel selfish because I 'know' what I would tell another poster in my shoes. And I think that's part of the 'programming' of posting here. Posters don't just help the OP, they help themselves by repetition of new belief systems. So that is great.
I just feel silly in a lot a ways. But I know that's silly. Lol.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I know I have days like that sometimes - and sometimes longer than a day - the fear and anxiety can be literally crippling - but everything really does always end up OK 
I think SR is the perfect place to post when you're feeling
I'm sorry you're feeling that way Entropy - but you have a lot of friends here and we're all rooting for you
D
I think SR is the perfect place to post when you're feeling
I'm sorry you're feeling that way Entropy - but you have a lot of friends here and we're all rooting for you
D
And yeah, bad months, or even years. And 'things' aren't even bad. Just different and scary. Almost worse than bad. Bad I get. This is like a void of the unknown.
Ugh. Thanks for the compassion!
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Originally Posted by Lucinda2
Ah Entropy, I hear you.
54 is a difficult age. I am the same age as you and feel anxious/stressed a lot of the time too. I also struggle to find my gratitude. Our lives sound pretty similar. I spin also!
Sometimes I think I am going crazy. But maybe we are just going through a lot of transition and asking some big questions. Maybe we will come out of this more fabulous or maybe we will go so nuts we no longer care.
Either way, we will be okay
Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated your words.
54 is a difficult age. I am the same age as you and feel anxious/stressed a lot of the time too. I also struggle to find my gratitude. Our lives sound pretty similar. I spin also!
Sometimes I think I am going crazy. But maybe we are just going through a lot of transition and asking some big questions. Maybe we will come out of this more fabulous or maybe we will go so nuts we no longer care.
Either way, we will be okay Thank you for sharing. I really appreciated your words.
Spin this morning is posted at the gym with the drywall. Better call and make sure its not a health hazard today! Maybe I'll just walk the dog. Beautiful day.
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Originally Posted by Misssy2
That was a beautiful post..you write beautifully....I think you should come write your feelings out more...I enjoyed reading about your experience, STRENGTH and you still have HOPE for yourself...
Your post gave me hope for myself...I'm 55...wish I was an emptynester….and similar thoughts and concerns spin in my head.....Me too...I'm an alcoholic....like you.
Thank you for sharing!
Your post gave me hope for myself...I'm 55...wish I was an emptynester….and similar thoughts and concerns spin in my head.....Me too...I'm an alcoholic....like you.
Thank you for sharing!
I'm glad you found some hope too.
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Originally Posted by Zevin
Great thread. I've had a few annoying days like this too recently.
At a convenience store yesterday, the checkout guy said I had used the wrong cup for my coke, so he was charging me extra. He was incredibly rude.
At first, I wanted to cry. (It had been a BAD DAY, ALL DAY). And I HATE when people use a hateful tone.
I fantasized about throwing the drink in his face. (Too violent, could possibly get arrested).
Or being a smart-a$$ and saying, "Oh, here's a quarter. Keep the extra nickel." (Too hateful, also didn't think of that response until later).
I went home, felt very sorry for myself -which kind of felt good!!- and sent friends detailed, indignant texts about the injustice I had suffered. They were kind enough to agree that I had been GREATLY disrespected and that, yes, they would support me in a boycott of the store, etc. etc.
This morning, I can see the humor in my dramatic texts, appreciate the support from friends who know I've got a LOT going on in my life and realized one rude man can't be the straw that breaks this camel's back.
So, Entropy and everyone else, thanks for the reminder that we are allowed to have bad days, we don't drink AT them and that life will get back to being manageable.
At a convenience store yesterday, the checkout guy said I had used the wrong cup for my coke, so he was charging me extra. He was incredibly rude.
At first, I wanted to cry. (It had been a BAD DAY, ALL DAY). And I HATE when people use a hateful tone.
I fantasized about throwing the drink in his face. (Too violent, could possibly get arrested).
Or being a smart-a$$ and saying, "Oh, here's a quarter. Keep the extra nickel." (Too hateful, also didn't think of that response until later).
I went home, felt very sorry for myself -which kind of felt good!!- and sent friends detailed, indignant texts about the injustice I had suffered. They were kind enough to agree that I had been GREATLY disrespected and that, yes, they would support me in a boycott of the store, etc. etc.
This morning, I can see the humor in my dramatic texts, appreciate the support from friends who know I've got a LOT going on in my life and realized one rude man can't be the straw that breaks this camel's back.
So, Entropy and everyone else, thanks for the reminder that we are allowed to have bad days, we don't drink AT them and that life will get back to being manageable.
Bimini asked me a long time ago "Is it a hill worth dying on?". I love that. NO, its not.
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Originally Posted by MLD51
Could have written that post myself a couple of days ago. I'm not empty nesting yet, but I'm already worrying about it (about a year from now) and stressing over whether or not he will be READY to leave home. This is probably unnecessary worry, but I'm great at that. That is only a tiny piece of why I am having an existential crisis right now. All day Monday I was just OFF. Wondering what it's all for - the worrying, the busy-ness, the rat race. Wanting to just chuck it all and run away. Go sit by a river or the ocean somewhere for a week. Or the rest of my life. I felt more than off, actually - on the verge of tears all day at work. I don't know - mid-life crisis? I'm 56. Could retire if I really really wanted to. But I stick it out because I'm worried about what would happen if I don't have a job to go to every day.
Not trying to hijack your thread, entropy. Just letting you know you are not alone. I wonder in my case if it's the approaching winter and the shortening of the days that's got me this way - maybe partly? You have a lot going on - I think your meditation idea is great - I really ought to do that myself.
Not trying to hijack your thread, entropy. Just letting you know you are not alone. I wonder in my case if it's the approaching winter and the shortening of the days that's got me this way - maybe partly? You have a lot going on - I think your meditation idea is great - I really ought to do that myself.
Now I have to thrive. And I'm trying to figure that out. I'm not un-thriving...haha. Just scared.
Sometimes I find the best decision is no decision. You have the potential for change. But are unclear of the direction or its consequences. Maybe make a plan, based on his leaving, of what you will do next and how to fill your time?
That's what I decided to do. I don't do well without a plan. And the plan doesn't have to be complicated. But my daughter moved out just 3 weeks ago. I banged out the resume and started applying for jobs because my target company posted some new positions. Good right? Well yes, but it started this expectation process I wasn't ready for. I didn't think things through, so unexpected feelings came up. I don't do well with unexpected. I think that's part of my condition really. So plans, for everything, are important. Not to the point of analysis paralysis but a map of how 'this' whole job process is going to go. The potential upsides and downsides. A financial plan. When is the 'drop dead' moment that I must be working? What am I willing to 'settle' for? What are my options? Getting back out there, in the form of networking (whatever the hell that is) and AA meetings.
I'm a very solo person. And I like it that way. But that is the opposite of networking. So I have to 'break out'. Ugh.
Breath. Slow down. Plan.
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Thank you to everyone that posted. ALL the posts were so supportive and meaningful...my lack of reply to every single one means they were perfect and needed no response!
I guess this is an example of how similar we all are...in our unique ways. Yes, that life, days, weeks, can be challenging. But all challenges end or change. Days pass, good and bad. I mean, no kidding right? And drinking will never, ever help a thing.
Knowing that completely is the essence of maintaining a sober life. At least for me. Maybe that's the nuts and bolts of why I posted.
So often I/we see posts about how hard 'my' life is. How everyone is hurting me, betraying me. How life turned its back on me as a child, or a betrayed lover, or as an angry employee, or a fellow member of society. How the 'world' can suck and it hurts. Why am I not 'happy' like everyone else?
Ah that trap is the worst. Judging my insides/feelings against what others appear to feeling based on their outsides. How totally inaccurate that baseline is. That we/I never really know what anyone is actually feeling or going through. The masks that are worn to appear 'ok' when who even knows what is really ok and what isn't?
I got through it. And today is the same. Another day. And drinking will never ever change anything. That is one message I wish for everyone, including myself, to remember each and every day that we struggle, thrive or just exist.
I guess this is an example of how similar we all are...in our unique ways. Yes, that life, days, weeks, can be challenging. But all challenges end or change. Days pass, good and bad. I mean, no kidding right? And drinking will never, ever help a thing.
Knowing that completely is the essence of maintaining a sober life. At least for me. Maybe that's the nuts and bolts of why I posted.
So often I/we see posts about how hard 'my' life is. How everyone is hurting me, betraying me. How life turned its back on me as a child, or a betrayed lover, or as an angry employee, or a fellow member of society. How the 'world' can suck and it hurts. Why am I not 'happy' like everyone else?
Ah that trap is the worst. Judging my insides/feelings against what others appear to feeling based on their outsides. How totally inaccurate that baseline is. That we/I never really know what anyone is actually feeling or going through. The masks that are worn to appear 'ok' when who even knows what is really ok and what isn't?
I got through it. And today is the same. Another day. And drinking will never ever change anything. That is one message I wish for everyone, including myself, to remember each and every day that we struggle, thrive or just exist.
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Hey, entropy. I just read this and I can relate. I am 59 and am in my 4th semester of college, working on an AA degree in social work. Sometimes I wonder what the point is in my life, but then I realize how far I've come, and that returning to school would have been impossible if I'd still been drinking. I have accomplished a lot in 45 months of sobriety. I have positive things to offer the universe. I'm still here, and that in itself is a miracle, considering how carelessly I so often treated my life. Practicing gratitude each day is something that helps me. I'm glad you got through it, and I wish you and everyone a good, sober day.
Life is good
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I've found yoga, mindfulness, meditation and breathing methods to be a huge part of mind, body and trauma healing -- on many levels.
This morning restorative yoga, slow easy holds with learned breathing have completely eased a deep muscle stress along with mood/awareness benefits. I was pushing myself harder this past week both physically and mentally. Long, full really good days, learning new skills at work and physically working out.
I took a 2 week unlimited opportunity at a yoga collective in the off-season offered at three resort towns that are close together. It was a wonderful Higher Power arranged time I couldn't have planned out if I had tried!
Prayer, being willing and asking for guidance can work a lot of things out in short time frames.
How are you doing today?
This morning restorative yoga, slow easy holds with learned breathing have completely eased a deep muscle stress along with mood/awareness benefits. I was pushing myself harder this past week both physically and mentally. Long, full really good days, learning new skills at work and physically working out.
I took a 2 week unlimited opportunity at a yoga collective in the off-season offered at three resort towns that are close together. It was a wonderful Higher Power arranged time I couldn't have planned out if I had tried!
Prayer, being willing and asking for guidance can work a lot of things out in short time frames.
How are you doing today?
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