Angel5921

Hi All,

Long post alert!

Background: Dad passed from alcohol abuse, Dads brother aswell, Dads sister on the way (severely sick from drink-kidneys), Dads parents abused alcohol, Dads youngest brother 25 years or more sober. In a nutshell - extreme alcoholism running through the veins and reason why I feel guilt from one glass.

I personally should not even drink or put a drop of alcohol to my mouth based on this and because I know I suffer from addiction problems.


I just wanted to find out if anyone else suffers this problem?

My main issue is my mental state. I'm an extreme over thinker and I just don't have a lot of confidence. I don't warm up to people easily and neither them to me. I'm a really quiet reserved person @ heart and when I was growing up, this was always mistaken for being snobby or rude and drinking loosens me up and makes me more approachable.

I also really struggle with relaxing and I overthink a lot, and I mean a lot. I actually can be obsessive in my thoughts because I like to cover and control every outcome, especially opinions that people have of me because I don't have a completely clean past, eg ... My boyfriend's sister knows I know friends of hers and some embarrassing things happened when I knew them, things I'm not proud of, bear in mind I was 15....

I have been trying to go through every type of scenery in my mind to try and mitigate any bad though she might have about me if she had to find things out about me.... It's EXHAUSTING!!

And because I'm constantly thinking, I feel like a glass of wine will help and I drink to relax and be happy!! I'm never happy and always grumpy, Its really the one thing that makes me drink...

When I drink, its never one glass, even though I'm sure I'm alcohol intolerant because I can't even stomach one glass but once I've relaxed than it is like wow, I'm actually letting go of my thoughts and not caring about others opinions of me or my past. I've become really uncomfortable in my own skin and kind of always feel awkward and unliked and these thoughts are flowing through me all day. I almost want to be perfect and I can't make peace with my dad's death or who I was before.

It's just that I'm in the most amazing loving relationship right now and I don't want to ruin it. I feel like I've had these crazy signs lately (especially seeing butterflies) and I just wish I could stick to not picking up that drink.

Does anyone else suffer from a controlling/ obsessive personality with people-pleasing and how did you overcome this?

Dee74

Hi and welcome Angel

I think you'll find a lot of people here drank shut their brain up. I know I did. My brain frightened me the way it would never cease and I'd worry over little thing in my my loved ones or my friends lives.

Unfortunately the cure - alcohol - nearly destroyed me.

I had to quit - & I knew I needed to change my life if I wanted to stay quit.

I stepped down as General Manager of the Universe - and the Universe seems to be just fine.

I learned to relax and re institute balance in my life.

Eventually I got used to my jabbering brain - I wouldn't be without it now...I can even harness that power now to do several things at once.

I'm at peace tho, and I like and am comfortable with who I am. I've no need to go back to drinking to tolerate something I find intolerable anymore.

If you think that kind of change will be hard for you, there's no shame in getting some professional help and seeing a counsellor or therapist

D

PhoenixJ

To 'find' myself meant, after I finally got sober, Angel- I had to look hard at myself- with help from an addiction counsellor and a psychologist. I was more than a pleaser- I was an actor that could be anything others wanted me to be, or what I needed to be to survive. Consequence being I really had no idea of who I was- except I always sought validation- outside of myself.
Booze of course made the depression and anxiety and all the other stuff worse- over time getting much worse.
I am not anything like a 'balanced' human, but on my good days now- I can easily pass as a human.

Support to you.

icandothis20

Thanks for this important post Dee. I still struggle with weed use- and this is really the reason I smoke- to shut down my thoughts- I need to learn to work with my jabbering brain too.

BeABetterMan

Tinkerbeau

Hi Angel i defo get what you mean and understand the struggles, your description of yourself could be me !! I'm only just starting out being sober again, so don't have much help to offer, as im too trying to find new coping methods but your not alone in how your feeling.

MyLittleHorsie

Another over thinker, always going person here. I read the gossip rags about the Ditchess of Sussex texting aides at 5am and I think, what is wrong with that?
I didn't learn to land in the here and now until this, being my second year. It takes a lot of practice. I remember my husband telling me things about his day and me actually telling him to hurry the story up. It wasn't until I started yoga in January that I really started to practice the art of being still and quieting ones mind.

WaterOx

I can totally relate. I think when people say alcohol relaxes them, distresses them, etc- they usually mean they are trying not to overthink. They want to take a break and check out.

cmart63

I have read some great replies to your great post. The soberer my brain gets, the more energetic, excited, curious, and wondering it gets. (Edit: Maybe this is the way that I am supposed to be but it just does not feel comfortable...lol but true.) The easiest-quickest way to solve this is by using the most harmful method possible -Alcohol, and of course, the A always leads back to the same ole harmful results. I do recall a time in my full-time sober days (year+) when I truly learned to meditate. Wow, I now remember the great feelings I felt and thoughts I thought after playing racquetball and then meditating. Afterward, my brain activity was calm but would also remain focused and curious. Thank you for the reminder.

Lucinda2

Yes, I can totally relate. You have articulated what goes on in my head. Thanks for sharing this.

mariposa