Hello everyone. It's been a very long time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Hello everyone. It's been a very long time.
Hi everyone.
I have decided I need to be here right now.
I was 1 year sober on 15th July but relapsed just after that and it took me a while but I eventually hit my rock bottom again.
I'm now on day 2 of being sober.
I am desperate to change my life. I woke up in an alleyway in the daytime on saturday and started being aggressive to strangers that were helping me. I know this because an hour or so later I was woken up on a park bench by a police lady telling me they had reports of me being aggressive. I cant remember exactly what I did but because of that blurred memory I am convincing myself I was really violent and hurt someone because I have a bruise on my hand so my brain is going a million miles an hour telling me all sorts. I'm terrified of going outside incase I'm recognised. It's just pure madness. I'm 38 and sleeping in alleys and on benches. I am throughly ashamed of myself. The shame is unbearable.
I just wanted to share that. If any one can relate about the crazy brain and etc then please tell me.
Time to get sober again.
God bless.
RJ
I have decided I need to be here right now.
I was 1 year sober on 15th July but relapsed just after that and it took me a while but I eventually hit my rock bottom again.
I'm now on day 2 of being sober.
I am desperate to change my life. I woke up in an alleyway in the daytime on saturday and started being aggressive to strangers that were helping me. I know this because an hour or so later I was woken up on a park bench by a police lady telling me they had reports of me being aggressive. I cant remember exactly what I did but because of that blurred memory I am convincing myself I was really violent and hurt someone because I have a bruise on my hand so my brain is going a million miles an hour telling me all sorts. I'm terrified of going outside incase I'm recognised. It's just pure madness. I'm 38 and sleeping in alleys and on benches. I am throughly ashamed of myself. The shame is unbearable.
I just wanted to share that. If any one can relate about the crazy brain and etc then please tell me.
Time to get sober again.
God bless.
RJ
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi RJ!
I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery. Things will get better if you stop drinking. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Here's a couple good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7265352 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 455)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery. Things will get better if you stop drinking. Read around and post often--it works if you work it!
Here's a couple good threads to join:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post7265352 (24 Hour Recovery Connections Part 455)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
It's been a while. Welcome back.
Your rock bottom will get deeper the longer you dig. I hope you find your way to lasting sobriety.
Originally Posted by RJY9 
I eventually hit my rock bottom again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 138
Hi RJY9,
Well done on 2 days, I can relate to the crazy brain thinking as has happened me many times before,I was worried what did I say wrong to people this time, what friend have lost or to whom did I fight with last night and where did the scrapes, bruises and swelled hands come from.Moreover, the worst times was when I woke in a jail cell wondering what I did now, did I kill someone? DUI? Theft? Drunk and disorderly conduct? Turns out the charge,s was drunk and disorderly.I will not do that again ya right took me 3 times more to get some sense to drink at home that helped ya right ended up in hospital due to drink Crazy thinking yes I can Identify.
Well done on 2 days, I can relate to the crazy brain thinking as has happened me many times before,I was worried what did I say wrong to people this time, what friend have lost or to whom did I fight with last night and where did the scrapes, bruises and swelled hands come from.Moreover, the worst times was when I woke in a jail cell wondering what I did now, did I kill someone? DUI? Theft? Drunk and disorderly conduct? Turns out the charge,s was drunk and disorderly.I will not do that again ya right took me 3 times more to get some sense to drink at home that helped ya right ended up in hospital due to drink Crazy thinking yes I can Identify.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
Sorry you relapsed RJY9.
Yeah another crazy brain here. Back in my going out days I used to have complete and utter personality change. My friends gave drunk me a different name. They also frequently asked me to leave her at home. I never remembered much the next day but always had the bruises, lost clothes and needless to say much worse as evidence. Worse of all I thought it was normal. I believed you drink to get drunk.
Things got worse and worse so rather than give up drinking I stopped going out, just couldn't trust myself. So then I start buying wine to drink at home, then more and more. Long story short I end up drinking a 750ml bottle of vodka plus everyday home alone.
10 months sober now and hoping to stay that way.
Good luck on your new sober journey.
Yeah another crazy brain here. Back in my going out days I used to have complete and utter personality change. My friends gave drunk me a different name. They also frequently asked me to leave her at home. I never remembered much the next day but always had the bruises, lost clothes and needless to say much worse as evidence. Worse of all I thought it was normal. I believed you drink to get drunk.
Things got worse and worse so rather than give up drinking I stopped going out, just couldn't trust myself. So then I start buying wine to drink at home, then more and more. Long story short I end up drinking a 750ml bottle of vodka plus everyday home alone.
10 months sober now and hoping to stay that way.
Good luck on your new sober journey.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
That story sounded like a version of almost every one of my final 20 weekends or so. Lots of cops, fights, blackouts, DUIs. What great times me and my old buddy alcohol we’re having, lol. Actually it was quite pitiful. I destroyed all of my relationships, lost jobs, went to jail, went to detoxes, was institutionalized and still didn’t quit.
However, today I am 48 days sober. Why do I share all of this? To let you know you’re one of us and I am one of you. And if I can do it, so can you.
But I work my ass of for sobriety. I talk to my sponsor every day. I go to counseling twice a week, I go to three AA meetings per week, I read books, I volunteer, I completely stopped dating and I spend at least 2-3 hours on these boards every day.
It took me reimagining my entire life to shake free of the bondage of alcohol. And I’m no way in the clear. I still have that addicted voice, I still have cravings. But I’m done waking up on the street and punching people and not even remembering it happening. Sounds like you’re done too. So join us. Start posting here every day. And we’ll do our best to be a big part of your sobriety.
However, today I am 48 days sober. Why do I share all of this? To let you know you’re one of us and I am one of you. And if I can do it, so can you.
But I work my ass of for sobriety. I talk to my sponsor every day. I go to counseling twice a week, I go to three AA meetings per week, I read books, I volunteer, I completely stopped dating and I spend at least 2-3 hours on these boards every day.
It took me reimagining my entire life to shake free of the bondage of alcohol. And I’m no way in the clear. I still have that addicted voice, I still have cravings. But I’m done waking up on the street and punching people and not even remembering it happening. Sounds like you’re done too. So join us. Start posting here every day. And we’ll do our best to be a big part of your sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back RJY 
yeah all that post blackout stuff wondering what you did exactly but feeling/almost knowing it was bad...not fun.
The good news of course is that you never have to feel that way again
D
yeah all that post blackout stuff wondering what you did exactly but feeling/almost knowing it was bad...not fun.
The good news of course is that you never have to feel that way again
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome back! You had quite a bit of sober time under your belt, what happened in July that you decided to start drinking again? What worked for you during your sober time. Those are good places to start when you think about moving forward.
You know you can do this, you’ve done it before. Glad you are back!
You know you can do this, you’ve done it before. Glad you are back!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Yep another crazy brainer here 🙋*♀️
Your head is making things up. Maybe you did do some bad things? But maybe you didn't? Don't listen to your head! You can't change what has happened now but you can learn from it. Even after a year abstinent you quickly proved to yourself that you are still an alcoholic and can not drink safely and moderately. Great! Maybe you needed that extra proof. Now you can really grab back onto your recovery with both hands and as Dee says you will never have to feel this way again. How amazing is that???
Thank you for sharing. Your story serves as a stark reminder of what is waiting for me if I pick up a drink .
Sending you love , courage and support . You can do this!
🙏❤
Your head is making things up. Maybe you did do some bad things? But maybe you didn't? Don't listen to your head! You can't change what has happened now but you can learn from it. Even after a year abstinent you quickly proved to yourself that you are still an alcoholic and can not drink safely and moderately. Great! Maybe you needed that extra proof. Now you can really grab back onto your recovery with both hands and as Dee says you will never have to feel this way again. How amazing is that???
Thank you for sharing. Your story serves as a stark reminder of what is waiting for me if I pick up a drink .
Sending you love , courage and support . You can do this!
🙏❤
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
I am also curious as to why you picked up again. I am one year sober today and can't even imagine drinking, let alone crave it. Please share more on what you believe led up to your relapse (if you're comfortable with that). I think it would help myself and others understand how sneaky the beast can be, even after a year of sobriety.
Thank you for sharing, and bless you on your journey.
Thank you for sharing, and bless you on your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back RJY
yeah all that post blackout stuff wondering what you did exactly but feeling/almost knowing it was bad...not fun.
The good news of course is that you never have to feel that way again
D
yeah all that post blackout stuff wondering what you did exactly but feeling/almost knowing it was bad...not fun.
The good news of course is that you never have to feel that way again
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by wildflower70
I am also curious as to why you picked up again. I am one year sober today and can't even imagine drinking, let alone crave it. Please share more on what you believe led up to your relapse (if you're comfortable with that). I think it would help myself and others understand how sneaky the beast can be, even after a year of sobriety.
Thank you for sharing, and bless you on your journey.
Thank you for sharing, and bless you on your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by snitch
Yep another crazy brainer here 🙋*♀️
Your head is making things up. Maybe you did do some bad things? But maybe you didn't? Don't listen to your head! You can't change what has happened now but you can learn from it. Even after a year abstinent you quickly proved to yourself that you are still an alcoholic and can not drink safely and moderately. Great! Maybe you needed that extra proof. Now you can really grab back onto your recovery with both hands and as Dee says you will never have to feel this way again. How amazing is that???
Thank you for sharing. Your story serves as a stark reminder of what is waiting for me if I pick up a drink .
Sending you love , courage and support . You can do this!
🙏❤
Your head is making things up. Maybe you did do some bad things? But maybe you didn't? Don't listen to your head! You can't change what has happened now but you can learn from it. Even after a year abstinent you quickly proved to yourself that you are still an alcoholic and can not drink safely and moderately. Great! Maybe you needed that extra proof. Now you can really grab back onto your recovery with both hands and as Dee says you will never have to feel this way again. How amazing is that???
Thank you for sharing. Your story serves as a stark reminder of what is waiting for me if I pick up a drink .
Sending you love , courage and support . You can do this!
🙏❤
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: London
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome back! You had quite a bit of sober time under your belt, what happened in July that you decided to start drinking again? What worked for you during your sober time. Those are good places to start when you think about moving forward.
You know you can do this, you’ve done it before. Glad you are back!
You know you can do this, you’ve done it before. Glad you are back!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 181
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
It's been a while. Welcome back.
Your rock bottom will get deeper the longer you dig. I hope you find your way to lasting sobriety.
Your rock bottom will get deeper the longer you dig. I hope you find your way to lasting sobriety.
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