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questions about my fiancee's drinking

Old 08-28-2019, 01:55 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Fiance,
In addition to the great advice you have received here, I just wanted to point out...
When I first met her she had just come off a 3rd DUI, and had to be incarcerated for a year.
I have had four interventions with her where I said that she cannot drink during the day, and she agreed.
To me, these are pretty big red flags, and you are very right to be concerned. No matter what label might apply, there is a problem here and some really tough consequences did not lead to sobriety.
-bora
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:21 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 View Post
....
When I got sober for me, I realized he was not for me. We split.
...
DC
That's the other half of the coin, Fiance101. What happens if she stops drinking and she doesn't want anything to do with you? That's a very real possiblity, you know.
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:23 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Ha! I just realized I created a Yogi-ism. "Other half of the coin!" It's the other side of course!
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Old 08-28-2019, 02:25 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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It is never obvious I cannot tell that she has been drinking, and since the last intervention, when we do drink together it has not manifested itself in the same way that she used to be, very ornery and argumentative, so that has changed for the better and when she does have a few drinks with me in the evening there has never been any issue with her behavior as before.

i think perhaps you don't fully understand how alcoholism works. or very troubled problem drinking - which 3 DUIs definitely qualifies for. in order for her to not have problems resulting from drinking, she would need to NOT drink at all. ever. period.

it seems you want her to transform into a normal drinker and drink WITH you, just not to large amounts. that won't work long term. drinking WITH someone that you have intervened on FOUR times is enabling them to KEEP drinking. you can't have it both ways.

she is not a normal glass of wine with dinner type of drinker. alcohol is still very much her priority, and she is protecting and defending it by any means possible.
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