The bottom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
The bottom
I think this is day 66 and I’ve been off the suboxone since Friday Today has been one of the hardest days of my life.
I had a complete breakdown. I’ve never cried so hard since I was a child. I’m a man in my 30’s and I’m snivelling like a baby. I cried all afternoon. I forced myself to go to an aa meeting but I got the time wrong and showed up 15 minutes late. I got the dirtiest looks climbing over people to the one empty chair in the back where I couldn’t even see or hear anything anyway. It took everything I had to keep it together, I was inches from bursting into tears the entire time. I left at the interval. I couldn’t face going home so I just walked the dark residential streets for a bit, crying the whole time. I kept telling myself ‘it’s the addiction it wants you back’ ‘it’s the addiction making you this way’ I’m back home now in my dark basement. I’ve honestly never felt as lonely in my whole life as I do now. I’m staring at my phone trying to think of someone I know that I can call, just to hear someone else’s voice. I don’t want to talk to someone I don’t know but I can’t think of anyone to call. I just can’t see a point in going on. I never thought it would be this hard.
I had a complete breakdown. I’ve never cried so hard since I was a child. I’m a man in my 30’s and I’m snivelling like a baby. I cried all afternoon. I forced myself to go to an aa meeting but I got the time wrong and showed up 15 minutes late. I got the dirtiest looks climbing over people to the one empty chair in the back where I couldn’t even see or hear anything anyway. It took everything I had to keep it together, I was inches from bursting into tears the entire time. I left at the interval. I couldn’t face going home so I just walked the dark residential streets for a bit, crying the whole time. I kept telling myself ‘it’s the addiction it wants you back’ ‘it’s the addiction making you this way’ I’m back home now in my dark basement. I’ve honestly never felt as lonely in my whole life as I do now. I’m staring at my phone trying to think of someone I know that I can call, just to hear someone else’s voice. I don’t want to talk to someone I don’t know but I can’t think of anyone to call. I just can’t see a point in going on. I never thought it would be this hard.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I'm sorry things are so hard for you today. I don't have personal experience with suboxone, but I understand that it's very difficult to stop. I hope that you can do whatever it takes to get through the rest of the evening, and have hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
Hi Pete...Do you think cutting the Suboxone sent you over the edge? Maybe you cut it too quickly? Is it prescribed by a Dr? You shouldn't have to feel this terrible...I was sad reading your post....
The first few days of any withdrawal send people into a depression in which they think they will never return from.
My thoughts are with you and I want you to know that this will pass if you keep the drugs and everything else DOWN for at least a few more days....I would think you would start to feel relief....>I know the first few days are hell.....and I'm sorry you are suffering.
You are not alone...people here including ME know exactly how lonely and crazy you feel.....your not either of those things....your mind is tricking you to think that you are....You may be lonely...but maybe the next meeting you will get to on time and meet some new people....I have showed up late many times to meetings and NOT gone in and just felt stupid...I give you a TON of credit for even going in.
The first few days of any withdrawal send people into a depression in which they think they will never return from.
My thoughts are with you and I want you to know that this will pass if you keep the drugs and everything else DOWN for at least a few more days....I would think you would start to feel relief....>I know the first few days are hell.....and I'm sorry you are suffering.
You are not alone...people here including ME know exactly how lonely and crazy you feel.....your not either of those things....your mind is tricking you to think that you are....You may be lonely...but maybe the next meeting you will get to on time and meet some new people....I have showed up late many times to meetings and NOT gone in and just felt stupid...I give you a TON of credit for even going in.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I read you first post and you were into booze.
Then the Dr. gave you suboxone?
Did you mix booze and the meds?
I heard the half life of meds is much longer than booze.
I suffered like hell.
It gave me ptsd.
That is fine. It has kept me scared long enough to get some decent sober muscles.
Thanks.
Then the Dr. gave you suboxone?
Did you mix booze and the meds?
I heard the half life of meds is much longer than booze.
I suffered like hell.
It gave me ptsd.
That is fine. It has kept me scared long enough to get some decent sober muscles.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
This **** is not for the faint of heart. Sobriety can be agonizing. Life can be absolutely agonizing. But I choose to believe we are paying our dues and that if we can push through these incredibly hard times, we’re going to be better, and wiser and most importantly stronger for it. I have cried so damn much this year. And when I wasn’t crying I was choking back the tears. We are trying to learn now what we should have learned years or even decades ago, how to live this life sober. How to actually live with sadness and not run away to our pills or our bottles. It’s pretty staggering how hard just regular old life can be. But it’s like anything. We just need some practice at it. We can’t look at the short term. This is a long game. If we just look at today, we’d quit. It’s too hard. But as we piece together some days, as we live through another rough day, we’re building the strength to know that we can get through the next hard day. So just hang in there. And pick up that phone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
I have a problem with alcohol and drugs. The suboxone was prescribed when I came off opiates. I’ve been taking the suboxone as directed by my doctor until a few days ago. I’m on anti depressants at the moment but I don’t really feel any different. I’m telling myself it’s just the suboxone withdrawal. I pulled the plug on 10mgs a day. If i believe these feelings are just artificial and a consequence of the withdrawal, they seem to lose their power. But it’s harder than I ever imagined.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,973
I am so sorry it’s so hard right now, Pete! I have been through some very dark times both while drinking and sobering up. I have also felt very alone, both in drinking, and at times in sobriety. If you feel there is no one you can call at this time (I have been there), I hope you will lean here on SR. There are so many people going through similar pain, and know that you are not alone. Everyone is here to help each other through this.
I hope you will also talk to your doctor about adjusting your medications? Also, have you considered therapy? It helped me so much
I hope you will also talk to your doctor about adjusting your medications? Also, have you considered therapy? It helped me so much
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Originally Posted by Pete6256 
I have a problem with alcohol and drugs. The suboxone was prescribed when I came off opiates. I’ve been taking the suboxone as directed by my doctor until a few days ago. I’m on anti depressants at the moment but I don’t really feel any different. I’m telling myself it’s just the suboxone withdrawal. I pulled the plug on 10mgs a day. If i believe these feelings are just artificial and a consequence of the withdrawal, they seem to lose their power. But it’s harder than I ever imagined.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by least
I hope you start feeling better soon. 
If you don't feel better, maybe see your doctor.
If you don't feel better, maybe see your doctor.Agreed.
p.s., Least, I just got it. Bona "Fido" (like the dog, not Latin Fide). Oh my.
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