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Anyone accused of drinking when your NOT?

Old 09-09-2019, 04:08 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
dcg
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If anyone has ever lied to those same people about their drinking, especially many times, then it's fair game and he or she shouldn't get indignant at the accusations.

I never have that problem because I was in the situation where I could always be 100% honest and direct whenever asked (some people stopped asking as they really didn't want the answer) and it wouldn't affect my day-to-day.

Time builds trust. Give it time.
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Old 09-09-2019, 06:44 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MLD51 View Post
Yes. My situation was a little different. When I had been sober about two years, my dad accused me of relapsing (on the phone). He lived 400 miles from me. He hadn't even seen me in person in months. He thought I relapsed because I hadn't called him in some time. I hadn't called him because every time I did, he made me feel guilty about something and I felt horribly judged by him. That behavior was nothing new on his part - what was new was that in sobriety I wasn't as willing to put up with it. I never explained any of this to him. It wouldn't have made any difference. When he said that to me, I was so angry. But I didn't say anything. Just told him no, I was still sober. That was one of the last conversations we had. He died. I regret that I let that accusation affect me as much as it did.
I'm sorry I brought up that unpleasant memory for you..And you WERE sober when he died...so I hope when he hung up that night inside he felt proud and relieved when his daughter said "I am still sober"...I know my Father is so relieved when I am sober.

Yea I got a little pissed at my son...but I realize today that was all about "Me"...I could have handled the situation differently rather than yelling at the top of my lungs that I AM NOT DRUNK.

I could have calmly said...I can see why you would think that I am drunk...but honestly I am not....that probably would have been better...LOL
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Old 09-09-2019, 06:44 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dcg View Post
If anyone has ever lied to those same people about their drinking, especially many times, then it's fair game and he or she shouldn't get indignant at the accusations.

I never have that problem because I was in the situation where I could always be 100% honest and direct whenever asked (some people stopped asking as they really didn't want the answer) and it wouldn't affect my day-to-day.

Time builds trust. Give it time.
Yea I got a little pissed at my son...but I realize today that was all about "Me"...I could have handled the situation differently rather than yelling at the top of my lungs that I AM NOT DRUNK.

I could have calmly said...I can see why you would think that I am drunk...but honestly I am not....that probably would have been better...LOL
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Old 09-09-2019, 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi missy - it can be hard to deal with.... but I tried to remember that for 20 years or so I WAS drunk at any opportunity - and I'd habitually lie and say I was sober.

It took a little while, but I let my actions do the talking and slowly people came to trust me again

D
Hi Dee...Yea I got a little pissed at my son...but I realize today that was all about "Me"...I could have handled the situation differently rather than yelling at the top of my lungs that I AM NOT DRUNK.

I could have calmly said...I can see why you would think that I am drunk...but honestly I am not....that probably would have been better...LOL

I'm better today.
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Old 09-09-2019, 09:48 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Yeah....yelling at the kids is not the way to go. I just have to say, again, that there are major trust issues when a parent drinks and repeats a cycle of sometimes-sober-then-not. I hope you will choose a path to stay sober for good.
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Old 09-09-2019, 11:19 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I've been accused of being high an awful lot, and in 99% of those cases, I was actually as high as a kite. In the 1% of cases that I wasn't, I would get really frustrated with the accuser. But, eventually, I realised that it wasn't exactly a massive jump for people to accuse me of being high considering I spend 99% of my life inebriated on some kind of substance.

Friends and family lose so much trust in us when we're using or drinking. They also become accustomed to lies and manipulation so their accusations are pretty well-founded.

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Old 09-09-2019, 11:24 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Good for you that didn't drink AT this situation.
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Old 09-11-2019, 10:43 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
i couldnt get upset at anyone who was skeptical of my sobriety.with 23 years of the insanity of active alcoholism, there was no reason for people to believe i wasnt drinking. the way they learned and were confident that i was sober was through my actions over time.
I agree completely.

I was quite a public drunk.

No one has seen me drunk in a pretty good while, but that would have been a fair question or accusation early on since I was drunk everyday for years and years.
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Old 09-11-2019, 05:58 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Someone with a lot of sobriety recently told me something that really hit me. He said that people close to us cant understand why it looks like we are essentially slowly trying to kill ourselves when we are drinking. That made me aware of just how baffling this disease is, especially to those who arent alcoholics. So yes it can hurt when we are wrongly accused, especially cause we do work hard for sobriety. However,our past had to be so painful, trying, and confusing for those close to us, we need to remember they need time to heal too.
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