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Thoughts on AF wine and beer

Old 08-26-2019, 11:45 AM
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Thoughts on AF wine and beer

I'm 119 days sober.
I feel loads better mentally and physically and am slowly trying to rebuild a relationship with my girls and husband.

Very slowly my girls are speaking to me. My youngest daughter especially didn't want anything to do with me, but very slowly she is letting me in. I'm rebuilding my marriage too and got another job starting in November

I am going away in 4 weeks with big drinkers and I'm worried I'm not strong enough. I can't let them down, they are good friends but also family and it's cost us a lot of money.

They start drinking at lunch time and just carry on. Bottles of wine a day. I am trying to go prepared and wondered whether alcohol free wine in the evening may help? I've never tried the stuff.
I have plenty of books on audible, my husband is going to download stuff from amazon for me. I will check in here regularly. I am in a facebook chat that is supportive. I've got my husband to add me to the car hire so I can go out if I want, or we can go for a quiet meal. I don't mind him having a drink when we are out. I've also bought some nice bits of clothes etc to make myself feel better.
BUT my question is would AF free wine and beer be useful?

Also can I add anymore tools?
Thank you
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Old 08-26-2019, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Pinky1 View Post
I'm 119 days sober.
I feel loads better mentally and physically and am slowly trying to rebuild a relationship with my girls and husband.

Very slowly my girls are speaking to me.
My youngest daughter especially didn't want anything to do with me, but very slowly she is letting me in.
I'm rebuilding my marriage too and got another job starting in November

I am going away in 4 weeks with big drinkers and I'm worried I'm not strong enough. I can't let them down,
Please re-read what you have posted. Look at what you have gained over the last 119 days. And look at what you have got to lose.

You are worried about going and don't want to go but don't want to let them down. Maybe think if you do go you will be letting your husband and girls down. This is a great situation of looking at what really is important. Your friends opinion or you husband and children and what you have gained over the last few months.

I hope you put yourself, your sobriety and your family first. Saying no isn't selfish, it's self preservation.

and no I wouldn't drink AF beer or wine. I don't see the point, I don't like the taste, only drink for the effect.
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:00 PM
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I wouldn't go. And, yes, you can say No, and you can let them down. There are always choices, though some in early recovery are not easy. You can choose to take care of yourself and protect your hard-earned sobriety.
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:05 PM
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I would say 'no' to the AF beer/wine. I don't know about you, but I never drank for the taste, only for the effect.
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:11 PM
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I can recommend AF beer if you like the taste of beer. I am almost 6 months sober now and have been to many parties with drinkers and heavy drinkers where my fall back drink is AF beer. It worked. It will also help seeing that you have the car and can leave when things get too much. I have not been tempted once to try an alcoholic drink.
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Pinky1 View Post
BUT my question is would AF free wine and beer be useful?

I've known many people in AA who have re-started drinking and ruined their lives and/ or died this way.


Also can I add anymore tools?

helping others
gratitude lists
prayer/ meditation
ODAAT One Day At A Time
let go of resentment

and great job on 119!


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Old 08-26-2019, 12:14 PM
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since you have already stated you are not SURE you are strong enough for this mission, IMO trying to use any alcohol free beverage is a super slippery slope.

considering you do not drink anymore, i am wondering if this trip really fits with that new paradigm? if "they" are all big drinkers, and "they" drink all day, and you do not...............what's the point? sounds like a miserable way to spend my time and money............
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Old 08-26-2019, 12:33 PM
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If you HAVE to go (and be honest if this is something you want to do; you don't have to do anything you don't want to do)--then I'd recommend accepting deep down inside that you don't drink. Ever.

There are plenty of great non-alcoholic drinks out there that don't mimic alcohol. Diet and regular sodas, mineral water, juices, coffee, tea, coconut water, "virgin" drinks--lots of options!

I know people who drink n/a beverages, but for me, it's too close to the real thing. Why drink an imitation of something that was ruining your life? Why not move on?

I also wonder why you'd want to drink n/a wine or beer? Is it to please other people? To fit in? I'd really question my motives. One of the things that I'd recommend getting used to is the idea that you don't drink. And you don't owe an explanation to anyone.

My best wishes to you. If you go on the trip, I hope you have a wonderful time. But please don't get caught up in the drinkers' craziness! Who needs that??

Best wishes to you.

PS And congratulations on 119 days! That's great!
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Old 08-26-2019, 01:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Pinky1 View Post
I am trying to go prepared and wondered whether alcohol free wine in the evening may help?
AF wine to help you what?

Fit in with drinkers? Quell any cravings to drink you might have?
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Old 08-26-2019, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Pinky1 View Post
Also can I add anymore tools?
Thank you
yes-put you and your sobriety first and dont go. why? youre already thinking of drinking.reads like pre meditating a drunk.thats dangerous ground.
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Old 08-26-2019, 02:19 PM
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I fully agree with the others, you owe NO ONE an explanation.

Congratulations on your sobriety! Triple digits is a big deal. Something to be very proud of. Rebuilding your relationship with your children and your husband is HUGE. We don’t always get second chances in that. We certainly don’t get third, fourth chances to rebuild trust.

Your inquiry comes from a place of someone who seems to truly want recovery. Complete and total honesty is essential. With that in mind, do you feel this trip can compromise your sobriety? Going down that path again can easily take away all of your gains.

If the answer is yes, the question isn’t about na booze. It’s about going at all. And I wouldn’t. Not yet. Your sobriety is the most important thing. Without it you lose everything else that is meaningful.

As for na booze.... nah. It’s not a good replacement. The best replacement actual booze is to work a recovery plan. After a while, you just won’t care so much about a “replacement.” You’ll just not want booze.
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:10 PM
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I can not recommend that anyone pretend to be a drinker, which sounds to me is essentially what you want to try to do?

I did that too with NA beer - I chugged it like my mates were chugging real beer and all I did was get bloated.

I was knee deep in old drinking rituals and behaviors and didn't realise it.

After a while I got annoyed - annoyed that everyone else was getting drunk, loosening up, and seemed to be having a great time and annoyed I was stuck on this NA dishwater...from there all it took was the thought that maybe one glass will be ok.

If you're not sure about this trip and your solution is to pretend to be something you're not, I wouldn't go at this point in your recovery.

One day you'll be able to go and you'll proudly be the non drinker - but not yet.

Letting yourself down is even more important and crucial than letting others down Pinky1

protect and cherish that recovery

D
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:20 PM
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AF wine and beer taste even worse than the alcoholic ones and they have just as many calories. So, gross, fattening? What's the point?

You can't let them down? What about letting yourself down?

I wouldn't go. But that's just me.
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:41 PM
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My experience with AF beer was that once it became okay, it wasn't long until the real thing would be better. Giving myself permission to drink AF beer, cracked open the door to real beer and hell. And I always wound up kicking down the door once cracked opened.

During one of my experiences with AF beer, I got the brilliant? idea that I could alternate the real thing with the AF. If I drank two AF to one real beer, then I wouldn't get drunk.

The fact that I am sitting here at the keyboard, tells you how well that experiment turned out. :~)
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Old 08-26-2019, 03:44 PM
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Non-alcoholic wine/beer is for non-alcoholics.

'' 'no' might make them angry but it will make you free. if no one has ever told you, your freedom is more important than their anger''.

Nayyirah Waheed.

Congrats on your great progress in sobriety, Pinky, and strength and wisdom as you trek on.
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Old 08-26-2019, 04:31 PM
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If you go, I would plan activities for yourself that don't involve everyone else. Go see local sights or museums or parks. Take books to read or puzzles to build. I know for myself I wouldn't want to be around it all day. I would go golfing or hiking or something.
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Old 08-26-2019, 06:10 PM
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This topic is always controversial.

First off, do your friends know you’ve stopped drinking? I told my friends and explained why (I’d become dependent). They not only accepted my decision, they now watch my back. They drink a lot, but they accept I no longer drink. You need your friends to do the same.

I’m eight months sober and accept I won’t/can’t drink again. However, I drink alcohol free beer on occasions. For me, there’s no connection between it and the real thing. I can enjoy one can maybe every few days. That was never the way I behaved with real beer when I’d drink numerous cans daily.

I just had a two-week holiday, my first long one since I quit alcohol. Such a holiday before would’ve involved lots of alcohol so I was wondering how I’d feel, so much so that I packed a few cans of alcohol free, but in the end didn’t touch them.

It depends what stage you’re at. You said 119 days (well done), but do you still get an urges to drink? If so, you must tell your friends how you feel. I’d consider bringing some alcohol free beer as a safety net.
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Old 08-26-2019, 06:19 PM
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among other things, i was a crack head. even seeing that vaping crap on commercials gives me the heebee jeebees - those big huge plumes of grey blue smoke. i can't imagine trying crack light or NC rock.

part of addiction is the RITUAL. if we truly want to break free then we must eradicate the rituals. at least that is my take.
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Old 08-26-2019, 06:47 PM
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I have used non alcoholic beer to maintain my sobriety and get through cravings. Although I don’t really drink it much now.

When I do drink it it is at home on my own and not in a pub/party to pretend to others I am one of them.

I have really found it difficult walking through the city on a hot day walking past the pubs and seeing people outside drinking their pints. Although I walked past and not into those pubs because I know damm well if I did walk in I would walk out drunk.

The reality is it is WAY to early in your sobriety to go on holiday with heavy drinkers. Unfortunately some people who drink a lot do not like people who don’t drink as it makes them feel bad about themselves. The chances of you being teased/patronised about not being able to drink would put you in a bad position emotionally. Also the chances of them cajoling you into drinking would be high.

You repairing your marriage and relationship with your children who are now beginning to trust you.

Talk to your husband tell him you can’t go. If your are to take a holiday go with your husband and children and have a nice safe relaxed holiday which it what you deserve.

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Old 08-26-2019, 07:34 PM
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I wouldn’t cancel as that’s unfair on your family. If your husband is coming and you can drive elsewhere, that’s a great option to leave the drinkers to it.

I recently went on an all day drinking session with friends in another city and brought my wife along. Neither of us drank any alcohol, but it gave us a chance to see friends and do other things - a good compromise. As I said above, my friends know I don’t drink now and they look out for me. If I ever did relapse (touch wood never) they would stop me.

Some ex-drinkers prefer to avoid bars, etc. That’s fine too. Whatever it takes is good.
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