Tinkerbeau

Why can't i beat this

August252015

What happened, Tinkerbeau?

Tinkerbeau

Same stupid story, drank again, im so unhappy

August252015

I'm sorry to hear it - what are your plans TODAY? I'm not sure where you are- here it is early AM EST.

You know what we will say - get rid of anything you have now, don't drink today, and begin a plan for getting sober for good this time.

Glad you made it back.

SoberRican

No worries. Dust your knees off and keep plugging away. You got this. One day at a time. ✌

Tinkerbeau

I just wish i could change my life, i got no friends not one, not one person i could ring and say lets go for a coffee and a chat. I tried to befriend someone i went to school with but he made me feel so worthless said he wanted to c me but never made plans or when he did never followed though. Im.a single parent and i adore my son, my ex left us 7 years ago then died this year. It is always just been 2 of us. I help my mam and dad alot as my dad had a stroke 20 months ago and has been very ill he can't talk anymore. I just find it all too much some days and want to hide from the world, yet on other hand im desperate for friends and support. Im lost

Dee74

Are you still unsure about the idea of AA or some other meeting based approach TB?

might be a way to meet people as well as help you build a support system you can call on?

D

Tinkerbeau

I think because i feel so socially isolated and anxious the thought of meetings really scares me, stupid i know

2muchpain

I agree with Dee. Going to the AA meetings might help you to not feel so alone. It would give you the chance to maybe connect with other women to hang out with. John

D122y

I relate. i am in a 2 week vacation. Yesterday was the first day. The thought of drinking ran through my head several times.

It will always do that.

I had to roll the tape and think about how far i came and what awaits me if i relapse.

I have never been this clean. I just woke up after about 6 solid hours of sleep.

I have been sleeping better and better over the years. I know drinking will erase this.

All of the social issues are there for me as well. All of the problems can be erased temporarily by drinking.

Now, after all this clean time, i get happy for noreason. It took a long long med free time to stabilize in this state.

I know i must suffer at times. It is life.

Thanks.

Zebra1275

I think because i feel so socially isolated and anxious the thought of meetings really scares me

Well, if you don't change that, then nothing will change for you.

Go to AA

CupofJoe

Hi Tinkerbeau,

Sorry you're suffering. Social anxiety is not stupid, so please be gentle on yourself. I suffered for years (and still sometimes struggle). Getting sober and therapy helped me a lot.

One thing my mind did was blow things way out of proportion--especially when I'd been drinking. Going to a meeting was always much, much better than I anticipated.

Plus, I'm sure there are others in AA who have the same fears.

Why not go and just check it out? You don't even have to talk if you don't want to. People will understand.

It might help you feel less lonely.

Hope your day is better today.

doggonecarl

I could be wrong, but I suspect you are not doing the things you need to get sober, not making the changes in your life to support your decision to quit drinking, nor working on the skills you need to soberly cope with what life throws at you.

None of these are insurmountable...but it takes you doing them.

CRRHCC

Life is hard. One way we regain control of our circumstances is with the quick fix or mood changer of alcohol. We do so do regain control over feeling overwhelmed, helpless, powerless and out of control. It's the overwhelming feelings of helplessness that trigger the drinking.

Addictions are really about Trigger-Behavior-Reward.
If you truly didn’t want to do something, then you wouldn’t do it. You are driven to always pursue happiness; everyone is.
We are driven to find control over our emotions. This requires, "Thinking," not listening to our feelings. The only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change than in the using. You must reach that conclusion yourself because, as Aristotle said, “We desire in accordance with our deliberation.

There are other healthy ways to regain control over our emotions, our feeling helpless and trapped. It’s not easy, of course. We all need to work on empowering behaviors that help us escape the trap of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control. Find something that works for you, that is of high value for you. This forum, music, exercise, journaling, God, what ever it takes. Find a healthy behavior that empowers you! Repeat that healthy behavior because neurons that fire together, wire together. Where attention goes, neuro-firing flows and neuroconnections grow.

When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction; there is inner peace.

Matthew 11:28-30: 28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am [a]gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. No one would deny that life is full of adversity. We can’t control our circumstances, but we can control how we think about our circumstances and how we respond.

FitNonDrinker

Tinker the best place to find sober "friends" would be to seek out AA or another meeting of like minded people. They aren't coming to find you, you have to make the first step.

Imagine your son 7 years from now, what do you want him to remember?

Rooting for you! You can do it!

BeABetterMan

2muchpain

Not stupid at all. I can relate. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Being isolated in a way becomes a comfortable place to be even though you don't like it and know it's not a healthy place to be. It's very scary to move beyond a comfortable yet unhealthy situation and find the strength to take a chance on trying something different. Maybe look at it this way. You have nothing to lose by trying something different. The worst thing that can happen is that you try AA for a few meetings and see if it works for you. Just sit in the back of the meetings and listen to what people say. I would suggest going to a speaker meeting. They are less intimating. Nobody will call on you to say anything. Just walk in, listen to the speaker and leave. Nice way to get to know AA and eventually ease in to going to regular meetings and hopefully meet some people. John

2muchpain

I respect your opinion, but walking into an AA meeting is not as easy as you make it sound for some people. A lot of people have issues that make this tough. Sure, some people just come up with excuses to not go to meetings, but there are others that truly have personal problems that make it really hard to do this. I'm talking about serious problems, not excuses. John

ColoradoRocky

You said, "Why can't i beat this" then filled in some details.

Here might be something to think about. Living the life of a friendless, helpless, abandoned single mom who doesn't understand what's happening has powerful advantages. Very powerful.

One advantage is that it makes it okay to drink because life is difficult, I can't stop myself, it's too much for me, and, since I have no friends, there's no one to remind me of how to change.

Another advantage is that if I'm helpless and don't understand what's going on, then I can't be expected to take personal responsibility for myself or my actions. After all, it's all too much for me and I don't understand it anyway.

This will sound strange, but playing the helpless victim is a very empowering, controlling behavior that allows you to support a safe, known, rigid way of life (and drink a lot, by the way).

And we all know the best way to control friends is not to have any.

It will take a lot for you to get up, go to and Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, grab a cup of coffee, and talk to someone after the meeting who seems to have their act together.

Or you could take that first step out into a new life.

ThatWasTheOldMe

When you have alcoholism, it messes with your brain. Baseline - when you're sober, you probably have much more anxiety than someone that doesn't have alcoholism.

Alcohol is an instant fix for anxiety - except, it makes it worse when you come down because ethanol mimics neurotransmitters in the brain associated with relaxation. As your liver eliminates it, your central nervous system is still in "fight these relaxation chemicals" mode - and you feel like you're constantly in fight or flight mode.

It's not your fault. It's mostly the result of evolution - our ancestors ate rotting fruit for sustenance. Introducing ethanol into the system had an enormous effect on the evolution of the human brain and central nervous system. Over thousands of generations, some individuals just really couldn't exist normally without ethanol.