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Do you have people who don't like you sober?

Old 08-27-2019, 06:37 PM
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Do you have people who don't like you sober?

I had people not like me sober....It is the worst thing...

My actual KIDS did not like when I got sober back in 2005...because I was "paying attention" more...I also wasn't throwing money at them so they would go out of the house and leave me alone.

Some of my coworkers became jealous of me and my abilities because I was even MORE on the ball than usual.

My own Mother disliked me and the AA meetings...she said I spent way too much time with the "cult" and that it was ridiculous....and that if I was going to "waste" all that time I might as well drink anyway.

My husband at the time didn't like me sober because I stopped putting up with abuse..and actually asked him to leave after 22 years and I was one year sober.

I know there are people here who are happy about their sobriety and have people like this in their lives so I thought I would bring it up as I am talkative tonight....lol
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Old 08-27-2019, 06:53 PM
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I was a home alone drunk, so few knew of my problem. My kids and siblings are very glad I'm sober and let me know it.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I was a home alone drunk, so few knew of my problem. My kids and siblings are very glad I'm sober and let me know it.
Yes, that is a wonderful feeling..since my youngest son has gotten older and lives with me now...he is so HAPPY I am sober now....But I know my x boyfriend isn't so happy because we are not on the same wave length anymore...I miss him...but I can't do it.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:08 PM
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Depends what you mean - if you mean people found you humourless and no fun sober - I certainly experienced that for while; especially from Drinking buddies.

I have more fun now than I ever had as a drinker

If you mean people just plain flat out don't like me - that used to upset me greatly as a drinker and newly sober person...but it doesn't worry me anymore - my validation doesn't come from how others relate to me anymore.

D
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:08 PM
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I am not going to become a drunk again because my av is tricking me into it.

It will do and say anything.

I am sort of lucky because I still have anxiety at times when driving. That anxiety reminds me of the hell I felt the day I quit drinking and afterwards for well over a year.

If I didn't have that lasting anxiety, I would risk relapse more.

Thanks.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Depends what you mean - if you mean people found you humourless and no fun sober - I certainly experienced that for while; especially from Drinking buddies.

I have more fun now than I ever had as a drinker

If you mean people just plain flat out don't like me - that used to upset me greatly as a drinker and newly sober person...but it doesn't worry me anymore - my validation doesn't come from how others relate to me anymore.

D
Its a good place to be when your validation doesn't come from others...I'm getting there and that is something I have been working on for 5 years..drunk or sober...I have to reassure myself I don't need others to validate how I feel...but sober I am getting there quicker
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:18 PM
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Originally Posted by D122y View Post
I am not going to become a drunk again because my av is tricking me into it.

It will do and say anything.

I am sort of lucky because I still have anxiety at times when driving. That anxiety reminds me of the hell I felt the day I quit drinking and afterwards for well over a year.

If I didn't have that lasting anxiety, I would risk relapse more.

Thanks.
"I'm not going to become a drunk again" ….I LIKE THAT.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:45 PM
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I have terrible problems with driving. And Im actually a good driver. I started driking when I realized I was having problems going too far ftom house.

I was never that "likeable" due to childhood trauma.

People really never knew I was suffering UNTIL I started drinking.



Maybe that was the whole point. A cry for help.

And I was contantly needing validation. I hated that and I never knew why.
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Old 08-27-2019, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Misssy2 View Post
I had people not like me sober....It is the worst thing...
Actually it sounds to me like the best thing, not the worst! I admire you for the way you straightened your relationships out.

Quitting drinking is one thing; getting your act together is another.
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Old 08-28-2019, 03:49 AM
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Your kids 'liked' you less because you were paying attention
You ended an abusive relationship
You took your own path and decisions independently of your mother's judgment

You became a better mother, an independent adult woman, just not drinking? I know for us not drinking is massive. But, 20 years ago I would have signed anywhere for this path into maturity and wise decisions.

People didn't like you less. You liked yourself more. Reading your post was a great motivation for me this morning.
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Old 08-28-2019, 04:38 AM
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Nope.

At least, I wouldn't know if they do because I don't spend time with jerks. Which is exactly what someone who in any way dislikes, disparages, mocks, etc my sobriety.

Simple.
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Misssy2 View Post
I had people not like me sober....It is the worst thing...
it reads like it was the worse thing for the people around you. sober missy isnt a doormat and doesnt allow unacceptable behavior-

now, do i have people that dont like me sober? probably- but i havent spoken to those old drinking friends in many years to find out.
im sure some people in my life dont like that i stand up for myself, but if they dont like me for that then thats their problem.
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:39 AM
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Do you have people who don't like you sober?

The chap who owns the pub just down the road. His profits have gone right down!
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:41 AM
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My ex husband and I BOTH had a problem.

I tried to straighten us BOTH out.

He went back to his first wife who doesnt mind the drinking and pills.
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:44 AM
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People are afraid of change, even if it is not them changing, the change around them scares them.
That is on them. Nothing we can do.

Every time I tried to get sober (i didnt try very hard) I would have "friends" ask me when I was going to drink again, they missed the fun me... Well, all those relationships are now gone. No loss here.

My partner at the time missed his drinking buddy, just not the wasted me.
My mom didn't like how I put up boundaries with her, she blamed me for holding my son from her when it was her addiction holding her back.

My son had no idea what was going on as he was too young.

My true friends and family have shown nothing but support and are proud of me. They all say that I am the strongest person they know.
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Old 08-28-2019, 05:47 AM
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Well husband is gone right so that's a non issue.

Kids are ok with it now so that's non issue.

Work? I personally wouldn't tell anyone at work about my issues unless absolutely necessary, and if they are threatened by me because I'm now such a sober bad ass that's on them. But, I might check myself a little and see if maybe my ego is getting ahead of me?

Parents? Occasionally I hear stories of how parents support their adult children, and it works. But often times parents are part of the problem, not the solution. Not because they are bad, but they are human. I would never involve my parents in this journey, really never have. I mean, when I was drunk, years ago, I would get ugly with them because of my rather disturbing childhood. I'd blame them. Play the victim. But that got me know where other than more drunk. So I grew up. I leave them out of it.

Anyone else? Its none of their business.
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Old 08-28-2019, 07:14 AM
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Have you ever heard of the term "crabs in a bucket"?

Crab fishermen keep their catch in an open bucket. They don't need to cover it because the crab are all moving around, if one nearly escapes the others will drag it back down into the bucket. It's a metaphor for society and how people in your circles will try to bring you down if you start improving yourself.

This was one of those things I had heard about in the past but was genuinely shocked to experience in the flesh. This was the evolution of my sobriety as it relates to a lot of old friends:

1) Virtue signaling BS - "That is great that you quit drinking WTN. Let us know if there is anything we can do to support you. Call us if you feel like you're slipping."

2) Slight worry when they realize I'm committed - "So...umm...you're still doing the not drinking thing?"

3) Quiet simmering resentment as I'm progressing in my sobriety and life goals while they are still on the treadmill of an empty life

I cut them all out of my life and never looked back.
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Old 08-28-2019, 07:36 AM
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Yes, I have people that are either obviously disappointed, actually say that I am no fun anymore, or find me difficult to talk to/a bit uptight.

The ones that spring immediately to mind are my mother in law, my best mate, some of my friends and neighbours, my son.

Mainly I don't mind very much as I know that
a) they will get used to it
b) they do love me
c) I will loosen up with time (I know this from when I have stopped other addictions in the past).
d) change is difficult for everyone in the beginning

The only thing that I find really painful is that my relationship with my adult son is strained when I am not drinking. There is a lot of painful history.

There are people that like me better when I am not drinking too. Namely my staff and my husband. I am better humoured, more relaxed with them and generally less irritable to be around.
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:01 AM
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I guess my friends sometimes find me more difficult to deal with socially. Depends on the day but in sobriety I am more touchy, more humourless and find it difficult to suffer fools. I try to hide it as much as I can as I realise that it is me that is changing and not them.
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:07 PM
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Yes, probably. But I don't care. That's the difference. I don't please everyone to my own detriment anymore. That might make some people like me less. Oh well. I'm not a B*tch about it, I treat people fairly and do lots of things for others, when I can and want to. I just don't bend over backwards and say yes to everything so that people will like me anymore.
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