An Introduction
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Thanks for the sincere replies, once again. You are all wonderful people to take the time and encourage this soul who is lost and struggling.
Boreas - Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. It's nice knowing someone else has relied primarily on SR in their journey. I will make the time to read your "An Introduction" posting...sorry for stealing your title, purely coincidental! And you are spot on in regards to one hand on a recovery book, the other on a drink. What an irony with trying to help yourself with having your biggest threat still right in front of your face/right in your hand. How's that working for me? And the last quote, spot on.
PhoenixJ - Hollow, yes, That resonates, and I know it will even more so once the alcohol as worn off. CBT sound like it's something that could help me. Thank you.
PhoenixJ/ColoradoRocky - The "yets"... I fully recognize that's what my brain has been feeding me. But, I do also recognize that's what the alcoholic brain will do. In the beginning, I let myself believe that BS. I no longer believe it. I know I'm just as bad as those who have lost their jobs, personal relationships and self dignity. Just because I haven't experienced x, y or z doesn't mean I don't have my own messed up issues that are just as dangerous when alcohol is used to deal with them. So, while I've posted about the "yets", it's not because I still buy into them. It's because I'm glad I recognize the nonsense of it all. That's something, at least.
Kk - thank you for your response. Your line on there will be do change without the doing hit home. I can talk/write about what I might do is of no consequence if I don't actually do it.
August - Guess I am a big thinker...I always seem to be processing and analyzing things, often overly so. And I think that's a part of the problem. Thank you for your insight.
I've had a busy day but was still kept up reading and/or thinking about SR and the stories shared here. I also read on Smart Recovery really like what I saw. I think that could also be a great resource for me. I know I can't rely on one thing to really help me get through this. I've got more on my plate family wise and am trying not to let it overwhelm me. I'm the only one to take care of things so I've just got to get through it and not get annoyed and frustrated when everything falls to me to take care of.
Got a few more things that are causing me some frustration, but really just trying to focus on getting through the family stuff now. With the other things, it's more sadness than frustration, really. Sadness from the reality of how things have turned out and frustration with trying to get past those feelings. Things that will never be are often hard to think of, especially when you wished for a different outcome.
Enough of that nonsense. Thank you all and hope you sleep well tonight.
~Peaches
Boreas - Thanks for sharing a bit of your story. It's nice knowing someone else has relied primarily on SR in their journey. I will make the time to read your "An Introduction" posting...sorry for stealing your title, purely coincidental! And you are spot on in regards to one hand on a recovery book, the other on a drink. What an irony with trying to help yourself with having your biggest threat still right in front of your face/right in your hand. How's that working for me? And the last quote, spot on.
PhoenixJ - Hollow, yes, That resonates, and I know it will even more so once the alcohol as worn off. CBT sound like it's something that could help me. Thank you.
PhoenixJ/ColoradoRocky - The "yets"... I fully recognize that's what my brain has been feeding me. But, I do also recognize that's what the alcoholic brain will do. In the beginning, I let myself believe that BS. I no longer believe it. I know I'm just as bad as those who have lost their jobs, personal relationships and self dignity. Just because I haven't experienced x, y or z doesn't mean I don't have my own messed up issues that are just as dangerous when alcohol is used to deal with them. So, while I've posted about the "yets", it's not because I still buy into them. It's because I'm glad I recognize the nonsense of it all. That's something, at least.
Kk - thank you for your response. Your line on there will be do change without the doing hit home. I can talk/write about what I might do is of no consequence if I don't actually do it.
August - Guess I am a big thinker...I always seem to be processing and analyzing things, often overly so. And I think that's a part of the problem. Thank you for your insight.
I've had a busy day but was still kept up reading and/or thinking about SR and the stories shared here. I also read on Smart Recovery really like what I saw. I think that could also be a great resource for me. I know I can't rely on one thing to really help me get through this. I've got more on my plate family wise and am trying not to let it overwhelm me. I'm the only one to take care of things so I've just got to get through it and not get annoyed and frustrated when everything falls to me to take care of.
Got a few more things that are causing me some frustration, but really just trying to focus on getting through the family stuff now. With the other things, it's more sadness than frustration, really. Sadness from the reality of how things have turned out and frustration with trying to get past those feelings. Things that will never be are often hard to think of, especially when you wished for a different outcome.
Enough of that nonsense. Thank you all and hope you sleep well tonight.
~Peaches
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
It's amazing how many of us blame loneliness for our alcoholism and then we're surprised when we can't get sober by ourselves.
I've come to realize that's why AA works for so many people. It's not the Big Book or the 12 steps that is the true driving force (in my opinion), it's the community. Being around others who identify with you and care. Who take the time to listen and be there for you.
I've come to realize that's why AA works for so many people. It's not the Big Book or the 12 steps that is the true driving force (in my opinion), it's the community. Being around others who identify with you and care. Who take the time to listen and be there for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
sorry for stealing your title, purely coincidental!
On the flip side, it is so helpful to me to have the opportunity to share my story with others who may benefit. A place like this is truly a 2 way street.
Guess I am a big thinker...I always seem to be processing and analyzing things, often overly so. And I think that's a part of the problem. Thank you for your insight.
Alcohol was my coping mechanism and my BFF. It was my Friday night plans, my unwinding after a busy day, basically my solace in a bottle. And like every bad breakup, it was only after the bastard was gone that I realized just how detrimental the relationship was to my happiness, relationships, and personal growth.
Sadness from the reality of how things have turned out and frustration with trying to get past those feelings. Things that will never be are often hard to think of, especially when you wished for a different outcome.
As the RS’s sang while I was running this morning... “If you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.”
Keep posting!
-bora
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Gainesville, Fl
Posts: 435
I too am one of those whose brain NEVER shuts down. I over analyze everything. My brain won't stop at night to let me sleep. I dwell on everything. My mistakes, my loneliness, and even a bunch of crap that just doesn't matter.
That's a huge part of the 12 steps and something I'm going to have a lot of trouble with. Letting go. You can't control everything and we'll drive ourselves nuts trying to do so.
That's a huge part of the 12 steps and something I'm going to have a lot of trouble with. Letting go. You can't control everything and we'll drive ourselves nuts trying to do so.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Boreas,
I read your "An Introduction" post. One line that really grabbed me was "to feel that false relaxation of your muscles like water, the dull hum as your racing mind quiets down, the easy companionship of the bottle that requires no effort on your part". (I'm not quite sure on how to use the quote function, etc. just yet).
Any any rate, much of what you wrote rang true to me. The more posts on SR I'm reading, the more I see the similarities between folks from so many different walks of life. So many people, with widly different backgrounds, but one common thread links everyone. Goes to show people are more alike than we generally acknowledge. A seemingly successful businessman in London from a respectable family could be facing the same exact struggle with addiction as a poor, blue color worker from South Central Los Angeles. It doesn't matter the color, age, family, career or education level. Addiction doesn't care who you are, where you are from, or what you plan to do with your life.
I find it quite sobering, actually, for lack of a better word. Who the heck am I to think I'm special and that alcohol couldn't really have a hold on me? That I'm smarter than that? Here I am again, thinking...I think, lol, I need to stop with all the thinking and just start with the doing. I'm sure someone on this thread already stated that, or one of the others I've followed. All the talking means crap without the change.
I've been pretty busy and haven't been able to read as much as I would've liked today. I think I will try to read through a few more threads, followed by the recovery book I've been reading and then get to bed early.
Thank you to those who've taken the time to respond, it's greatly appreciated. I will take your words with me along my journey.
I read your "An Introduction" post. One line that really grabbed me was "to feel that false relaxation of your muscles like water, the dull hum as your racing mind quiets down, the easy companionship of the bottle that requires no effort on your part". (I'm not quite sure on how to use the quote function, etc. just yet).
Any any rate, much of what you wrote rang true to me. The more posts on SR I'm reading, the more I see the similarities between folks from so many different walks of life. So many people, with widly different backgrounds, but one common thread links everyone. Goes to show people are more alike than we generally acknowledge. A seemingly successful businessman in London from a respectable family could be facing the same exact struggle with addiction as a poor, blue color worker from South Central Los Angeles. It doesn't matter the color, age, family, career or education level. Addiction doesn't care who you are, where you are from, or what you plan to do with your life.
I find it quite sobering, actually, for lack of a better word. Who the heck am I to think I'm special and that alcohol couldn't really have a hold on me? That I'm smarter than that? Here I am again, thinking...I think, lol, I need to stop with all the thinking and just start with the doing. I'm sure someone on this thread already stated that, or one of the others I've followed. All the talking means crap without the change.
I've been pretty busy and haven't been able to read as much as I would've liked today. I think I will try to read through a few more threads, followed by the recovery book I've been reading and then get to bed early.
Thank you to those who've taken the time to respond, it's greatly appreciated. I will take your words with me along my journey.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
MP,
The truth is, we drink because there are benefits to drinking. It feels good. It gives us something. We continue drinking because we try to convince ourselves that the good outweighs the ever-expanding bad. I think there is a tipping point, but like most things in life we just roll along with a nasty habit, gradually accepting each new negative as it presents, until one day we wake up and say, “ This really isn’t fun anymore.” And by the time we admit that, it hasn’t been fun for a long time. For the unlucky ones, that realization comes with an embarrassing or devastating public consequence to boot.
While drinking, I couldn’t envision sobriety because I my relationship with the bottle was so entrenched. What would I do with all that time? Pete Davidson once said (while sober)...”People always say, ‘there are not enough hours in the day.’ What do you mean? There are so many hours in the day!” I couldn’t imagine being present the entire evening. How would I relax? What else would make me feel ok? What else would pull that fuzzy blanket over the pain?
And yes, we all like to think we are special. It is universal, and (IMO) part of the human condition. I controlled my drinking with an iron fist, never missing work, maintaining the appearance or health and success, but it was excessive drinking by any measure. The first time I figured out what a “unit” was by the British standards I was shocked (10 units in a 750ml bottle of Chardonnay, binge drinking=6 units). But then we look around, and find we’re not special at all. A sobering, yet comforting thought when you think about it. Because it means that anyone can achieve sobriety.
All the bad **** that kept me drinking is still there. But I'm working on it, coping with it, carrying it along my journey in it’s own little package to be addressed in pieces over time. And it is so much better. All those same issues, so much better when looked at soberly. Back to that tipping point...what I was running from wasn’t nearly as painful as the day to day misery I was creating for myself. Relieved of the pain of chronic drinking, the same load got a whole lot lighter.
-bora
The truth is, we drink because there are benefits to drinking. It feels good. It gives us something. We continue drinking because we try to convince ourselves that the good outweighs the ever-expanding bad. I think there is a tipping point, but like most things in life we just roll along with a nasty habit, gradually accepting each new negative as it presents, until one day we wake up and say, “ This really isn’t fun anymore.” And by the time we admit that, it hasn’t been fun for a long time. For the unlucky ones, that realization comes with an embarrassing or devastating public consequence to boot.
While drinking, I couldn’t envision sobriety because I my relationship with the bottle was so entrenched. What would I do with all that time? Pete Davidson once said (while sober)...”People always say, ‘there are not enough hours in the day.’ What do you mean? There are so many hours in the day!” I couldn’t imagine being present the entire evening. How would I relax? What else would make me feel ok? What else would pull that fuzzy blanket over the pain?
And yes, we all like to think we are special. It is universal, and (IMO) part of the human condition. I controlled my drinking with an iron fist, never missing work, maintaining the appearance or health and success, but it was excessive drinking by any measure. The first time I figured out what a “unit” was by the British standards I was shocked (10 units in a 750ml bottle of Chardonnay, binge drinking=6 units). But then we look around, and find we’re not special at all. A sobering, yet comforting thought when you think about it. Because it means that anyone can achieve sobriety.
All the bad **** that kept me drinking is still there. But I'm working on it, coping with it, carrying it along my journey in it’s own little package to be addressed in pieces over time. And it is so much better. All those same issues, so much better when looked at soberly. Back to that tipping point...what I was running from wasn’t nearly as painful as the day to day misery I was creating for myself. Relieved of the pain of chronic drinking, the same load got a whole lot lighter.
-bora
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Wanted to check in today. Had a lot on my plate the past few days. I'm worn out but I had today to relax and will also have the same tomorrow. Today was good, I chilled out and was able to read my recovery book, along with another fiction beach-read type book. And just not do much at all
. It was a good day and I'm looking forward to another. I need it, as I'm burned out. I wish I had a little more time, but I'm grateful I've got this little bit of time to recharge. I've been reading a lot of SR posts. I will always be honest with you all...I'm not sober, but I'm not going overboard and getting smashed like I have in the past. I know, sounds like rationalizing but I'm just stating as things are. I know I should stop all together and put this behind me. I feel like I'm slowly getting there. I will continue with the recovery book and reading here. Your stories have really helped me see things in myself I want to change. So much strength here on SR, you guys are awesome.
. It was a good day and I'm looking forward to another. I need it, as I'm burned out. I wish I had a little more time, but I'm grateful I've got this little bit of time to recharge. I've been reading a lot of SR posts. I will always be honest with you all...I'm not sober, but I'm not going overboard and getting smashed like I have in the past. I know, sounds like rationalizing but I'm just stating as things are. I know I should stop all together and put this behind me. I feel like I'm slowly getting there. I will continue with the recovery book and reading here. Your stories have really helped me see things in myself I want to change. So much strength here on SR, you guys are awesome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
Today has been another day to relax. I've not had much time off this year and I knew I needed a couple days to recharge for mental health or I was going to really crack. Day two was good. More time to just chill and not have to worry about what has to be done, like appointments, checking emails, voicemails, etc. Not that it wasn't in the back of my mind, but in the forefront I made it a priority to just chill.
I found myself getting annoyed by some of the people around me today and this is going to make me feel/sound old: millennials. I was enjoying my day, relaxing, listening to music, reading and enjoying the day. Then several millennials situate themselves near me. They proceed to start taking all kinds of selfies and keep their noses into their phones, all while ignoring the beautiful day around us and their friends who sat just a foot from them. Literally, 90% of their time was focused on pics and phones, and I'm sure most of their pics wound up on Facebook, Instagram or one of those sites. Listen, I'm on those sites too but it just irks me to no end that people will take so much time from the actual experience in order to focus on their posts, so they "look" like they are doing so much with their lives. At the end of their lives, what will they have to show? Social media posts at a party, at the the beach, at some random event where they are someone to be envied. But what did they actually DO with their lives? I truly find it so sad that this is where we are in this day and age. That self worth for many people is found through social media.
I know this is just how things are in this day and age and I just find it sad it's come to this for the young generation. And the irony is not lost on me that you could easily substitute alcohol or drugs for social media and phones, all with the same result. I did take some self satisfaction that I enjoyed the day for what it was and didn't feel the need to post every bit of minutia so someone could comment or like.
At any rate, I've finally been able to relax over the last few days, and for that I'm grateful. I really needed this downtime. I know I need to do more of this to keep myself from a perpetual state of stress. The stuff I've needed to deal with is above and beyond the normal, daily stresses of life. I know things may very well get even more intense in the future. And I know I must remember not to internalize everything (I'm really good at that).
At any rate, I'm grateful for the chance to decompress, even if for a short while. I truly needed it,
I found myself getting annoyed by some of the people around me today and this is going to make me feel/sound old: millennials. I was enjoying my day, relaxing, listening to music, reading and enjoying the day. Then several millennials situate themselves near me. They proceed to start taking all kinds of selfies and keep their noses into their phones, all while ignoring the beautiful day around us and their friends who sat just a foot from them. Literally, 90% of their time was focused on pics and phones, and I'm sure most of their pics wound up on Facebook, Instagram or one of those sites. Listen, I'm on those sites too but it just irks me to no end that people will take so much time from the actual experience in order to focus on their posts, so they "look" like they are doing so much with their lives. At the end of their lives, what will they have to show? Social media posts at a party, at the the beach, at some random event where they are someone to be envied. But what did they actually DO with their lives? I truly find it so sad that this is where we are in this day and age. That self worth for many people is found through social media.
I know this is just how things are in this day and age and I just find it sad it's come to this for the young generation. And the irony is not lost on me that you could easily substitute alcohol or drugs for social media and phones, all with the same result. I did take some self satisfaction that I enjoyed the day for what it was and didn't feel the need to post every bit of minutia so someone could comment or like.
At any rate, I've finally been able to relax over the last few days, and for that I'm grateful. I really needed this downtime. I know I need to do more of this to keep myself from a perpetual state of stress. The stuff I've needed to deal with is above and beyond the normal, daily stresses of life. I know things may very well get even more intense in the future. And I know I must remember not to internalize everything (I'm really good at that).
At any rate, I'm grateful for the chance to decompress, even if for a short while. I truly needed it,
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
My refrain has long been millenials suck. Not all of course, and I have some friends I adore but working with them has been the stereotypical cycle of frustration. Plus being at the tail ended of Gen X, the next couple gens or this seemingly endless parade of Millenials baffle me in many ways.
Anyhoo. I was irritable at everyone at first and/or in waves, so no demographic was safe. The human race- and one notable day, the sun, for shining too brightly- made me angry. That was not a "them' issue
Keep going friend.
Anyhoo. I was irritable at everyone at first and/or in waves, so no demographic was safe. The human race- and one notable day, the sun, for shining too brightly- made me angry. That was not a "them' issue
Keep going friend.
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