AV is really talking to me
AV is really talking to me
Just celebrated 30 days of sobriety and things have been going great but the last two days my AV has been growing louder. It really wants me to take a day (tonight) and get good and drunk and hang out and listen to some music on the back porch with my dogs. It was trigggered by a picture of us doing just that.
I know I can’t just drink one night. I know what it turns into, I know all the dumb/shameful things I’ll do. But I also know I can make it through today. Still, that voice is there and I’ve noticed it being unrelenting lately. It’s discouraging. No real point to my post, just sharing my struggle.
I know I can’t just drink one night. I know what it turns into, I know all the dumb/shameful things I’ll do. But I also know I can make it through today. Still, that voice is there and I’ve noticed it being unrelenting lately. It’s discouraging. No real point to my post, just sharing my struggle.
You need to get more than 30 days under your belt before that voice goes away. I remember you posting and asking for someone else, in their forties, who beat alcoholism. That's many of us here, including me. But you need to do the work and keep pushing through. Ignore the voice, it's not what your true self wants or needs. And it will fade with time if you do the work.
There is definitely a real point to your post. It is your soul talking to you in order to combat the AV. It may not be as loud and aggressive as the AV, but it resonates with a quiet truth and strength. Listen to it.
The AV is nothing more than a bunch of chattering monkeys in the zoo. Eat some popcorn. Take in the monkey exhibit. Be thankful they are on the other side of the guardrail. Move on to the next exhibit.
The AV is nothing more than a bunch of chattering monkeys in the zoo. Eat some popcorn. Take in the monkey exhibit. Be thankful they are on the other side of the guardrail. Move on to the next exhibit.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
This happens to me too BeABetterMan. I suspect the AV beastie tries to use those special dates and celebrations to try and reel me back in. It will use anything really but for me major achievements such as 30 days/100 days or a celebrating some particular victory such as having enjoyed a wedding AF seems to really ramp it up. Gets me worst than bad days. It is almost like it senses that I maybe have my guard down or plays the 'it's okay you have nailed this and you deserve a night off/treat' card.
Great AV recognition on your part! It is up and down like a roller coaster, I know.
Ps., huge congratulations on your 30 days!
Great AV recognition on your part! It is up and down like a roller coaster, I know.
Ps., huge congratulations on your 30 days!
Well I messed up after 30 days, and it shouldn't be, but always is astonishing how much you feel horribly bad in withdrawal. I almost wish I could bottle the feeling for the next time I think I can handle one drink.
Apart from that, if you're like me, you will be idealising the perfect concept of drinking. There is some high to it, no doubt why people get trapped in it, but it's just absurdly small in comparison to the illness. If we are high seekers, I'm going to get it through better, cleaner generally less awful ways. Exercise, meditation, train spotting, whatever the f else to be honest.
Apart from that, if you're like me, you will be idealising the perfect concept of drinking. There is some high to it, no doubt why people get trapped in it, but it's just absurdly small in comparison to the illness. If we are high seekers, I'm going to get it through better, cleaner generally less awful ways. Exercise, meditation, train spotting, whatever the f else to be honest.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 652
There is definitely a real point to your post. It is your soul talking to you in order to combat the AV. It may not be as loud and aggressive as the AV, but it resonates with a quiet truth and strength. Listen to it.
The AV is nothing more than a bunch of chattering monkeys in the zoo. Eat some popcorn. Take in the monkey exhibit. Be thankful they are on the other side of the guardrail. Move on to the next exhibit.
The AV is nothing more than a bunch of chattering monkeys in the zoo. Eat some popcorn. Take in the monkey exhibit. Be thankful they are on the other side of the guardrail. Move on to the next exhibit.
Thanks for sharing BeABetterMan. Just look at what your openness did here today! That horrid voice will become insignificant with time. I look forward to making the journey with you.
At 30 days your AV is bound to be active. Usually, it doesn't have to wait more that one day for another round of drinking, but now things a looking grim. This is where the AV switches from throwing a tantrum to telling you that you have done well, and that the both of you deserve a drink. Hang in there.
At 30 days your AV is bound to be active. Usually, it doesn't have to wait more than one day for another round of drinking, but now things a looking grim. This is where the AV switches from throwing a tantrum to telling you that you have done well, and that the both of you deserve a drink. Hang in there.
BetterMan,
Thanks for this thread..
The AV is a sneaky, conniving, malicious *insert strong word here.* It's only goal is to convince you that having "a drink" is a good idea; the only good idea, really. But you know better. which I think was the point of your post.
As long as you don't relinquish your power, you'll always be able to recognize that voice for what it is - hogwash. I'm fortunate at 3 weeks to not be experiencing this, yet. But I know it will be back and have no intention of fighting it. You remind me that my best response will be to say, "Oh there you are; I've been expecting you. Nope, I don't drink. Thanks for the suggestion (not); now be gone."
Thanks for this thread..
The AV is a sneaky, conniving, malicious *insert strong word here.* It's only goal is to convince you that having "a drink" is a good idea; the only good idea, really. But you know better. which I think was the point of your post.
As long as you don't relinquish your power, you'll always be able to recognize that voice for what it is - hogwash. I'm fortunate at 3 weeks to not be experiencing this, yet. But I know it will be back and have no intention of fighting it. You remind me that my best response will be to say, "Oh there you are; I've been expecting you. Nope, I don't drink. Thanks for the suggestion (not); now be gone."
It went well. No hangover today, no cops, nothing to be ashamed of and streak of sobriety still intact.
That AV is not joke. I have a tattoo on my body that says Cunning, baffling, powerful”. And it’s true.
Thank you everyone for your input.
That AV is not joke. I have a tattoo on my body that says Cunning, baffling, powerful”. And it’s true.
Thank you everyone for your input.
It went well. No hangover today, no cops, nothing to be ashamed of and streak of sobriety still intact.
My thoughts are just thoughts (AV included), nothing more. I can not control my thoughts but the paradox is when I stop trying to control my thoughts...I am no longer controlled by my thoughts.
Thanks for the share Beabetterman. Very similar thing happened to me at the weekend and I wasn't expecting the av to come from the angle it did i'm on 31 days now. Upto then it had been more tantrum style but at the weekend it felt like it was truly me wanting to have a drink and listen to music. I felt quite strong so sat with the thoughts for a while told myself if this isn't an addiction then it shouldn't bother me if I don't drink. A few hours later the av having not got what it wanted was throwing all sorts of trivial things at me again as reasons to drink it was actually funny to observe it. Thing is as well playing the tape forward as a gambling addict I know all too well what a win does to the addiction so the way I saw it was if I had decided to drink and really enjoyed it the av is back at full power. If I didn't enjoy it i'm going through more withdrawal for nothing. No positive outcome either way. Sorry to rant on your original post just resonated with my experience so much.
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