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I'll be honest: I don't get the big deal about the steps

Old 09-05-2019, 10:06 PM
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I'll be honest: I don't get the big deal about the steps

I'm on step one that's for sure. I just don't get how the steps have this magical power. What am I missing?
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Old 09-05-2019, 10:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt View Post
I'm on step one that's for sure. I just don't get how the steps have this magical power. What am I missing?
Have you been through the steps? I mean, if you haven’t, how could you have any idea? It’s like saying “I don’t like Star Wars” without ever seeing it, lol.

I’ve read a lot of the Big Book and I don’t remember the word magic showing up. There are a million ways to get sober. AA has set forth a series of guidelines called steps to help people to recover. Only the first step mentions alcohol. All of the rest of the steps are guides to help you live a happier and more fulfilled life. They teach you identify your character flaws and to correct them. To list the people you hurt and try to make those things right, most importantly how to develop a relationship with a higher power (for most people that’s God), and then how to stay the way you’ve become to be by helping others recover.

So what are you missing? If you think people are promising magic, I’m thinking you’re missing everything.
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Old 09-05-2019, 10:16 PM
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It's a way of operationalizing what "working on yourself" might mean. Where to start, what to do next. There are other systems with other steps too, but this one is used in a lot of peer-supported addiction treatments and you can therefore get lots of good guidance and support in following them.

If your question is more "why do I have to work on myself", the answer is: are you suffering? is the way you are currently thinking, feeling and behaving making you happy? If not, then that would be the answer.

Best wishes for you recovery, whichever steps you chose to take!
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Old 09-05-2019, 10:58 PM
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I started the steps and my first step floored me. I didn't realize how much I had affected others, hurt myself and was an "alcoholic" until I saw it down on paper.

The way I see it, I am SO SO SO lucky to be able to have this opportunity to search so deeply.

But, AA is not for everyone and there are many ways and resources to get and stay sober. I found that diving into the AA community has kept me from drinking and I am eager to find out more about it!

We cannot judge anyone's thoughts or opinions and if you are sober, I am happy for you.
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Old 09-05-2019, 11:00 PM
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I think I'm a pretty good person. But I'm morose, self pitying, bitter, hot tempered, jealous, judgemental, fearful, selfish at times, people pleasing (dishonest), self obsessed... Run of the mill misery. I think the steps are about me worrying less about me and more about helping you. I do wish I could take off this heavy "me" coat sometimes. I want a fresh start.
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Old 09-06-2019, 12:01 AM
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I'll be honest: I don't get the big deal about the steps
how many ,"day one" and " i drank again" type threads have ya had ?
maybe THAT is the big beal about the steps- ypu wont have that insanity.

in all honesty, the question says you havent read the big book,press. if you have then you would read what occurs in us and our lives as a result of the steps.
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Old 09-06-2019, 12:18 AM
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I've worked steps one through 3 multiple times and I'm currently starting step one again. I don't see the steps as a magical cure to my condition but more as a series of guidelines that have been developed to help me live my life.

I know people with 20+ years of sobriety and clean time that have worked the steps multiple times in many different ways. It's clearly working for them and I want some of what they've got. That clarity, the wisdom they've acquired from working each step and applying it to their lives.

The steps don't work if you don't 'work' them. And working them requires finding a sponsor that will help guide you through the steps and truly understand their meaning.

I wish you the best of luck.

Natom.
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Old 09-06-2019, 03:10 AM
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Not an AA person, BUT, the steps are a guide to living well, you don't just do them once, you continue to do them and apply them throughout life. They are similar to many other programs for self exploration and healing. The concept you get to know yourself and your faults, own up to your wrongs and correct them, get in touch with your spirituality, be of service to others. These things guide you to a life more fulfilled, the past healed and you no longer need to drink or use. Most alcoholics when they first go to AA are so wrapped up in their own emotional vortex's and own disjointed memories of the past, they need a guideline for the first few years. The steps, because they are a good guide, then are available throughout life. They are essentially coping skills, for those who have none or very limited. Don't sell them short. They do work!
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Old 09-06-2019, 04:07 AM
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Maybe try not to analyse it too much Press. Go to meetings, sit in rooms, be close to others, do what your sponsor says and see what happens? I like what you said about throwing off the big heavy ‘me’ coat. That is one of my goals for this year too. I notice that I have become increasingly self obsessed over the last few years. It’s not a nice place to be huh? It sounds like AA has already given you some hope that this can be different. 😊
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Old 09-06-2019, 04:17 AM
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I know several people who worked through the steps with a firm determination to prove it doesn't work, yet found a 'magic' to them in that their lives and attitudes had a freedom and joy they hadn't experienced before.

Press, I'm glad you're here and that you're still trying. One day at a time.
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Old 09-06-2019, 04:23 AM
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Part of the process of working the steps is in doing this with someone. We aren't alone in this. Sharing various viewpoints open up a willingness inside us to allow, find and create change.

The person we choose to do this with is typically a sponsor or temporary sponsor. People who have 'something' we have a good feeling about.
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Old 09-06-2019, 04:24 AM
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I'm echoing what BetterMan said about it indeed NOT being about "magic."

Indeed, it IS about a spiritual awakening, which is NOT about God.

Aside from obvious ways,
I didn't "get" how I was afraid in the deeper senses of the word.
I didn't "get" how I was so selfish.
I didn't "get"....

Til I worked thru the steps and more importantly, began living them. That took me time. And guidance from not just a sponsor but people in meetings who had what I always talk about - "what I want." That keeps going.

As also mentioned above, whether anyone is "an AA person," an understanding of this road map for living is something I believe anyone would benefit from understanding. Indeed, the word "alcohol" is mentioned only ONCE, for good reason.

Step one, Acceptance, truly applies in endless ways far beyond drinking.

Keep going Press. Questioning and exploring as you find your best sober life are good things.
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Old 09-06-2019, 04:49 AM
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The steps are just another one of many self improvement guides found in every bookstore. Self improvement and paths to contentment are not exclusively the domain of the alcoholic, nor does self improvement depend exclusively on either spiritual or secular means, but everyone does owe it to themselves to grow personally.

I don't think Bill Wilson would approve of calling his particular process of recovery as "magic," but he definitely believed recovery could be obtained through mystical support. Many people prefer the term spiritual over mystical.

However, I did experience my own loss of cravings and the loss of my own desire to drink as something akin to a miracle, because not having the need to drink was so totally foreign to me that I once thought it to be impossible. Of course, I don't see it as an actual miracle. The loss of one's desire to drink, smoke, or do heroine, is exactly the secular description of breaking an addiction. It's exactly what we should expect. Although the emotional impact of the events tend to heighten the perception of the experience greatly. Some may see it as magical. To others it might just be awesome. I doubt that many experience it as trivial, however.
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:03 AM
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Words like "mystical" aren't what I would use either......

Ways I frame things do not include negative words like "battle" nor perhaps "positive" ones like "magic...."

There is no magic wand for me - nor is there a lurking antagonist in my life, save myself. That's why I need words like "spiritual" and "hope" to guide me.

Just my $0.02 from a current place of gratitude for so much.
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Pressmetilihurt View Post
I think I'm a pretty good person. But I'm morose, self pitying, bitter, hot tempered, jealous, judgemental, fearful, selfish at times, people pleasing (dishonest), self obsessed....
My kind of gal !!

Hey, look at it this way: you have a nice start on the Fourth Step ? !
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Old 09-06-2019, 05:21 AM
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Different viewpoints. Or maybe, sometimes, simply different words used to describe something. Spiritual, hope, recovery feel like a kind of magic to me.

My sponsor greatly encouraged many things including having an open mind, imagination, prayer, looking up word meanings and meditating about individual words, such as breaking down the Serenity Prayer, word by word.

Magic is the power to use supernatural forces to make impossible things happen.



If you refer to the magic of something, you mean that it has a special mysterious quality which makes it seem wonderful and exciting to you and which makes you feel happy.



Magic: producing extraordinary results, as if by magic or supernatural means
Seeing things differently is part of the great quality of living this human life. So is change. Maybe tomorrow I'll use other words to describe a freshly brewed cup of coffee, the sun rising and the beautiful vibration of music from my guitar. Today the word magic feels really nice.
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Old 09-06-2019, 06:03 AM
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I think, like Lucinda said, if you are going to work the program, just do it. Don't project ahead, have 'magical' expectations, judgments etc. Just DO. Do the steps in order, with your sponsor. Go to meetings, don't drink in between them.

See what happens. Honest Open Willing, right? Overthinking stuff never gets me anywhere.

Maybe that heavy coat will become a jacket, then a cardigan, then a long sleeve shirt, then a tshirt. Ya know? And the 'me' you want to shed, might become a 'me' you can wear with more contentment.
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Old 09-06-2019, 06:06 AM
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I'm with the crowd here, Pressme. Just get a sponsor and do the Steps.

More will be revealed.
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Old 09-06-2019, 06:13 AM
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Know, also, that there are many paths. I know folks who have done the Steps once and it worked. I know folks who have done all twelve Steps multiple times and keep relapsing. I know folks who have never done the Steps who have been sober for years and I would say are recovered. And I knew folks who haven't done the Steps and are dead. Do what works. Explore. Remain open and curious.
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Old 09-06-2019, 06:24 AM
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Like others have said, the steps don't have magical power. Nothing does.

But they can help you open your eyes. I won't say will help you, because it all depends on you.

I was really dismissive of the steps and sneered at them for a long time. I got stuck on the first three steps and kept drinking. I kept saying there was no way I would ever do any of that.

But when I got desperate enough, I decided to give it a try. It wasn't magical. I didn't stop immediately. But over the course of a few months, I got really honest and really started examining my behavior, my perceptions, my resentments, my fears, etc. with the help of my sponsor. And the light bulb went off. (The light bulb is my secular description of a spiritual awakening.)

It's like I woke up and saw what I was doing to myself and those around me. I couldn't pretend to be ignorant any more.

But I had to be open minded and willing to change for the work to do any good.

And now I look back and think, wait all I had to do was admit I was beaten down by alcohol, admit that my thinking was messed up, be willing to apologize to people I had affected, and admit I'm not the center of the universe? That's no big deal. What was I so scared of??

For me, it was like a jolt out of alcoholic thinking into recovered thinking. I couldn't go back to being ignorant. I think that was what was so scary. My addiction was threatened by having the light shining on it.
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