PhoenixJ

John, for me- it is reacting, rather than proactively deciding my behavior that defines this. I try not to make decisions, send emails (or any contacts or spend money if I am experiencing any emotionally charged feelings- high or low).


My emotions seldom balance out with logic.

fini

well, i think it’s because we are not solely rational. we feel, react, want...the list goes on.
we are not robots, that’s why

of course, if we ONLY did counter-productive stuff, natural selection would have wiped us out long ago.

Gottalife

Hi John, my story is quite similar to yours , been sober a long time and made quite a few mistakes along the way. But also have made a few good decisions and I am quite happy with the way things have turned out. My practice is along the lines of SoberCah's suggestions around step eleven. In a practical sense it means most of my decisions and/or choices as I go through the day are more on an intuitive or inspirational level, and have got better over time.

Let me float another possibility that I have also seen, which is where someone with a long time sober still has financial problems, or still has relationship dramas, essentially repeats of old behavior from the drinking days. This has often been traced to incomplete amends. Financial problems follow those who don't pay their debts it seems, relationships don't go well for those who have not cleaned up past hurts and so forth.

A suggestion I heard for old timers like us is to thoroughly work the steps again with an experienced sponsor. It isn't so much about staying sober, but we might be a heck of a lot happier after the tune up.

AAPJ

Regarding the overconsumption of food and the related unhealthy weight gain I think that humans are hard wired to eat too much because over most of human history famine as the norm that had to be addressed. So that responds to the topic at hand. But my next post will be a bit more interesting to me at least.

AAPJ

Post #224 from the thread titled:
Occasionally I (we) just like to count our days sober - Pt 19

John's first SR post on 8/5/19.

John perhaps you do not realize how rare you are. Most folks who sign up for this forum are in the throws of addiction. You show up with 29+ years of sobriety and just quietly slip your introductory post into the middle of a huge thread. Then you start posting away with the advice and wisdom that only someone with your many years of sobriety can provide. I am impressed to say the least but given your long history with AA I am not surprised.

Can you tell us what motivated you to seek out a forum like this and sign up? Thanks!

zerothehero

John, my gut reaction to your post was trauma. Take this ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) quiz and reflect: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-...nd-doesnt-mean

If the quiz reveals a history of trauma, consider watching this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZtGDnReCys

Trauma in childhood leads us to want to feel differently, raising the risk of addiction. If trauma led to addiction, then sobriety (though much preferred) is only step one in addressing the root of the problem.

If my gut feeling was way off, maybe this post will speak to someone else. I just know that I had a high ACE score. Once I stopped numbing with substances, I needed to learn to face down my past. Anxiety spiked as part of PAWS, but also because anxiety and post traumatic stress symptoms preceded my substance use.

Mindfulness and other Buddhist practices helped me make friends with myself, quit blaming self and others, and start thinking more positively about this magical world and the beings who inhabit it.

Hope this is relevant to someone - and helpful.

ColoradoRocky

PJ, thanks for the kind words, but I'm not really that rare or even special. Tommy H has 31 years, and Sharon has 29, Mike (GottaLife) is a lifer (!), and there are others like DriGuy, CAH, and Carl...in fact I've been waiting for Carl to weigh in on this topic I started and tell me what an idiot I am for forgetting that, "It's PROGRESS, not PERFECTION!" Right, Carl?

There's plenty more, and, in addition, we have Dee, Anna, and Least, and although Dee has only 12 years, he strikes me as a pretty sharp cookie. He shares something with Anna and Least, also: they are all three unfailingly kind.

Full disclosure.....I do not participate in AA anymore and I haven't for many, many years. The extent of my AA involvement is that around the time of my anniversary I make it a point to go to the city detox meeting and tell my story. It's a medallion meeting, but I always seem to end up giving my medallion to some detox guy in the room who really looks like he needs it. Which means I end up getting my keeper medallions from Central Service. I kind of have a cigar box full of 'em at this point. Including the one I cherish the most, the white Day One chip I got at my third meeting.

I love AA. Alcoholic Anonymous saved my life. Everything I learned in AA and from the people there is so fresh in my mind it might as well have happened this morning. Etched in my memory forever. But, frankly, alcohol doesn't play any part in my life and I don't have the time to really truly participate anymore. I tried about 25 years ago to be a sponsor, but my guys always ended up drinking so I figured I wasn't that good at it!

I think that's why I joined this site. I can pop in and out when I have the time, let somebody in on my personal experiences, sometimes tell somebody what my not-so-humble opinion is, and it isn't a big time commitment.

Then something else happened I wasn't necessarily looking for: I've learned a thing or two (including in this thread) in the short time I've been here. Yeah, okay, an old dog is still learning.

Of course, let's get real now. All this is predicated on the fact that I don't drink. All I need to do is pick up a bottle and, well, it would be a disaster I don't even want to think about.