I just found out my brother died and I really want to drink
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I wish I had the perfect words of wisdom to help ease your pain.
Just know that there are people across the world who understand what you are going through and are thinking of you and your family with concern and empathy. Sending you prayers for strength and comfort.
This is heartbreaking news and I'm so sorry.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Just know that there are people across the world who understand what you are going through and are thinking of you and your family with concern and empathy. Sending you prayers for strength and comfort.
This is heartbreaking news and I'm so sorry.
Please let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 15
So sorry for your loss. I lost my brother a good few years ago suddenly and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was drinking at the time and I numbed the pain out by getting smashed all the time. I thought this was the best option, but it turns out that it made things worse.
Drinking just delayed the grief and prolonged the pain.
I had panic attacks because I never dealt with the grief sober, I had relationship problems because I delayed the grief - I was a total mess.
If I could go back ( obviously I wouldn't want to ) then I would not of used the booze to mask the pain.
The thing that helped me later on was the thought that my brother wouldn't of wanted me to be the way I was. He wouldn't of wanted me to spiral out of control and when I thought about it, this is what I would have wanted if I was to pass suddenly.
I would want my loved ones to carry on with their lives, yes be upset and grieve, but don't let if affect their lives for ever by using a substance to help them.
This will be a tough time for you and the best thing you can do is to continue sobriety - it will help you deal with the grief better and it's what your brother would have wanted for you.
Again, sorry for your loss..
Drinking just delayed the grief and prolonged the pain.
I had panic attacks because I never dealt with the grief sober, I had relationship problems because I delayed the grief - I was a total mess.
If I could go back ( obviously I wouldn't want to ) then I would not of used the booze to mask the pain.
The thing that helped me later on was the thought that my brother wouldn't of wanted me to be the way I was. He wouldn't of wanted me to spiral out of control and when I thought about it, this is what I would have wanted if I was to pass suddenly.
I would want my loved ones to carry on with their lives, yes be upset and grieve, but don't let if affect their lives for ever by using a substance to help them.
This will be a tough time for you and the best thing you can do is to continue sobriety - it will help you deal with the grief better and it's what your brother would have wanted for you.
Again, sorry for your loss..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
Prayers
My bro died at 42yo, alcohol- I watched him die. I drank and continued to- it did not help. The pain of grief is natural and has to be worked through- but not alone. There are community groups/support groups or SR or meetings or church or friends with coffee or counsellors- many ways to experience grief without booze.
My bro died at 42yo, alcohol- I watched him die. I drank and continued to- it did not help. The pain of grief is natural and has to be worked through- but not alone. There are community groups/support groups or SR or meetings or church or friends with coffee or counsellors- many ways to experience grief without booze.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,057
So sorry for your loss. And for your brother's loss of life.
Don't delay the grief, it is a natural painful healing process. Try your hardest to ignore all the old impulses to numb the pain. Your in shock and your thinking is muddled.
You don't want regret on top of the pain.
Kind thoughts.
Don't delay the grief, it is a natural painful healing process. Try your hardest to ignore all the old impulses to numb the pain. Your in shock and your thinking is muddled.
You don't want regret on top of the pain.
Kind thoughts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'm sorry for your loss, Numblady. It's hard to bear such a loss and almost harder to comprehend the finality of it. But you can endure this, and your kids need you. Remember, no matter how bad things are drinking will make them even worse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,908
Thank you everybody for the kind words. It really does help. Doing okay today...wee have a long day of travel to occupy our minds I suppose. Still sober and planning to stay that way...but will plan to come back here in moments of weakness. I really do thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 251
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Of course you are wanting to numb these painful feelings, but all it would do would pro long the necessary grieving process we all must go through.
Do your brother proud!
Do your brother proud!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm sorry for the death of your brother and I'm glad that you didn't drink. It won't help and would make things worse.
When my father was facing severe health issues, I thought to myself "if dad dies, no one would blame me for drinking." It was scary that I was making his illness an excuse for me drinking. I decided that he wouldn't want me to and I could be there for him sober. He's doing well now.
If I might suggest, check in here regularly, not just if you start feeling yourself getting into trouble. Head it off at the pass.
When my father was facing severe health issues, I thought to myself "if dad dies, no one would blame me for drinking." It was scary that I was making his illness an excuse for me drinking. I decided that he wouldn't want me to and I could be there for him sober. He's doing well now.
If I might suggest, check in here regularly, not just if you start feeling yourself getting into trouble. Head it off at the pass.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,964
((((Numblady))))). Just wanted you to know you have been in my thoughts today. I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. I can’t offer more than what others have posted, other than validation. I am glad you got through today. I know you can get through this. You are strong!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 984
I am so sorry for your loss and pain, NL. I am sorry that I had not seen this awful news until today - we are all here for you to support you in your sobriety and your grief processing through this terrible time. Stay strong 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
My dear friend,
I am so very sorry to hear this news. What strength you have to come right here and share your desire to drink with the people who know EXACTLY how that desire works at times of challenge and tragedy.
My husband’s death marked the start of my slide into heavy drinking, it wasn’t any kind of escape and grief just waited for me to sober up and would hit me twice as hard in a cycle it took me years to get out of.
Your accomplishments to get and stay sober have been so impressive, the impulse to drink is powerful, but also beatable, just hang in there - it will pass.
The advice I was given with grief is not to try to stand against it like a person standing in the sea trying not to let a wave knock them over, instead flow with it, let the emotions wash over you and lean into them. Sooner or later the grief wave gets to strong and will knock a person over sending them tumbling, but if you flow with it instead eventually you get safely back to shore.
Alcohol got in the way of that for me, it did not help at all and I got bowled by grief again and again. Please trust what you already know about staying sober in adversity.
Thinking of you and your family - stay in touch when you can
I am so very sorry to hear this news. What strength you have to come right here and share your desire to drink with the people who know EXACTLY how that desire works at times of challenge and tragedy.
My husband’s death marked the start of my slide into heavy drinking, it wasn’t any kind of escape and grief just waited for me to sober up and would hit me twice as hard in a cycle it took me years to get out of.
Your accomplishments to get and stay sober have been so impressive, the impulse to drink is powerful, but also beatable, just hang in there - it will pass.
The advice I was given with grief is not to try to stand against it like a person standing in the sea trying not to let a wave knock them over, instead flow with it, let the emotions wash over you and lean into them. Sooner or later the grief wave gets to strong and will knock a person over sending them tumbling, but if you flow with it instead eventually you get safely back to shore.
Alcohol got in the way of that for me, it did not help at all and I got bowled by grief again and again. Please trust what you already know about staying sober in adversity.
Thinking of you and your family - stay in touch when you can
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
to be depedent on mood alternating substance is one of the hardest things a human being can do. it is not easy the control to try to stop bad things from happening the costs hate and self loading the hopeless then void its asad pit you really don't want all these things to the normal sadness of losing someone it is a bad recipe an excuse.
we are all going to die it is probably the safest and the happiest thing. don't drink please he is i abetter place now he is free. i really want to be free of my alcoholism it is like a chain around my neck.
we are all going to die it is probably the safest and the happiest thing. don't drink please he is i abetter place now he is free. i really want to be free of my alcoholism it is like a chain around my neck.
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