The cycle continues
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 17
The cycle continues
Hi everyone,
I'm very much a "grey area" drinker, but one who has realized that life would be so much better if I simply quit. Right now I'm in a loop...a few days/weeks of sobriety and feeling good and then back to weeks of drinking 2-3 times a week and feeling tired and hopeless.
Much of it comes down to not wanting to change. I mean, giving up alcohol means changing everything: my identity, my hobbies and even some of my friends. It's a stupid example, but I can no longer be the person who likes IPAs or who is a fan of (insert whatever) brewery. It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
Anyways, I hope some of you can relate. I'm currently one day sober and wondering if anyone has any tips or advice!
I'm very much a "grey area" drinker, but one who has realized that life would be so much better if I simply quit. Right now I'm in a loop...a few days/weeks of sobriety and feeling good and then back to weeks of drinking 2-3 times a week and feeling tired and hopeless.
Much of it comes down to not wanting to change. I mean, giving up alcohol means changing everything: my identity, my hobbies and even some of my friends. It's a stupid example, but I can no longer be the person who likes IPAs or who is a fan of (insert whatever) brewery. It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
Anyways, I hope some of you can relate. I'm currently one day sober and wondering if anyone has any tips or advice!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
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Originally Posted by freshout 
I'm very much a "grey area" drinker
Is that what person who isn't ready to give up his drinking calls it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2019
Posts: 17
"Grey area drinking" is definitely a term. Just google it. It fits for me. In fact it might be easier to give up drinking if I had a clear rock bottom or got into trouble with the law or was confronted by friends/family. None of that has happened to me. While I'm NOT saying that people who have experienced any of those things have it easy, I do think it makes it very black and white.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 2,407
The book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about what you explain; basically most alcoholics could have stopped but there was still more legs in their drinking so they carried on until they either quit or killed themselves.
Knowing this you can choose to quit and stay stopped before you hit that place or indeed carry on and thus prove yourself the alcoholic that AA talks about.
Non alcoholics don’t question their drinking or visit sites for recovering alcoholics in my experience.
Knowing this you can choose to quit and stay stopped before you hit that place or indeed carry on and thus prove yourself the alcoholic that AA talks about.
Non alcoholics don’t question their drinking or visit sites for recovering alcoholics in my experience.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by freshout
"Grey area drinking" is definitely a term. Just google it. It fits for me. In fact it might be easier to give up drinking if I had a clear rock bottom or got into trouble with the law or was confronted by friends/family. None of that has happened to me. While I'm NOT saying that people who have experienced any of those things have it easy, I do think it makes it very black and white.
Well that's one way to twist it.
If you keep drinking I think you could just put "yet" at the end of this sentence:
a clear rock bottom or got into trouble with the law or was confronted by friends/family. None of that has happened to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 210
Originally Posted by freshout
Hi everyone,
It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
What kind of things did you do back then? Maybe time to start doing them again? ie, gym, walking, cooking, mechanics, diy, woodwork, metalwork, painting, writing, musical instrument ... etc etc etc
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
Freshout, I hear you.
My pattern has been much like yours. Congratulations on finding your way here and starting over.
My top tip would be to stop thinking about what you are giving up. It is not such a biggie. I told myself that my identity was wrapped up in that stuff too but it is nonsense. I am much more than that.
Maybe have a read of some of the AVRT stuff on here.
I haven't changed much at all. I just don't drink anymore.
Welcome.
My pattern has been much like yours. Congratulations on finding your way here and starting over.
My top tip would be to stop thinking about what you are giving up. It is not such a biggie. I told myself that my identity was wrapped up in that stuff too but it is nonsense. I am much more than that.
Maybe have a read of some of the AVRT stuff on here.
I haven't changed much at all. I just don't drink anymore.
Welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by freshout
...I mean, giving up alcohol means changing everything: my identity, my hobbies and even some of my friends. ...
I don't know about you, but who I am has nothing to do with drinking.
I sponsored a guy in AA once who used to have a pithy little saying about social events: "No beer, no Bob." That's frightening.
Are you questioning whether you can control/moderate your drinking? If you aren't sure, why not go 90 days without a drink and find out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
I don't think there is a problem with changing up hobbies when one is bored with the current one.
There is no problem stopping the alcohol when it becomes a problem.
There is no problem being sober
There is no problem with losing friends.
The only problem is those problems that are created while drinking and doing what you do not want to do.
My opinion and my look on my sobriety
There is no problem stopping the alcohol when it becomes a problem.
There is no problem being sober
There is no problem with losing friends.
The only problem is those problems that are created while drinking and doing what you do not want to do.
My opinion and my look on my sobriety
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I can relate perfectly to what you say. I live in the heart of Sonoma county, California where things like IPAs and Zinfandel are a staple. It almost seems like a waste not to be a part of that, yet that very thing is causing me to waste away my life.
Can't give much advice, as I find myself going through what you are. My seven month stretch came to a close a couple weeks ago. I've been trying to sow a new identity as fast as I can but alcohol left such a huge void, it's difficult to find new things fast enough. I feel like it's a race against time.
You're not at all alone.
Can't give much advice, as I find myself going through what you are. My seven month stretch came to a close a couple weeks ago. I've been trying to sow a new identity as fast as I can but alcohol left such a huge void, it's difficult to find new things fast enough. I feel like it's a race against time.
You're not at all alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,278
Hi Fresh. I have a book recommendation for you if you are talking about grey areas of drinking or alcoholism.
"Almost alcoholic - Is My (or My Loved One's) Drinking a Problem?"
It is about the grey area between being a "normal" social drinker and someone who is by societies standards a full blown alcoholic. It is a very interesting read, I haven't completely finished it yet but am really enjoying it.
I do feel that once you create the mechanism of using alcohol to mask emotion or help with stress then the pathway is laid down and whether you only have a couple of glasses at night it means that this coping tool is on hand when life gets a little hard, those couple of glasses can turn into 12 and there you find yourself an addict. This doesn't mean that it will happen but we can never say that it won't as it's happened to many people before, including myself.
"Almost alcoholic - Is My (or My Loved One's) Drinking a Problem?"
It is about the grey area between being a "normal" social drinker and someone who is by societies standards a full blown alcoholic. It is a very interesting read, I haven't completely finished it yet but am really enjoying it.
I do feel that once you create the mechanism of using alcohol to mask emotion or help with stress then the pathway is laid down and whether you only have a couple of glasses at night it means that this coping tool is on hand when life gets a little hard, those couple of glasses can turn into 12 and there you find yourself an addict. This doesn't mean that it will happen but we can never say that it won't as it's happened to many people before, including myself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Originally Posted by freshout
Hi everyone,
I'm very much a "grey area" drinker, but one who has realized that life would be so much better if I simply quit. Right now I'm in a loop...a few days/weeks of sobriety and feeling good and then back to weeks of drinking 2-3 times a week and feeling tired and hopeless.
Much of it comes down to not wanting to change. I mean, giving up alcohol means changing everything: my identity, my hobbies and even some of my friends. It's a stupid example, but I can no longer be the person who likes IPAs or who is a fan of (insert whatever) brewery. It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
Anyways, I hope some of you can relate. I'm currently one day sober and wondering if anyone has any tips or advice!
I'm very much a "grey area" drinker, but one who has realized that life would be so much better if I simply quit. Right now I'm in a loop...a few days/weeks of sobriety and feeling good and then back to weeks of drinking 2-3 times a week and feeling tired and hopeless.
Much of it comes down to not wanting to change. I mean, giving up alcohol means changing everything: my identity, my hobbies and even some of my friends. It's a stupid example, but I can no longer be the person who likes IPAs or who is a fan of (insert whatever) brewery. It's hard to suddenly give these things up because they've become such a part of who I am.
Anyways, I hope some of you can relate. I'm currently one day sober and wondering if anyone has any tips or advice!
I completely understand your question about how to remove alcohol from dominating our thoughts.
It was all I thought about for years.
I felt genuine allegiances to Anheuser Busch, Coors and Jack Daniels.
They were like family members, except that I thought of them much more than my family.
I would strong recommend that you choose and work a plan or program of recovery and that you not just try to get sober on your own.
For me, working the AA program and being around recovering people helped those foolish alcohol related thought eventually seem out like shrapnel making its way to the skin.
It doesn't happen overnight.
We're glad you're here with us, but we really want you to stay.
So please do some due diligence on selecting a plan and method for your recovery (i.e. get some help) to enhance your prospects.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Hi Freshout. I’ve never heard the term grey drinking but reading this thread sounds like where I was. I never had a catastrophic “rock bottom” and spent many years admiring my problem rather than doing something about it. I also had my personality grossly intertwined with alcohol. I felt that I couldn’t walk away from alcohol without losing my true self.
And i I was so, so wrong. I’m at 14 months sober now and have come to discover my true self - someone who is no longer intertwined with alcohol. I’ve rediscovered hobbies and activities that I enjoyed before I was overcome by alcohol. Sobriety brought me back to myself.
It it took me a leap of faith, and courage, to extract myself from that losing battle. I think you have the courage to do it too.
And i I was so, so wrong. I’m at 14 months sober now and have come to discover my true self - someone who is no longer intertwined with alcohol. I’ve rediscovered hobbies and activities that I enjoyed before I was overcome by alcohol. Sobriety brought me back to myself.
It it took me a leap of faith, and courage, to extract myself from that losing battle. I think you have the courage to do it too.
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