Do you talk to your spouse/significant other
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 73
Thanks everyone. Yes I’m aware of the health consequences. And I’m afraid I see early signs of some of them. I work in the health care field.
i have told him if he chooses recovery, I won’t drink either. I’ve asked him how I can help. And I never ever offer him a drink. I usually don’t drink with him.
He would say in the beginning “I’m a mess, and I’m not stupid enough to loose you over the drinking. But that changed into him saying things like booze is a part of me and I won’t change my lifestyle for you.”
In the end this is up to him. I guess all I can say is I love you...
i have told him if he chooses recovery, I won’t drink either. I’ve asked him how I can help. And I never ever offer him a drink. I usually don’t drink with him.
He would say in the beginning “I’m a mess, and I’m not stupid enough to loose you over the drinking. But that changed into him saying things like booze is a part of me and I won’t change my lifestyle for you.”
In the end this is up to him. I guess all I can say is I love you...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by ThatWasTheOldMe 
Chance,
I just wanted to share that the likely reason you needed someone to talk to a lot more in the early days is alcohol severely messes with your brain chemistry - it's a small molecule, so it easily gets past the blood-brain barrier - C2H5OH - compare that to any opioid or really any other drug of abuse. Combine that with the way it interacts with your brain's reward system and neurotransmitters associated with calmness, and it's no surprise that you wanted to jump out of your skin in the early days.
I use "you" as the royal you. It very much applies to me.
Also, your wife must be more than happy with you sober rather than checking out or just going ******* crazy drunk.
I just wanted to share that the likely reason you needed someone to talk to a lot more in the early days is alcohol severely messes with your brain chemistry - it's a small molecule, so it easily gets past the blood-brain barrier - C2H5OH - compare that to any opioid or really any other drug of abuse. Combine that with the way it interacts with your brain's reward system and neurotransmitters associated with calmness, and it's no surprise that you wanted to jump out of your skin in the early days.
I use "you" as the royal you. It very much applies to me.
Also, your wife must be more than happy with you sober rather than checking out or just going ******* crazy drunk.
No need to clarify on the "you/we" thing - I get it
I think my wife is very grateful to have me clean & sober today, just as I am to have her clean & sober - we are not perfect, but we are better versions of ourselves when not under the influence.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by FitDrinker
I finally told my husband (again, did it 3 years ago and he assured me I was ok) that I want to stop drinking. I find it hard to tell him everything I'm thinking.
Do any of you talk openly about the things you post here, or the steps and plans you have for not drinking? I don't feel comfortable at this point telling him everything I'm thinking. Like how my AV is talking to me here and there... and how when i see someone at the store buying alcohol I'm laser focused on them.... and how I'm not wanting to be around anyone drinking right now b/c this is all so new.
I sent him an email with all the excruciating details about why I can never drink again and how it makes me hate myself, but doing it daily in person would make me uncomfortable. And it's not really HIS problem, he drinks occasionally and is looking forward to football season. Im not
Do any of you talk openly about the things you post here, or the steps and plans you have for not drinking? I don't feel comfortable at this point telling him everything I'm thinking. Like how my AV is talking to me here and there... and how when i see someone at the store buying alcohol I'm laser focused on them.... and how I'm not wanting to be around anyone drinking right now b/c this is all so new.
I sent him an email with all the excruciating details about why I can never drink again and how it makes me hate myself, but doing it daily in person would make me uncomfortable. And it's not really HIS problem, he drinks occasionally and is looking forward to football season. Im not
It wasn’t always that way. For years he didn’t like me getting sober because he lost his fun party girl.
Until I became paranoid, deeply alcoholic with 24/7 benders, day and night drinking, histrionic, delusional, hostile, unpredictable and terrifying. And that was taking several days off the booze to work every week, too.
At that point he no longer wanted a fun party girl.
I didn’t quit for him, though. Him staying was a side effect of me getting myself back when I achieved sobriety.
Becoming a sane, thoughtful and loving woman again was a gift I gave to myself. My husband and children just happened to benefit from it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
I do not talk to my wife about anything related to me not drinking. She does not know I belong to this forum. She does not know I had 12 sessions of one on one addiction counseling. I have only on rare occasions discussed any cravings I may have had with her. She did notice I was watching a bunch of episodes of intervention early on. My wife still drinks so that may be one reason we don't talk about me not drinking much. I did suggest she quit drinking last week when she told me she had been feeling depressed. She declined to take my advice.
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